/kind/ - kind

No bully! Be kind!

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rant/vent thread Friend 06/08/2021 (Tue) 23:33:01 No.78
let it out
my bad eye contact is ruining every social interaction and making things awkward
I don't really have anything to complain about right now. Things are pretty alright. My dinner was really salty which was a bit gross.
I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know why. I'm just trying to go to sleep.
>>79 Staring people directly in the eye when talking to them is fucking weird to me too and I think it makes social interaction awkward rather than the opposite. I have to make a conscious effort to, every once in a while, look someone directly in the eyes when talking because apparently that's a "normal" thing to do.
Life sucks when all you can do is wageslave and don't have the time or energy for anything else.
>>83 I don't even have a full-time position and can still relate to that. I'd almost consider going on welfare if I were eligible.
I'm so dumb to think i'd be anything other then a basement dwelling hikki. I recently got a job, and within just a short span i've already fucked it up completely. I have never in my life had to explain so many times why i'm a complete moron then today and i stand here in the midst of the chaos i've sown thinking about taking the easy way out. I want to go home.
I think the dollar is going to tank, and I don't have much to spend my savings on. I know it's a First World problem, but I've been saving money for years in hopes of maybe buying property or something further down the road. Now it looks like that's not going to happen. I'm going to splurge on hobby stuff and maybe on a used vehicle. I wish I had some more ideas so my money's not going to go to waste. It would be nice if I could just save it for my future as planned, but that's not at all a safe bet. It seems like there are no safe bets anymore.
>>86 Any reason you don't invest those savings into something that will hold it's value in that scenario? If you don't need that money now, you could invest in some fixed assets as well. Depends on how much you have too I suppose. Either way, it's not doing you much good just sitting around.
>>84 not him but I am ssi but I work part time too but only because my parents control my disability check. The judge doesn't trust me with money ( I have autism). The good news is that I had my job for than 2 years. The thing about welfare is that you have nothing to and no money to spend, it's depressing. After my 6 hour shift I still have energy to do 30 minute running every other day, maybe it's because I am on my feet cleaning the floors all day, instead of on the computer all day. When I was a neet I never had any energy doing anything, I think inactivity causes alot of brain fog (at least for me.)
>>87 The problem is I have no clue about investments and don't know what will hold its value. I could buy some land, but I wouldn't know how to put it to use and would probably pay a buttload on taxes. >>88 I have a similar job to you and in my experience working a few hours a day adds some much needed structure to my life. I feel tired all the time whether I'm working or a NEET though.
My mom is acting super pissed with me and I don't know what I did. I tried to ask her, and she told me not to talk to her. I mean, what the hell? How am I supposed to apologize and fix whatever it is that I did if I don't even know what I did wrong?
>>89 >no clue about investments Yeah, me either, honestly. Just keep in mind, things like raw materials and other non-perishable necessities are pretty much always going to keep their value. Also, if you do figure things out for yourself, make sure to diversify. You shouldn't keep all your eggs in one basket, in case some incredibly unlikely event happens. I'm just making guesses here though. And parroting what I learned in my high school personal finance class.
>>90 That's just their nature. Take this from someone who once experimented with female hormones. Stay away from it.
>>91 It's hard for me to tell what are legitimate investments and what are just memes for bandwagon jumpers
>>141 I wouldn't put your money into stocks. If USD crashes like you predict, I think it'll harm most companies. At the very least, it'll cause them to lose some sales. Not to mention, stocks are pretty volatile. Maybe crude oil wouldn't be a bad investment. I don't know how prices are right now, but things like plastics and rubbers are made from crude oil among other things (Again, I'm just making some inferences). Gold might not be bad either? Beats the hell outta me, sorry pal. Oh, on a related note, you'll end up getting taxed quite a bit no matter what you do.
>>146 Precious metals were on my radar, but I wasn't sure if it was overblown as an investment option or not. I guess anything physical's better than not investing anything and letting my money go to waste, but things really suck right now as far as investments go. The tax thing would be a huge pain in the neck for me because I don't make that much money. I just happened to have saved a lot over the years.
>>174 You'd get taxed based on how much you made on your investment I think. So you'd still be much better off I think, again, assuming USD crashes.
my fan broke
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I'm obligated to work with my dad to earn some money and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off.
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>>187 >and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off. not sure if this was meant to be funny but I had a good laugh
>>187 He's a plumber right? It's just part of the job.
Everything I did in the real world has been a colossal, pointless waste of my time. I'm so tired.
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>>230 That sounds terrible, what did you do?
>>287 >Tried joining a book club. The group disbands because of stupid politics shit. >Tried working at a small store, got accused of theft. Managed to clear my name but I didn't feel like working with them anymore. > Tried to get a high school diploma. Failed key subjects repeatedly to the point I ended up broke. >Attempted to join trade school. Shit gets shuttered due to 'rona. And looking back at my life, I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world.
>>328 Keep your chin up, because the bullshit isn't going to stop. The effort might be wasted, but that's life. Everything might as well be up to chance. If you never take those chances though, you'll never win. You'll never get to progress.
>>84 the worst thing about welfare is that you just get scraps and have everyone around you judge you for not wage slaving like the rest of them.
The industry I'm in is crumbling because of the chink flu. My boss only knows how to sperg and hope problems either solve itself or gets swept under the rug along with others waiting to blow up. I want to try working in another industry, but I've been in this industry in the same company for 12 years, I don't know how to polish my resume.
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>>345 Oh God I understand the pain of shitty bosses, especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. >>328 > I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world. Tfw
>>345 start your own ebay rental service business, 12 years is lot of wheel-spinning experience, you can do it eyes shut. What wageslavery you do? If its some job you can sell your individual service on ebay and make small cash
>>328 >I don't really belong in the real world nobody likes being the real world anon, I run away from it constantly.
>>403 >especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. My boss never apologizes for his mistakes. I don't know why he's very adamant about it. Maybe he views it as a sign of weakness that will slowly chip his authority. If anything, it makes him look like a complete ass. >>414 I mostly do technical backend stuff that companies closely guard as trade secret. Some of the knowledge is very specific to our company, and isn't directly applicable outside. I do help with sales from time to time, but I don't have the confidence in selling products like my peers in sales do.
>>460 Most bosses I find are like that, probably getting even to a managerial level position gives you a huge ego boost no matter how unglamorous the job is. Even worse are the nepotists
>>78 recently left a dead relationship where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs and i struggle a lot with self worth. i'm very alone, don't leave my room for anything but errands and uni, and i'm extremely harsh on myself. wouldn't call it self hate, but i think i'm an enormous, uninteresting loser and i wish i knew how to fix it. people are starting to catch on to it and call out my harshness/perfectionism sometimes
>>464 yeah, fuck neopets
I hate my life. I have just recently graduated with an engineering degree in an attractive field related to computers. But I still hate my life. It's almost like if getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life. I hate the housing market, I hate my ex girlfriend, I hate my complete lack of a romantic life and I hate that I am getting old.
>>460 Maybe not something akin to make a company, but technical stuff you have a hand in is very valuable. Trade secret is just a meme. Maybe not a retail like environment, you can still get contact to some companies people and get called as a "technician" who can fix things, even if not fix directly can diagnose things. >I don't have the confidence in selling products confidence is not necessary in sales, just the pitch. Main part is finding a needing customer. Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more.
>>92 I'm glad you didn't go down that path anon. Hope you're doing well >>530 Watch your language bro >>526 > where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs God I wish that were me.
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I've learned the hard way that westerners are assholes and their taste in vidya is absolute trash.
>>605 Although they used to dominate when it came to console games, it's not like the East is any better when it comes to video games nowadays. I wish the entire industry would just collapse.
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>>606 Serves nothing to be a doomer either. I just dislike that most people are so closed minded when it comes to vidya. They could pick any superficial aspect of a game to say it's trash without even bothering to play it. It just gives me the vibe that while eastern vidya enthusiasts are more tranquil and less batshit crazy, westerners are the complete opposite, and are just terrible people to be around with. Maybe I should get into more japanese vidya, like actually finish Perfect Cherry Blossom.
>>549 >Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more. It's alright, anon, I'm being extra cautious. Maybe one day I can post my complete story when everything does not matter anymore. Being able to vent out my frustration, and anons here giving me (You)s made me feel better. For now I'll try to figure out things. Thank you for the support.
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Im starting to pick up mass paranoia again, I'd be more open about things if i didn't have this constant fear it'll be used against me like it has in the past. Further this my family has no concept of opsec and i further fear I'll get casted in guilt by association for something dumb they'll do... I just want to be left alone ;-; why must they torture me so...
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>>85 That's normal man. I was desperate and became an apprentice butcher for a time. The culture is to shit on the "yob" (boy/newfriend) and I was basically stuck apologising for messing up constantly. It took about a month or so to get settled in enough where I didn't have my manager constantly breathing down my neck. If you stick with it, you WILL get better. You're not dumb either, you just need to build confidence. The best part about having a bad job is that you want a better one. Good luck friend.
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>>533 >getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life You're right man, now to slave 40+ hours for the next 50 years while you save for retirement, maybe have some kids, flip a coin to see if you get divorced and lose everything. Maybe go fishing once or twice a year when you're not busy with a friend who you may not even have. After all, hard to keep a friend when you didn't even have enough time to keep work, your heath, family and life together. Then you can die at 70, a victim of stress, poor diet and regret. TL;DR - I don't think following the tradtional scaffolding as a man will make you happy. Others will be happy, but will you? I've never been in love despite being 22, so maybe I'm missing something. But I think men/boys should be honestly considering alternative lifestyles outside of the societal template we're pressured and insulted into following (e.g. man up). I'm biased, but I think there's some nugget of truth in my ranting.
>>688 I'm not a fan of putting NEETs on a pedestal. You should have a stable family that allows it to happen, and even then, you have to be a very big fan of the place you're living in to not even consider to move out. I don't have those two so I can't fathom why some people would love being a NEET. Doing nothing is cool but I'd rather be able to move wherever I want rather than bearing an environment I don't really like
>>689 I'm not talking about being a NEET. I'm talking about not doing 9-5 wife+kids because it's the default. To think about it and consider alternatives that may be more appealing. I don't consider being a poor NEET to be a good lifestyle. Alternatives would be things like nomads, tiny houses, minimalists, F.I.R.E, working part-time while you persue creative passions, etc. Basically taking some initiative and not following the default path because it's easier. At least that's how I see it.
Is it really so strange for someone to have never lost his imaginary friend? Of course I'd never allow her to die. We are friends so we stick together no matter what.
fucking hate not being on meds
>>703 that's kinda cool, reminds me of anons with tulpas. what's she like?
I'm getting migraines almost everyday now. I think it's the heat. Summer is my worst season.
really ? i love not being on them. id rather cry everyday than not have any emotions at all like a robot i can take hallucinations they terrify me but i can laugh about it after im "sober" again. i guess thats the price i have to pay in order to feel like a real human being rather than the husk of a person id like to know your perspective on things though ^_^
>>715 >hallucinations what are you diagnosed with
psychosis major depressive disorder and anxiety... i think im some sort of schizo too but not diagnosed
>>719 what about committing yourself to years of therapy instead of drugs? I don't know anything about psychosis and this is a serious question by the way. people with serious mood and anxiety disorders can overcome them without drugs. I've heard therapists say drugs are entirely unnecessary and anyone can talk their way through things and find peace with enough time.
>>720 i feel really uncomfortable when talking to people i just cant bring myself to trust even my family so a complete stranger is beyond me. also therapy is a lot of money like 40 dollars im not in a place where i can spend that much money even once per month just thinking about the price added up to a year is making me want to faint. but anyway anon thank you for the suggestion i think ill just try to better myself on my own some way. have a great day fren ^_^
Shame we have a blog thread but also a vent thread, because I have no idea where to put this. I guess here is fine since I'll be replying to another anon as well. There was a thread before the board wipe, where an anon asked if kindess = weakness. I believe in a truly stunted view/world that kind of position makes sense on its face. It's easy to see how a messed up person or a savage world would take that characteristic and affix it with a label of weakness and ignore its positive qualities. But it does get me thinking about things in reverse, that weakness = kindness. It's from my personal standpoint that I notice this, it's not a statement about the characteristic as a whole. I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. I see something cute and I'll go into full "protect her smile" mode and get really internally upset if any bad or unpleasant is shown to happen. I'll get a strong urge to defend something if it's being attacked, simply for the fact that it is under that duress. I'm curious as to why it happens. It doesn't feel like a healthy expression of kindness, and I don't know what to "do with it" when it comes up. Anyone else experience something like this? >>679 >my family has no concept of opsec My family gives me no reason to be paranoid about it really, but it is frustrating when they do dumb shit online like people their age would. I try to stop them but it's always so much more effort to convince them to stop than it is to just let them go along with it.
I don't know how to stop being filled with anger and hatred. It makes sense to say that it's not going to change anything and that we should just accept the aspects of the world we can't change. My rational mind gets that, but I don't feel it emotionally and don't know how to change.
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>>729 I just like to brood and seethe for a while. Then I return to a state of detached irony. Probably not the most healthy thing in the world but iunno what else I should do.
>>729 It'll probably never go away entirely. I've accepted that personally. Just knowing that it doesn't serve you any good will make it easier to overcome when it happens. It's actually a bit interestingly paradoxical when you think about it. We have every good reason to be extremely bitterly angry, hateful, resentful about so many things, but at the same time, we have no good reason because usually, without failure, nothing good or productive comes out of it. The human condition is a hell of a thing.
>>726 >I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. >Anyone else experience something like this? I'd say I'm the opposite. Depending on the situation, I can become angry, hateful, vindictive, etc. It's become considerably less explosive with time, but it's still there. Just tamer and sometimes unspoken. I had some delusion once that essentially boils down to "karma." That if I did nothing but act completely selflessly or something it'd all come back to me like I could change the world or something. I don't know, it was retarded, I think I was pretty drunk or something. In fact I don't think I'm really that kind at all. Civil and able to get along with? Absolutely, I don't even struggle with it. But things like kindness and generosity aren't really "taught" anymore, there's no one you can really "learn" it from. Pretty much everyone is just civil as long as there's no reason to be upset about anything.
>>708 Strong, cool and assertive. So everything I'm not. She smiles no matter what. I used to think it's creepy, but now I admire it. If she were a character in some manga I'm sure she would have a heartfelt backstory to explain why she's always positive, but since she's just my imaginary friend she isn't granted that luxury. She simply "is", without a past or even a future. I find that part quite sad. She's not real, so the only one she can interact with is me.
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Anons what's the best way to cope with anger? I try not to get angry or try to contain my rage and think it through when it happens, but there are times where I'm overcome by it and I end up punching something (the plastic moving box I've been using as a desk has a massive hole punched into it now). I'm fearful that it's only a matter of time before I do something stupid during an outburst, what should I do when I feel like I'm about to be overcome by rage? >>708 I wonder where all the /tulpa/friends went
>>742 Before I calmed down I used to watch myself explode and absolutely trash my place. So blinded by rage I didn't even realize what I had done until it's over. It's a good question, how did I calm down? I still feel angry and hateful about things but I'm not the walking nuclear bomb with a hairtrigger that I used to be. In fact I would even say I have a reasonable, normal level of patience now and my outbursts, when they rarely happen, are rather mild. My best guess is that I have seen what being petty has done to someone with time. Someone in my family is extremely impulsive, petty, and short-tempered. I've seen just how stupid he looks and just how he burns bridges with people and fucks up relationships over trivial shit. I think I didn't even consciously decide to calm down, I subconsciously did because I was afraid of becoming him. I now let things slide that really don't fucking matter, and I don't even really have to think about it. I unconsciously feel like getting angry, but my brain immediately hits the "fuck it" button and I just let it go. But, unless you have someone like that in your life that you can observe and see how bad of a look it is, I guess you may have to try to imagine how you appear outwardly. Probably a lot more difficult than having a perfect example of a bad example right in front of you for years.
Antipsychotics
>>746 >>742 Shit i fucked up
>>742 Try exercising whenever you feel the rage surge up. You can also try filming yourself whenever you get a rage fit and later look at the video and see how stupid you look and consider changing your ways. Maybe this video helps: https://invidiou.site/watch?v=ea7Spty3XZs
>>740 I do notice that as well. I generally fly into fits based on the current emotion I'm feeling. Like if I'm annoyed by something and that takes over, I'm annoyed at everything. Sometimes I'll be frustrated at something and it boils over like >>742 . It's not fun sadly, and it's hard to find someone who can actually help with it.
I'm so unbelievably pissed off right now and I did it to myself. I'm on the verge of snapping, but I'm too far in to stop what I'm doing. It's also super fucking hot. Goddamn I need to blow off some steam.
I don't rage and destroy things anymore but I might still benefit from setting up a sort of "rage room" as they're called, or destroying things with my leisure time. It can be cathartic. Maybe some of you could benefit from this idea of "controlled demolition." Control your anger, but at the same time, fuck some shit up and feel better after.
Man. I'm practically turning into the house maid. My family refuses to clean up after themselves and their pets. They leave their garbage everywhere, don't rinse their dishes, and they absolutely never clean their bathroom messes. Worst thing is, there's almost always someone in the living room or kitchen, so I never have a good time to clean, and by the time I do, everything is disgusting. It's a shame because the house is nice, but it looks like a big family of lazy neighbors lives here. If for no other reason, this makes me want to move out. That's a whole issue on it's own though.

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