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No bully! Be kind!

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rant/vent thread Friend 06/08/2021 (Tue) 23:33:01 No.78
let it out
my bad eye contact is ruining every social interaction and making things awkward
I don't really have anything to complain about right now. Things are pretty alright. My dinner was really salty which was a bit gross.
I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know why. I'm just trying to go to sleep.
>>79 Staring people directly in the eye when talking to them is fucking weird to me too and I think it makes social interaction awkward rather than the opposite. I have to make a conscious effort to, every once in a while, look someone directly in the eyes when talking because apparently that's a "normal" thing to do.
Life sucks when all you can do is wageslave and don't have the time or energy for anything else.
>>83 I don't even have a full-time position and can still relate to that. I'd almost consider going on welfare if I were eligible.
I'm so dumb to think i'd be anything other then a basement dwelling hikki. I recently got a job, and within just a short span i've already fucked it up completely. I have never in my life had to explain so many times why i'm a complete moron then today and i stand here in the midst of the chaos i've sown thinking about taking the easy way out. I want to go home.
I think the dollar is going to tank, and I don't have much to spend my savings on. I know it's a First World problem, but I've been saving money for years in hopes of maybe buying property or something further down the road. Now it looks like that's not going to happen. I'm going to splurge on hobby stuff and maybe on a used vehicle. I wish I had some more ideas so my money's not going to go to waste. It would be nice if I could just save it for my future as planned, but that's not at all a safe bet. It seems like there are no safe bets anymore.
>>86 Any reason you don't invest those savings into something that will hold it's value in that scenario? If you don't need that money now, you could invest in some fixed assets as well. Depends on how much you have too I suppose. Either way, it's not doing you much good just sitting around.
>>84 not him but I am ssi but I work part time too but only because my parents control my disability check. The judge doesn't trust me with money ( I have autism). The good news is that I had my job for than 2 years. The thing about welfare is that you have nothing to and no money to spend, it's depressing. After my 6 hour shift I still have energy to do 30 minute running every other day, maybe it's because I am on my feet cleaning the floors all day, instead of on the computer all day. When I was a neet I never had any energy doing anything, I think inactivity causes alot of brain fog (at least for me.)
>>87 The problem is I have no clue about investments and don't know what will hold its value. I could buy some land, but I wouldn't know how to put it to use and would probably pay a buttload on taxes. >>88 I have a similar job to you and in my experience working a few hours a day adds some much needed structure to my life. I feel tired all the time whether I'm working or a NEET though.
My mom is acting super pissed with me and I don't know what I did. I tried to ask her, and she told me not to talk to her. I mean, what the hell? How am I supposed to apologize and fix whatever it is that I did if I don't even know what I did wrong?
>>89 >no clue about investments Yeah, me either, honestly. Just keep in mind, things like raw materials and other non-perishable necessities are pretty much always going to keep their value. Also, if you do figure things out for yourself, make sure to diversify. You shouldn't keep all your eggs in one basket, in case some incredibly unlikely event happens. I'm just making guesses here though. And parroting what I learned in my high school personal finance class.
>>90 That's just their nature. Take this from someone who once experimented with female hormones. Stay away from it.
>>91 It's hard for me to tell what are legitimate investments and what are just memes for bandwagon jumpers
>>141 I wouldn't put your money into stocks. If USD crashes like you predict, I think it'll harm most companies. At the very least, it'll cause them to lose some sales. Not to mention, stocks are pretty volatile. Maybe crude oil wouldn't be a bad investment. I don't know how prices are right now, but things like plastics and rubbers are made from crude oil among other things (Again, I'm just making some inferences). Gold might not be bad either? Beats the hell outta me, sorry pal. Oh, on a related note, you'll end up getting taxed quite a bit no matter what you do.
>>146 Precious metals were on my radar, but I wasn't sure if it was overblown as an investment option or not. I guess anything physical's better than not investing anything and letting my money go to waste, but things really suck right now as far as investments go. The tax thing would be a huge pain in the neck for me because I don't make that much money. I just happened to have saved a lot over the years.
>>174 You'd get taxed based on how much you made on your investment I think. So you'd still be much better off I think, again, assuming USD crashes.
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I'm obligated to work with my dad to earn some money and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off.
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>>187 >and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off. not sure if this was meant to be funny but I had a good laugh
>>187 He's a plumber right? It's just part of the job.
Everything I did in the real world has been a colossal, pointless waste of my time. I'm so tired.
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>>230 That sounds terrible, what did you do?
>>287 >Tried joining a book club. The group disbands because of stupid politics shit. >Tried working at a small store, got accused of theft. Managed to clear my name but I didn't feel like working with them anymore. > Tried to get a high school diploma. Failed key subjects repeatedly to the point I ended up broke. >Attempted to join trade school. Shit gets shuttered due to 'rona. And looking back at my life, I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world.
>>328 Keep your chin up, because the bullshit isn't going to stop. The effort might be wasted, but that's life. Everything might as well be up to chance. If you never take those chances though, you'll never win. You'll never get to progress.
>>84 the worst thing about welfare is that you just get scraps and have everyone around you judge you for not wage slaving like the rest of them.
The industry I'm in is crumbling because of the chink flu. My boss only knows how to sperg and hope problems either solve itself or gets swept under the rug along with others waiting to blow up. I want to try working in another industry, but I've been in this industry in the same company for 12 years, I don't know how to polish my resume.
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>>345 Oh God I understand the pain of shitty bosses, especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. >>328 > I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world. Tfw
>>345 start your own ebay rental service business, 12 years is lot of wheel-spinning experience, you can do it eyes shut. What wageslavery you do? If its some job you can sell your individual service on ebay and make small cash
>>328 >I don't really belong in the real world nobody likes being the real world anon, I run away from it constantly.
>>403 >especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. My boss never apologizes for his mistakes. I don't know why he's very adamant about it. Maybe he views it as a sign of weakness that will slowly chip his authority. If anything, it makes him look like a complete ass. >>414 I mostly do technical backend stuff that companies closely guard as trade secret. Some of the knowledge is very specific to our company, and isn't directly applicable outside. I do help with sales from time to time, but I don't have the confidence in selling products like my peers in sales do.
>>460 Most bosses I find are like that, probably getting even to a managerial level position gives you a huge ego boost no matter how unglamorous the job is. Even worse are the nepotists
>>78 recently left a dead relationship where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs and i struggle a lot with self worth. i'm very alone, don't leave my room for anything but errands and uni, and i'm extremely harsh on myself. wouldn't call it self hate, but i think i'm an enormous, uninteresting loser and i wish i knew how to fix it. people are starting to catch on to it and call out my harshness/perfectionism sometimes
>>464 yeah, fuck neopets
I hate my life. I have just recently graduated with an engineering degree in an attractive field related to computers. But I still hate my life. It's almost like if getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life. I hate the housing market, I hate my ex girlfriend, I hate my complete lack of a romantic life and I hate that I am getting old.
>>460 Maybe not something akin to make a company, but technical stuff you have a hand in is very valuable. Trade secret is just a meme. Maybe not a retail like environment, you can still get contact to some companies people and get called as a "technician" who can fix things, even if not fix directly can diagnose things. >I don't have the confidence in selling products confidence is not necessary in sales, just the pitch. Main part is finding a needing customer. Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more.
>>92 I'm glad you didn't go down that path anon. Hope you're doing well >>530 Watch your language bro >>526 > where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs God I wish that were me.
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I've learned the hard way that westerners are assholes and their taste in vidya is absolute trash.
>>605 Although they used to dominate when it came to console games, it's not like the East is any better when it comes to video games nowadays. I wish the entire industry would just collapse.
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>>606 Serves nothing to be a doomer either. I just dislike that most people are so closed minded when it comes to vidya. They could pick any superficial aspect of a game to say it's trash without even bothering to play it. It just gives me the vibe that while eastern vidya enthusiasts are more tranquil and less batshit crazy, westerners are the complete opposite, and are just terrible people to be around with. Maybe I should get into more japanese vidya, like actually finish Perfect Cherry Blossom.
>>549 >Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more. It's alright, anon, I'm being extra cautious. Maybe one day I can post my complete story when everything does not matter anymore. Being able to vent out my frustration, and anons here giving me (You)s made me feel better. For now I'll try to figure out things. Thank you for the support.
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Im starting to pick up mass paranoia again, I'd be more open about things if i didn't have this constant fear it'll be used against me like it has in the past. Further this my family has no concept of opsec and i further fear I'll get casted in guilt by association for something dumb they'll do... I just want to be left alone ;-; why must they torture me so...
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>>85 That's normal man. I was desperate and became an apprentice butcher for a time. The culture is to shit on the "yob" (boy/newfriend) and I was basically stuck apologising for messing up constantly. It took about a month or so to get settled in enough where I didn't have my manager constantly breathing down my neck. If you stick with it, you WILL get better. You're not dumb either, you just need to build confidence. The best part about having a bad job is that you want a better one. Good luck friend.
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>>533 >getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life You're right man, now to slave 40+ hours for the next 50 years while you save for retirement, maybe have some kids, flip a coin to see if you get divorced and lose everything. Maybe go fishing once or twice a year when you're not busy with a friend who you may not even have. After all, hard to keep a friend when you didn't even have enough time to keep work, your heath, family and life together. Then you can die at 70, a victim of stress, poor diet and regret. TL;DR - I don't think following the tradtional scaffolding as a man will make you happy. Others will be happy, but will you? I've never been in love despite being 22, so maybe I'm missing something. But I think men/boys should be honestly considering alternative lifestyles outside of the societal template we're pressured and insulted into following (e.g. man up). I'm biased, but I think there's some nugget of truth in my ranting.
>>688 I'm not a fan of putting NEETs on a pedestal. You should have a stable family that allows it to happen, and even then, you have to be a very big fan of the place you're living in to not even consider to move out. I don't have those two so I can't fathom why some people would love being a NEET. Doing nothing is cool but I'd rather be able to move wherever I want rather than bearing an environment I don't really like
>>689 I'm not talking about being a NEET. I'm talking about not doing 9-5 wife+kids because it's the default. To think about it and consider alternatives that may be more appealing. I don't consider being a poor NEET to be a good lifestyle. Alternatives would be things like nomads, tiny houses, minimalists, F.I.R.E, working part-time while you persue creative passions, etc. Basically taking some initiative and not following the default path because it's easier. At least that's how I see it.
Is it really so strange for someone to have never lost his imaginary friend? Of course I'd never allow her to die. We are friends so we stick together no matter what.
fucking hate not being on meds
>>703 that's kinda cool, reminds me of anons with tulpas. what's she like?
really ? i love not being on them. id rather cry everyday than not have any emotions at all like a robot i can take hallucinations they terrify me but i can laugh about it after im "sober" again. i guess thats the price i have to pay in order to feel like a real human being rather than the husk of a person id like to know your perspective on things though ^_^
>>715 >hallucinations what are you diagnosed with
psychosis major depressive disorder and anxiety... i think im some sort of schizo too but not diagnosed
>>719 what about committing yourself to years of therapy instead of drugs? I don't know anything about psychosis and this is a serious question by the way. people with serious mood and anxiety disorders can overcome them without drugs. I've heard therapists say drugs are entirely unnecessary and anyone can talk their way through things and find peace with enough time.
>>720 i feel really uncomfortable when talking to people i just cant bring myself to trust even my family so a complete stranger is beyond me. also therapy is a lot of money like 40 dollars im not in a place where i can spend that much money even once per month just thinking about the price added up to a year is making me want to faint. but anyway anon thank you for the suggestion i think ill just try to better myself on my own some way. have a great day fren ^_^
Shame we have a blog thread but also a vent thread, because I have no idea where to put this. I guess here is fine since I'll be replying to another anon as well. There was a thread before the board wipe, where an anon asked if kindess = weakness. I believe in a truly stunted view/world that kind of position makes sense on its face. It's easy to see how a messed up person or a savage world would take that characteristic and affix it with a label of weakness and ignore its positive qualities. But it does get me thinking about things in reverse, that weakness = kindness. It's from my personal standpoint that I notice this, it's not a statement about the characteristic as a whole. I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. I see something cute and I'll go into full "protect her smile" mode and get really internally upset if any bad or unpleasant is shown to happen. I'll get a strong urge to defend something if it's being attacked, simply for the fact that it is under that duress. I'm curious as to why it happens. It doesn't feel like a healthy expression of kindness, and I don't know what to "do with it" when it comes up. Anyone else experience something like this? >>679 >my family has no concept of opsec My family gives me no reason to be paranoid about it really, but it is frustrating when they do dumb shit online like people their age would. I try to stop them but it's always so much more effort to convince them to stop than it is to just let them go along with it.
I don't know how to stop being filled with anger and hatred. It makes sense to say that it's not going to change anything and that we should just accept the aspects of the world we can't change. My rational mind gets that, but I don't feel it emotionally and don't know how to change.
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>>729 I just like to brood and seethe for a while. Then I return to a state of detached irony. Probably not the most healthy thing in the world but iunno what else I should do.
>>729 It'll probably never go away entirely. I've accepted that personally. Just knowing that it doesn't serve you any good will make it easier to overcome when it happens. It's actually a bit interestingly paradoxical when you think about it. We have every good reason to be extremely bitterly angry, hateful, resentful about so many things, but at the same time, we have no good reason because usually, without failure, nothing good or productive comes out of it. The human condition is a hell of a thing.
>>726 >I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. >Anyone else experience something like this? I'd say I'm the opposite. Depending on the situation, I can become angry, hateful, vindictive, etc. It's become considerably less explosive with time, but it's still there. Just tamer and sometimes unspoken. I had some delusion once that essentially boils down to "karma." That if I did nothing but act completely selflessly or something it'd all come back to me like I could change the world or something. I don't know, it was retarded, I think I was pretty drunk or something. In fact I don't think I'm really that kind at all. Civil and able to get along with? Absolutely, I don't even struggle with it. But things like kindness and generosity aren't really "taught" anymore, there's no one you can really "learn" it from. Pretty much everyone is just civil as long as there's no reason to be upset about anything.
>>708 Strong, cool and assertive. So everything I'm not. She smiles no matter what. I used to think it's creepy, but now I admire it. If she were a character in some manga I'm sure she would have a heartfelt backstory to explain why she's always positive, but since she's just my imaginary friend she isn't granted that luxury. She simply "is", without a past or even a future. I find that part quite sad. She's not real, so the only one she can interact with is me.
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Anons what's the best way to cope with anger? I try not to get angry or try to contain my rage and think it through when it happens, but there are times where I'm overcome by it and I end up punching something (the plastic moving box I've been using as a desk has a massive hole punched into it now). I'm fearful that it's only a matter of time before I do something stupid during an outburst, what should I do when I feel like I'm about to be overcome by rage? >>708 I wonder where all the /tulpa/friends went
>>742 Before I calmed down I used to watch myself explode and absolutely trash my place. So blinded by rage I didn't even realize what I had done until it's over. It's a good question, how did I calm down? I still feel angry and hateful about things but I'm not the walking nuclear bomb with a hairtrigger that I used to be. In fact I would even say I have a reasonable, normal level of patience now and my outbursts, when they rarely happen, are rather mild. My best guess is that I have seen what being petty has done to someone with time. Someone in my family is extremely impulsive, petty, and short-tempered. I've seen just how stupid he looks and just how he burns bridges with people and fucks up relationships over trivial shit. I think I didn't even consciously decide to calm down, I subconsciously did because I was afraid of becoming him. I now let things slide that really don't fucking matter, and I don't even really have to think about it. I unconsciously feel like getting angry, but my brain immediately hits the "fuck it" button and I just let it go. But, unless you have someone like that in your life that you can observe and see how bad of a look it is, I guess you may have to try to imagine how you appear outwardly. Probably a lot more difficult than having a perfect example of a bad example right in front of you for years.
>>746 >>742 Shit i fucked up
>>742 Try exercising whenever you feel the rage surge up. You can also try filming yourself whenever you get a rage fit and later look at the video and see how stupid you look and consider changing your ways. Maybe this video helps: https://invidiou.site/watch?v=ea7Spty3XZs
>>740 I do notice that as well. I generally fly into fits based on the current emotion I'm feeling. Like if I'm annoyed by something and that takes over, I'm annoyed at everything. Sometimes I'll be frustrated at something and it boils over like >>742 . It's not fun sadly, and it's hard to find someone who can actually help with it.
I'm so unbelievably pissed off right now and I did it to myself. I'm on the verge of snapping, but I'm too far in to stop what I'm doing. It's also super fucking hot. Goddamn I need to blow off some steam.
I don't rage and destroy things anymore but I might still benefit from setting up a sort of "rage room" as they're called, or destroying things with my leisure time. It can be cathartic. Maybe some of you could benefit from this idea of "controlled demolition." Control your anger, but at the same time, fuck some shit up and feel better after.
Man. I'm practically turning into the house maid. My family refuses to clean up after themselves and their pets. They leave their garbage everywhere, don't rinse their dishes, and they absolutely never clean their bathroom messes. Worst thing is, there's almost always someone in the living room or kitchen, so I never have a good time to clean, and by the time I do, everything is disgusting. It's a shame because the house is nice, but it looks like a big family of lazy neighbors lives here. If for no other reason, this makes me want to move out. That's a whole issue on it's own though.
My left leg hurts like hell and it feels as my blood in my veins is about to burst any second.
>>80 I remember oversalting my eggs some time ago and it ruined my entire day.
>>772 This, but other people's shit
I did it again, arguing all night with strangers on the internet, not even disagreeing really, just arguing, going to bed way late, getting up ant 3pm next day, ignoring all my plans, feeling empty inside.
>>785 Try turning off your internet connection before executing your plans, do them and then reward yourself with some internet time when you're done.
>>775 Dump it all on their bed. You deserve a nice space.
>>789 I've been doing that with the parental control of my router and it has been almost life changing, but every time I get the password into my hands it's almost like I'm binging. I never knew before how addicted I was, initially just did it to be more "productive".
>>775 Not encouraging you to keep doing that forever, but it is indeed very kind, regardless if they really appreciate it or not.
>>812 It's more kind when I tidy up my friends' places in the morning after a night of drinking
>>815 Yes you are also very kind but i don't pick favorites.
>>816 Both posts are mine. I don't think cleaning my home is particularly kind since I'm doing it for my sake, not theirs.
>>817 I see. If doing things for your own sake benefits others, it's still a good thing. I think a lot of people would not clean out of spite, and rather accept living in dirt. (I'm trying very hard to be positive here)
Good luck to all fellow wageslaves tomorrow.
The coronavirus pandemic is my fault. It all happened because I asked a girl out and she said yes. We listened to music together, talked about society and watched the stars while talking about our hobbies. I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her, but now she's gone - another victim of this unending pharmaceutical hell. The only reason I haven't committed suicide is because I'm a coward who fears unending oblivion more than hell itself.
Any of you cut off all communication with family? Considering doing it. I can't fucking stand them. I want to hit them. They're insufferable.
Parents kept on nagging me to get the jab. I told them I want those jabs to be fully FDA approved before getting one.
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I want a normalfriend free internet or at least imageboard but the creatures are everywhere like a bunch of damned roaches with the ability to shit up a place, scream, and remove any and all possibility of gatekeeping. Also not enough mods ever gatekeep on imageboards and every single one of them keeps turning to a big pile of vomit and I'm fucking tired of it. I used to be able to finally use a normalneighbor free board and it lasted some months before some retard ended up getting an important user effectively booted and then the place just fucking died. I'm tired of this dribbling, steaming, diarrhea shit. Normalshits should never have gotten on the internet in the first place. They've just ruined everything and even negatively affected themselves.
>>886 it's phones. ever since the release of the iphone, everyone is all over the internet nonstop now. the internet used to attract a smaller audience before that. web traffic got hit the hardest, the web is full of normalfucks now. I noticed a drastic plummet in quality discussion in every single corner of the internet last decade. I watched the culture change into this current miserable state. there's no undoing it now, literally everyone is on the internet now and the internet is far worse because of it. any time I find something good online anymore, literally anything at all, I instinctively keep it a secret because I don't want it becoming fucking ruined. I can't think of any good way to gatekeep a community to prevent the trash from wandering in honestly. also check 'em
>>886 Normalfriends? Smartphones? Social media? Bro what are you talking about? Anyway I sent you a message on IRC, we're having a LAN party soon.
>>888 Checked >>889 ;_;
Why must suffering exist? Apparently it's so that happiness can exist as well but I've never been happy, so that can't be the case.
>>893 Good on ya king, mario kart is the devil.
next time my family acts like a bunch of insufferable cunts, I ghost them
>>886 I feel you, kind friend. Like >>888 said phones were the downfall. They granted access to the Internet for countless people and they didn't bother at all to integrate in the existing culture. They just swept in and started to flood everything with anything, no regard for nothing. They brought all their stuff from their lifes with them and just drowned what already was. Then companies started to see the potentical and started to intervene, not to forget the gouverments who started to regulate. Since then I drifted around the Internet, searching for places with the old spirit and generaly places I like. Most of the time I didn't have a home and just stayed here and there for a few weeks. Rarely I had a place I called home but they all died after one or two year because of cancer. Now I am just jaded, somehow I want to leave the Internet entirely but I can't. So many fond memories, it also basecially raised me. Not to forget that I wouldn't know what to do in my free time anyway if I would quit. Still I just can't attach myself to a side anymore, the fear of it getting cancer and losing it is just to big because of that I almost never post, to not get attached. >>889 I felt that post. How much I miss it. Why can't I just stop missing the past? >>892 Suffering exists to free yourself from it. It shows you what is bad for you.
Prank calls are annoying...
>>884 I don't interact with a decent chunk of my extended family and avoid contact with them. I like spending time with my immediate family though. >>888 Definitely. Phones even made web design shittier, so now we have all these sites making themselves less usable so drooling phonefriends can browse them too. I wish we could go back to the old days. >>904 >Now I am just jaded, somehow I want to leave the Internet entirely but I can't. So many fond memories, it also basecially raised me. Not to forget that I wouldn't know what to do in my free time anyway if I would quit. I feel like I need it to find like-minded people to talk to and get things off my chest, even if like-minded people are harder and harder to find. It doesn't help that I'm getting older and that I've always had problems relating to people my own age, let alone younger ones.
>>918 >Definitely. Phones even made web design shittier, so now we have all these sites making themselves less usable so drooling phonefriends can browse them too. I wish we could go back to the old days. Whats up with that?? Even mangadex now is turning complete normie tablet/phone friendly, but don't people realize they can have two different designs..? Why are they making us computer users suffer with 99% whitespace and no content?
>>918 This is surely also a reason why I am still around. I just don't know like-minded people irl, they are all on the Internet. I guess this is a side effect from being detached from irl and having lived on the Net. It is also very helpful to vent and get some advice and kind words too. I don't think I would be able to keep going without the net, having no friends and no passion. Well I can't relate to folk my ago too and to younger ones even less, somehow the people I like are always older than me.
>>936 I'd rather the people designing these sites would give phone users the finger and let them whine and complain if they don't like it. Unfortunately, a lot of web sites are made with commercial pursuits in mind and can't get away with doing that. >>939 >This is surely also a reason why I am still around. I just don't know like-minded people irl, they are all on the Internet. I guess this is a side effect from being detached from irl and having lived on the Net. It is also very helpful to vent and get some advice and kind words too. I don't think I would be able to keep going without the net, having no friends and no passion. The Internet is really my only form of social interaction other than casual small talk at work or talking with my family. And I don't really like opening up to people in real life, so that could be a problem even if I could find people I had things in common with. I feel like something's wrong with me in that whenever I put myself out there socially, I immediately feel a sense of shame and regret. I don't know where it comes from or how to deal with it. Besides that, I like having the Internet for my hobbies. I can use it to find guides and tutorials for skills I'd like to learn and also track down books, movies, music, and video games that interest me instantly. I plan on increasing my physical media collection a bit in the long run though. I tried to get into torrents again, but a lot of the ones I've found don't have many people seeding them anymore. But overall, it seems like I'm too reliant on the Internet to leave it behind. I think I might be more productive without it in a lot of ways, so it's a double-edged sword for me. >Well I can't relate to folk my ago too and to younger ones even less, somehow the people I like are always older than me. I've always felt that way. I've always been an awkward recluse, but as a kid I think I would have rather have spent time around elderly people and listened to stories of their life experiences and reminiscings of the past than hung out with kids who were my age. I feel like my cultural reference points are more like those of people ten or even twenty years older than me than the people I went to school with.
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>try to wage slave >ADHD acts up >manage to wage slave anyway >coworker gets passive aggressive at my slow work >manage to speed up a bit by bumping drug dose >system tells me to input code valid for 5 minutes, but sends it with 30 minute delay
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Best pastry I have ever tasted was a certain brand of cheese bagels. The best chocolate I ever tasted was a certain thin milk chocolate bar. What they have in common is that they were so god damn tasty that it's very difficult not to eat the entire thing immediately. I'm not fat nor a glutton but no matter how many of those I bought they would disappear within the same day or hour every time because they're so irresistibly good. What they also have in common is that neither one exists anymore. The bagels started to get harder and harder to find until it was not possible to find them anywhere anymore. Instead where they used to be is some bland and rubbery tasting cheese coated bread. The chocolate was replaced with a "new recipe" that literally tastes like watery plastic. I've never tasted such a bad chocolate, there's absolutely nothing in common with the new and the old one, even the wrapper communicates a different message and the bar itself has a more generic shape, I had to triple quadruple check that it's the same brand at all. This probably sounds like a dumb first world problem but it annoys me so much. How do you have something so good and then replace it with something terrible? You're making the world a better place just by existing in your current state, you don't need to DO anything, just don't stop.
>>986 There was these two things that I absolutely loved - Strawberry Creme Savers, and this Strawberry Sundae pudding from JELL-O. Both of them absolutely delicious, and both of them gone forever. I hate life more than anything. Why do they remove the delicious things? It all makes me feel immense pain.
>>986 I feel you, this has happened with a lot of things I liked. Beers will change the brewing process and it's noticably worse but probably cheaper to make. Whatever drink it anyway until you're just too drunk to taste the difference. I've had shops and restaurants discontinue my favorite foods and drinks and replace them with trash. I've even been at these restaurants and asked why they replaced these really good drinks or meals and they say that it's because it sells better to idiots. Even if you degrade the quality by like 80% you lowered the price a tiny bit, even if it seems negligible and you personally would much rather have the better version for a little more money. This slight price cut has caused a massive increase in sales and they make more money now, despite the dismay of customers like me and even the staff working at the restaurant who understand exactly how you feel. Sometimes they will still make the drink for you the right way just because they feel bad for you.
>>986 There used to be a grocery store near me that had the best donuts I've ever had, but now they stopped making them. It's all about making more money for these places. >>997 Creme Savers were really good.
Ahhhh I can't stand living like this! I'd rather have all my fingers cut off one by one than to have to suffer this again! I can't believe I forgot what I was going to do!
>>986 >Best pastry >you don't need to DO anything, just don't stop. >>997 >Why do they remove the delicious things? >>1005 >and they say that it's because it sells better to idiots >>1012 >donuts There was a regional brand of donuts that I grew up eating. They sold out to a conglomerate and the confectioners sugar that was used in the original recipe was replaced by high fructose corn shit to cut production costs. The price of the donuts never dropped though. I think they now taste like acrid plastic. It amazes me that when I've brought this up to people they don't notice the difference. Maybe I'm weird in that I dislike high fructose corn shit in solid food so much, but can tolerate it somewhat in carbonated drinks. I can imagine some don't mind the taste as much, but the fact that so many can't even notice that the recipe changed bothers and weirds me out. Like, as long as the logo and packaging remains unchanged, the donuts could be replaced with dog biscuits and there would be people out there that might not notice any difference and like with so many other things... they keep getting away with it!
>>967 Same here, the Internet if very important for my social life because it is almost not existing irl. I also have a hard time to open up irl, I actually have severe issues of showing emotions at all. Of course I do have emotions but I somehow just can't show them. While I don't feel shame or regret when I enter social things, I rather feel very bored and disinterested or even disgusted, depending on what is going on. Furthermore people tend to annoy me irl but I like them on the Net, well at least I like them on imageboards. The Internet surely provides a lot of things to learn but I have to admit that I only use it for anime, video games, imageboards and music. I would like to read more but I rarely do it, even though there would be some topics that interest me. Having stuff physical is very appealing to me, I don't like the trend of having everything digital one bit. Anyway I would not be more productive without the Net, to be honest I would be bored. I am very lazy and very uncreative, I would have no idea what to do without it.Sometimes this fact still bothers me. I felt that, kind friend. I have a ten year older brother who basically raised me because my mother was busy with my sister who gave her trouble and my father was working all the time. I grew up with so much stuff from another generation and also started to use the Net at an way to early age. I am completely detached from those around my age but luckily it doesn't bother me anymore.
>>1157 >I actually have severe issues of showing emotions at all. I can joke with people and be lighthearted (I come across as such a space cadet that I pretty much have to), but that's really as far as it goes. I don't really know how to be serious. I'd be completely useless at comforting a sad person and would just come across as uncaring and monotone. I also have feelings and ideas that I don't know how to articulate or put into words and probably come across like an idiot. >Furthermore people tend to annoy me irl but I like them on the Net, well at least I like them on imageboards. Same. I used to have friends in school, although I'd rarely hang out with them. We ended up parting ways a long time ago, and while I wish them the best also don't regret becoming a loner. I always have really been one at heart and need a lot of time away from people to recharge. It would be one thing if I had people I had more in common with, but even then I care too much about pursuing my interests and following my usual routine to spend more time with other people. Maybe that would change if I met the right person though. >I would like to read more but I rarely do it, even though there would be some topics that interest me. I'm that way with physical books, but I like reading books on the computer in between doing other things. >Having stuff physical is very appealing to me, I don't like the trend of having everything digital one bit. I enjoy the convenience of having everything on my hard drive, but I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket. Physical media helps with that, but I also don't like being tied down by having too many possessions. >Anyway I would not be more productive without the Net, to be honest I would be bored. I am very lazy and very uncreative, I would have no idea what to do without it.Sometimes this fact still bothers me. I have enough offline interests that I could find stuff to do, but it would really bug me if I wanted to look up information or order something and didn't have the Internet to do it. >I have a ten year older brother who basically raised me because my mother was busy with my sister who gave her trouble and my father was working all the time. For me, my older brother is just under ten years older than me. On top of that, my childhood was relatively isolated. I was homeschooled and didn't have cable TV until I hit puberty.
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I dislike the fact that i was a waifu-friend of a meme (Corona-chan). It feels terrible trying to masturbate and only being able to think of her, then feeling guilty because I stopped obsessing over her once art stopped flowing. I went to so many corners of the internet to get all the pictures I could of her, but now that she's technically dead because no one really cares enough to make content with her the only thing I have is a bit of guilt for no longer believing in her as strong as I did in the beginning of the previous year. I wish my problems could be more mundane but for me this is a big issue a year after I stopped believing in her. Should've become a waifufriend of something less trendy that would stand the test of time
I randomly feel like shit for no reason. When that happens, I start worrying that I'll feel like shit for longer, which makes it hard to recover.
Fuck carpal tunnel syndrome
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I've been reading a book called Hitler's Beneficiaries, and it made me realise that for how horrible socialist countries always become, I can realise why people support them. Although the Nazi party basically utilised slave labor and destroyed my country along with many others, the people who they cared about were actually happy. Obviously, it would not last in my opinion, but I see that they had actually good intentions, at least for their own people. This gave me realisation of how effective just destroying things of others and utilising slave labour is and why people cling so much to the idea. Because who doesn't want a situation in which you don't have to worry about the world around you and can take part in fulfiling jobs. But this brings me to a realisation, is such happiness only possible while hurting other people? I don't want anyone to be hurt, I know it's impossible to not hurt anyone, but there is a difference between some people being hurt and such large scale exploitation. It terrifies me because for the last 20 years we've been doing the same by buying products from China and most people are only now noticing it. I believe in libertarian principles but I'm scared that even those are only workable due to taking advantage off of someone else, that there can be no freedom without slavery or stealing the property of others. Why is the world so cruel /kind/? I don't need a perfect world, but it seems to be completely horrible. I wish things were better. I get really sad and depressed thinking about it all.
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My mind shut down when I was driving and I ended up in the wrong lane and I got cussed out by another driver. I used to drive on that route regularly, but I suddenly had no idea what I was doing or what lane to be in. I hate driving so much and probably shouldn't be on the road, but I really don't have much of a choice.
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sometimes, society is shit sure we are in one, cause we need to survive, however it would be a miracle if many people understand and live out the fact that not everyone is the same. sure a certain person is competitive and want progress in a short amount of time as possible, but, it doesn't kill, or is a loss, if most of us be a bit kinder to each other.
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It's really hot. I feel feverish and I can't sleep, my mind feels dull and stupid, and the air feels so thick it makes it hard to breathe. I can't participate in most of my usual hobbies, since the heat and humidity might interfere with them, and I can't concentrate anyways, so I've just been lying around in a daze and doing nothing, which makes me feel even worse. I keep eating too much, especially sweets and sugary foods, and I'm worried I might start gaining weight as I reach wizardhood; no one else seems to be worried for me, though. I don't know why I have so much difficulty controlling myself. I think I might also be going through a crisis of faith.
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Today I had an epiphany - I'm too stupid and can't even handle elementary-levels of math. I laugh at myself all the time, but this just hit different. Maybe I'll laugh at myself a little more.
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As I watch videos of very amazing public speakers, I wish I could carry myself like they do. One of the videos I was watched was with a Communications Expert who I got to listen to as part of my externship. The video was very inspirational, but I couldn't help but wonder - for people like me who have already had extremely severe social anxiety for most of their lives, and whose voice is generally much too meek and timid - is it already over? Or, perhaps these people just have something even most people, socially anxious or not, will never have? All throughout school I have constantly been praised for my writing, but because of avoidance due to severe social anxiety, my communication skills have remained quite poor. At this point, they even feel so stunted that I think I may be mildly autistic sometimes. I'd love to be this super animated, overflowing with charisma and a booming voice kind of person, especially because it seems the world values public speaking skills far more than writing ones.
>>1393 >especially because it seems the world values public speaking skills far more than writing ones. Well, it's because they do Anon. But still, that doesn't mean you just give up. If you can't be a great orator, then strive to be a great writer. Or artist. Or programmer. The point is to find something that you enjoy enough to spend countless hours practicing at until you get good enough to turn that into a marketable skill. Good luck.
>>1393 I remember in school dreading presentations, struggling through them and then getting bad grades on it for the nervousness. I'm not sure what the teacher thought, punishing me for my anxiety will make it go away??
>>1393 Public speaking is just another form of acting, friend. It's not for everyone. In school, when I had to do presentations and the sort, I just accepted that I'd make a fool of myself and then took advantage of that fact. It's fine if you aren't great at it. There are plenty of things you can do that won't require it. You don't have to be Times magazine Man of the Year. You just have to give things an honest effort.
>>1395 I used to have this issue, but at some point I stopped paying attention to others presentations. When I started doing that I was suddenly able to assume that 99% aren't paying attention to me anyways so it's just me and my teacher. After this happened I started getting really really good grades when it came to presentations and people were genuinely surprised at me frequently commenting on it, and then I realized people do pay attention to my presentations and now I'm back to being absolutely useless at them due to sheer anxiety. Haven't been in school for many years though. Luckily most of us don't have to do any public speaking our entire lives, but it's good practice for getting used to speaking to multiple customers at once if you're working retail and talking to a big family or something so it's good for something.
>>1402 It was similar for me in the opposite way around until early highschool, I remember even liking the attention when presenting, until one day I suddenly started stuttering, forgetting my words, turning my head bright red so much I felt it was exploding and so on. I wonder why that happened, it's like I became too self-aware or something, like a switch suddenly flipped and I couldn't even raise my voice anymore, weird. >>1393 >All throughout school I have constantly been praised for my writing, but because of avoidance due to severe social anxiety, my communication skills have remained quite poor Shouldn't writing be a skill you can get good at without worrying too much about social anxiety? I like to think of it a bit like any form of art, a different kind of communication than typical social back and worth, you can express opinions that you couldn't do in a normal kind of way.
>>1393 Thank you. I'm going to college now for Computer Science, so I'm thankful that at least in the Software Engineering industry I wouldn't have to be bombarded with the "Why are you so quiet?" question as often as I have been in school, at least. LOL >>1393 Not with becoming a well-known author. Among well-known authors, there's no speculative evidence that what any of them had was ever more than your typical shyness, like Ernest Hemingway, or voluntary choosing to stay more under the radar, like Emily Dickinson. Many authors have became well-known only posthumously, so that could have been a factor, but most of the same like Louisa May Alcott still had to keep pushing their works to publishing houses, despite constant rejections. Fortunately, I have no interest in my writing becoming well-known or even being public at all anymore so it's not a huge deal to me. haha
The streets of my city are stalked by sickening creatures of the night. I saw a feral neighbor shitting on the sidewalk tonight. I'm sickened.
>go to big city in years >see evolution spectrum on the streets, some can't even speak our lang >beggars everywhere >drugsellers everywhere >traffic is horrible >50% gun shop ratio in some areas >islamists with 3 women that might be his daughters or wives >They talk about how this city's girls are sluts and shit, they are the only ones eyeing girls >some of them will go to west and people will think everyone from my country are apes >i have to endure this for 2 months I hate everything about city.
I have trouble interacting with people. My social skills are not the problem though. When talking with people I feel suffocated. When I endure this feeling I can never seem to open myself up to anyone. I endure it until I can't any longer, it feels like my insides get wound and wound until I cannot breath. I sometimes will try to make a friend but I have to warn them I will only vanish one day after saying goodbye however I still feel like I am only harming people by talking with them as they will get attached and I leave eventually. I feel as if by talking to me I am depriving them of a better relationship. I try and try, but the result is the same. I have garbage bags of rotting food in my room and I am not making important phone calls I need to make as I am just too afraid. I guess I need to look after myself before I try look after someone else.
>>1453 Holy fuck i was just thinking about that, i have a old friend that called me a week ago and talked about how i never call back him despite we having fun while we are together. Friendships are too hard, i don't know how people hold 10+ years old friends.
>>1447 >>1446 Take the anti-urbanite pill
>>1454 What makes it hard for yourself friend? Do you feel like an alien? there are no communities that I feel I fit into as isolation has rendered me a bit different and I find that a pain. Do you have any friends? I only post on boards between entertaining myself now.
>>1457 I was late to this socialising thing, especially the online one. I was content without friends nor internet until my late 14's soo i had no socialising experience at childhood except two kids, i think people gain the social experience and social cues around that time but i didn't(or i am autistic). In HS i made friends because loneliness was kicking in but after i turned 16 they started to go the "bad guy" route in life, i think the 50 shades of gray populated around that time and it affected how they thought about women. Probably the first time i felt a great awkwardness about socialising was at that time, they choose to act macho and tryhard, they started making less jokes for fun, more jokes for the social latter. It did work for them considering they all had several gfs at the same time after i leaved their group. I became a loner again but no more as lonely, had a crush on another loner guy(this is the only time i had a gay crush, i hope there won't be another) i hid my crush but we became friends until the end of hs. I have some temp friends irl and i feel more alien than i have ever felt but i have a optimist view on life, i don't feel lonely nor sad, just sometimes angry. I can talk without stutter, i can understand some social cues and people don't think i am a creep. tldr: I feel alien but not sad. I have some temporary friends. How about you, do you have friends? >>1456 I might start working in ships as a engineer, i think that is even better than going in woods as a shepherd.
>>1463 If you had the ability to easily be social without the autism hindering yourself, do you think you would do so instead? From what you are saying it sounds like you had a friend group but they matured and became "incel" like? I have no friends and beyond posting on some slow boards I do not talk to anyone except social workers who I am considering to stop contact with. My experience is a little different however I have experienced some true isolation. I feel detached and as if I am alien and not due to being unable to understand people but understanding them and finding it all so strange. Detached as in I cannot seem to enjoy others company and it only ever seems to cause me stress, more bad than good. I have quit talking with people and just read manga or novels instead. What temp friends do you have? friends online? online friends are friends too you know. If you desire a friend and just seem to have trouble with being social then I really think you should consider trying as all sorts of people can make friends on the internet! You can have that friend to share your life with together if you try hard. Doubt I can but you could :)
>>1453 >When talking with people I feel suffocated. >When I endure this feeling I can never seem to open myself up to anyone. Same. >>1454 I lost contact with my friends after high school, and it doesn't even matter to me. I hope they're doing well, but I'm too much of a loner to maintain friendships. I'm really introverted and my interests are too niche.
>>1471 If you had the ability to easily be social without the autism hindering yourself, do you think you would do so instead? I don't like normal people, i am happy with my life the way it is. >became "incel" like Something like that. In my country girls usually don't pretend like they don't want "bad guys" soo most guys seem to become gangster-like in their 20's for girls. >I do not talk to anyone except social workers who i am cinsidering to stop contact with. Did they have any positive impact? The temp friends i have are all irl, they are from a course for ship maintanance. Most people online are too political and aggressivr all the time it feels draining talking to them. >Doubt I can but you could i hope we all can find friends we share a life with. >>1481 What are your interests? Maybe there is someone with that interest.
>>1484 Girls can tend to be drawn to bad boys and boys to those who flash flesh etc and that is just the way it tends to go. I cannot really tolerate normal people either but can get some good conversations out of strangers when I do go outside. Normal people seem to wish they can be themselves for the most part and are afraid of being ostricized. >Did they have any positive impact? They actually do at least one of them does. He will chasing things up in the system for me and help me with things which is really nice. >The temp friends i have are all irl, they are from a course for ship maintanance. This sounds nice really. Anyone there you have gotten to know a bit and seems cool? Normalfriends are everywhere and even in psychwards! so IRL is hard to find someone you can gel with. >Most people online are too political and aggressivr all the time it feels draining talking to them. Oh this is too true. It is just a pain talking to people who are stuck in their ideology. You could find some cool people maybe if you try. >i hope we all can find friends we share a life with. This is what life is about. Even if you can be content alone doing your own thing it is a hollow existence.
>>1484 >What are your interests? Maybe there is someone with that interest. I like old media in general and am rarely interested in newer music, movies, TV shows, or video games. A big problem is that my interests are always shifting and stopping me from delving too deeply into one thing. Right now, for example, I don't watch movies. A deep enthusiast for a given topic would accuse me of being a "tourist." I'll be into one subject for a little while and then get sick of it and move onto something else. I usually come back to it later on, but it's kind of hard to connect with someone if your shared interest ends up becoming more of a one-sided interest.
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I just looked up what Kappa actually are. What the fuck is their problem? They seem like assholes. They drown children, rape women, and steal people's souls from their butt. Not only that, but they're weird turtle men. They have all sorts of strange anatomical features. In conclusion, Kappa are creepy critters that are not to be messed with unless you know what you are doing.
>>1592 Just give em a cucumber bro
I love you anon and only ever get sad thinking about you. You always meant so much to me and that has not changed. <3 it does not need to make sense friend.
>>1535 Your posts remind me a lot about myself, I can strongly relate to what you are talking about. I still don't know if it was isolation, my mental issues or the fact that the Internet more or less raised me made me turn out the way I am now, most likely it is a mixture of all of them. The main issue now is that I have nowhere to fit into as well, the places I knew are long dead and the people I knew long gone. Now everything I do is visiting boards and entertaining myself too. Most of the time I don't even post. Sometimes I ask myself why I am still here. My interests shift too but I have to admit that they just go back and forth from video games to anime. Most of the time I am content with being alone but sometimes I do miss people, even though I don't really have something to talk about and mostly fail to connect. Even if I do, it is just too much work to maintain a bond with someone. I can talk to somebody for 5 minutes and I have already enough, I just don't appreciate the company of people, too stressful and having to look out for their needs, feeling and so on. People just annoy me and often I can't relate at all und don't care either. Like you said, I feel like an alien but most of the time I am alright with it, now and then I mourn it though.
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I've been reflecting on my emotions deeper than ever this year and it's driving me crazy because the abyss is not only staring at me but jumping out at me and melting my brain. Whenever I get too close for comfort it locks me out and I'm wondering if that's normal, would a normal person do the same thing and just be confused or scared at what they're looking at instead of being blocked and blinded out of it? Did I pass that phase already and I've gone deeper? Is this my soul protecting itself from the material world and I should look for my answers elsewhere? Sometimes catharsis leaves you empty. You could have arrested development, this problem could need to be addressed another way, or you sent off a piece of your soul on accident.
>>1599 Isolation has its benefits but when it comes to functioning and maintaining a healthy perspective or being able to relate to others I think maybe it is actually bad? feels bad anyway and I would have it no other way. Even if you could feel close to others it becomes impossible for other reasons due to isolation honing your edge in a unique way compared to the rest. there is no turning back and I would have it no other way in the present state. >>1605 Do you mean you are becoming numb or feel as if there is like some barrier between you and how you feel? This is bad anon if you are becoming numb. feel free to ignore this as I only speak from my own experience and what I have seen with others but emotionally being incapable is the endgame. I have talked with doctors about this and tried to research myself and it seems that people can turn to stone for what can be years to the rest of their life. Good luck.
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>>1599 >The main issue now is that I have nowhere to fit into as well, the places I knew are long dead and the people I knew long gone. I know that feeling, except in my case I never fit in in the first place. I don't think I could ever go back to using a traditional forum, for example. I was too edgy for them ten years ago, and I'm even more so now. I hate drawing attention to myself and feel vulnerable when tied to a fixed identity. >Most of the time I am content with being alone but sometimes I do miss people, even though I don't really have something to talk about and mostly fail to connect. Even if I do, it is just too much work to maintain a bond with someone. I can talk to somebody for 5 minutes and I have already enough, I just don't appreciate the company of people, too stressful and having to look out for their needs, feeling and so on. Same. The only people I really like to interact with are my family members, and even then I need a ton of time to myself. Maybe someday I'll find someone I really like being around outside of them, but whenever I try and be sociable I end up questioning why I even bothered trying in the first place when I'm not enjoying myself.
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>I'm gonna try to be productive today >suddenly, feel bad FOR NO FUCKING REASON >browse imageboards and yt videos
>>1617 Very traumatizing ordeal, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
>>1635 I appreciate your sympathy, but, in all honestly, it was probably more traumatizing for the ladybug then it was for me.
>>1636 You're very brave, friend. I just hope that you are being honest with us about your feelings. We're here for you!
yasashikushite ne>>1622
>>1268 ekusuplosion
>>1244 ah well, it s annoying isnt it when someone bans you without prior warning. it feels gloomy. like rainy clouds like moody. yeah, moody things have no warning everyone is moody im hitorijanai. tsk
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>>1592 That's the point of a kappa, it's a youkai after all! For example parents tell their kids who can't swim yet the story of how a kappa will snatch them away into the water and eat their liver if they get too close to it, just so the kids won't get careless around the water. Like other y Youkai though, the Kappa can also be nice if you catch it offguard, by fishing it for example. Then they are even teaching people their secrets about medicine, helping with fieldwork or promising to never attack humans anymore. So Youkai bring mischief but they can also be helpful, which is what makes them so interesting in my opinion!
>>1668 When you think about it, the stereotypical imageboard user is a lot like youkai. Rotten ugly bastard that's up to no good. A good example to children as how not to be. They can be helpful if you catch them off guard and talk about something they like. Oh, and you won't see them for yourself very often. Still, the kappa and other youkai do more harm than good. Not worth dealing with them unless you just happen to have leverage on them.
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>>1671 >the stereotypical imageboard user is a lot like youkai and the lurkers of the human village stand back and stare as admins and jannies swing into action to deal with the occasional incident and sweep things up from time to time
Lying is very difficult. It feels wrong and treacherous. One time I was forced into an acting class and my mind simply bricked itself. I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not. I can't lie. I can't pretend. I can't put on a mask. I'm me, Anonymous! I'm no one else. In this world it appears that's not enough. It seems like humans must lie. I don't like it. I don't want to lie. I want to be me, even if I'm not the best. Until the day I die, I hope to remain entirely myself, no matter the consequences. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven, I guess.
>>1686 iktf, but I got over it by roleplaying and trolling. It helped me understand those I disagree with by pretending to be them. Still, explicitly lying IRL is completely unnatural for me.
I just completed an hour long psychological test only to find that I'd have to pay to receive results. This was mega cuntish. Even though the price wasn't that huge, it would be immoral to pay.
I’m conflicted over how a friendship ended several months ago, and I’ve been going through various emotions and thoughts about it. Whenever it crosses my mind, it usually gets me frustrated, and upset to the point of it taking up significant amounts of time ruminating on it before I can let it go. It’s all I can focus on once I’m thinking about it. It’s a problem, and I should probably see someone about it, but I don’t really like shrink settings.
>>1689 That stuff is so annoying, I’d wish they’d be upfront about that
Yesterday, a giant fly flew into my house and kept flying around. I tried to zap it with one of those paddle zappers. During the fight, it got onto web of a rather large spider (bigger than the fly), ripped out a big chunk of it and escaped just as the spider was about to grab it. The web didn't even slow it down. I managed to zap it and wanted to put it in spider's web while stunned, but it woke up in seconds and acted as if nothing happened. Then it hid behind furniture. Fuck flies, I need more spiders. Preferably also bigger ones, since local spiders make weak webs.
My friend told me kind of recently that if his girlfriend told him to stop hanging out with me then he would. He's my only friend and I keep thinking about that, just cemented my plan to eventually move out of town and gradually distance myself from him.
My ability to connect with people is so bad... I have 4 friends, I see them occasionally, but am still so terribly, desperately lonely. If I can't even connect with my best friend who also has assburgers how am I going to find a gf?! I don't want to die alone
>>1711 That's rough to hear, friend. I'm sorry. Is there any reason he said that?
>>1711 Is this girlfriend new or was he with her for a long time? Is he a loser? It's common for losers to go all "hoes before bros" when they get their first gf, who usually leaves them shortly after. Sad reminder that you can only trust people who could have harmed you but chose not to.
Sometimes, I wish I was a sporty blabbering loudmouth with mainstream interests and 20 less IQ. It seems to be what everyone else would rather have me be.
Thinking about starting to ghost and deleting all channels of communication with my only friend which is also an online friend. I just can't do it.
>>1719 not that this should be taken as advice or anything, but i always assume that every online friend will do that eventually
>>1713 They're having a bunch of relationship troubles, she's not exactly the most understanding when it comes to his health issues. Then there's also the fact that he's pretty sure she's cheating on him or seriously thinking about doing it, he said that more as a "I'm that desperate to keep her" sort of thing, I think. >>1714 I guess he kind of is, although I say that as a bigger loser than he is. They've been together for about eleven years and she's been his only girlfriend the entire time. It's really stupid but he was actually a big factor that kept me in this town since I didn't want to lose his friendship.
>>1722 I'd rather be single at that point. It seems like a large point of stress for him. Some people will do anything to avoid being alone. Honestly, he seems he's become a bad friend. Don't hold it against him, but definitely start looking at more options for your future.
>>1689 I've had that happen to me, although I don't know if it took me an hour. It really grinds your gears, doesn't it? >>1712 I know that feel. I feel lonely even in the presence of other people. >>1719 I think you should let him know beforehand. I did that to my friends and kind of regret not telling them that I was deleting my social media account. >>1722 He sounds really desperate if he wants to keep a woman like that around.
>be me >get in a course >all men class >Teacher is always horny >Students are always horny >they always talk about women they fuck or will fuck >they admit their biggest hobby is sex I hate normal men
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>>1738 This is a problem with normalfriends in general. Many normalfriend women are like this too. Taking the autistic schizoid pill and just ignoring all of them and blatantly ignoring social norms for socialization is the way to go.
>>1738 This is one of the worse kinds of coomers, though not the very bottom. There are worse, like those whose pride in life comes from their coomer escapades and putting others down if they don't have high scores. Normal "people" are like a different species. Disgustingly "biological", instinctive, impulsive.
>>1740 looking back at my yearbook years ago I was called a "pimp", I used to take that as compliment even though I didn't have any high scores because I was too focused on other things after school but looking back everyone was making fun of the way I was walking (pimps walk limping with a cane and my knees were bad)
>>1738 What kind of course is that, I can't imagine any professional setting where that would be an acceptable topic.
>>1743 You'd be amazed at all the kind of places where people will inappropriately talk about sex.
>>1738 Sounds pretty cool.
>>1739 Thats what i will do asap >>1743 Ship maintanance but it wasnt that different in any other course with majority male population.
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My hair always feels greasy, and when i touch it I need to wash my hands. I take showers, and I don't even think my hair is any more greasy than the average person. I just hate the feeling of oil on my hands and it pesters meee.
>>1782 My face is oily like that. I'd need to wash it 4+ times a day to keep it not greasy.
>>1782 I always had greasy hair as well, now that I shave my head I have a greasy scalp 6ish hours after shaving. It's annoying and basically means I need to shave every day, but I'm lazy and it tends to be every two to three days instead.
Why is there literally no active libertarian board anywhere?
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>>1864 you should be happy with what you have, friend... libertarianism is a niche interest that seems to have had its time around the early 2010s or so. i wish you a happy monday also! ^_^
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angy and dont know how to talk about it
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>having to work I'll never get over how over half of my day is supposed to be dedicated to mandatory activity of "being an adult" and "contribooting to society". I won't even get to return to be a glorified NEET again because I'll die early due to tons of stress through all my life.
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My shrink isn't responding to e-mails and I'm on withdrawal
I will avoid saying certain words here so as to avoid getting this place any undue attention and preserve it, but I ended up taking the devil's shot today after my family pestered me about it for god knows how long. Virtually every single day, whenever the opportunity presented itself, they would pester me about it. "Did you check if you can take it already anon? You better go get that shot anon. I heard it's killing 14 year olds now! Oh, it's not like I'm scared or anything. I'm just, y'know, concerned about you. It's not like I'm trying to find validation for my vapid existence. Better go watch the news for more!" I'm paraphrasing here, of course, but you get the gist of it. The last sentence there is especially aggravating as the people in my family will claim they don't watch the news because it's so biased, but the goddamned TV is almost always turned on the most subversive news channel in our country. The point is, I don't know how to feel about it. Many aspects of my life make me feel this way, but it's as if I lack any agency of my own. I don't even feel like a tool. Rather, I feel like a dog. I may have just become complicit in a scheme that could potentially enslave us, and I felt like I had no choice in the matter. Whenever I tried to talk to my family about it, their answers were always the same. "Oh, it's not like it'll kill you, anon. Oh, you're so afraid anon, I understand, you hate shots, huh?" All despite the fact that this was never the point I wanted to make. But my attempts at conversation always fell on deaf ears. That's how it's always been with my family. There is never any space for anyone to have an honest, sensible discussion, and when I try to talk about my own individual opinions and feelings, they get aggressive. I used to get into nasty fights with them over this, but once I got older, I realized it's pointless because they'll never, ever change. They speak in a sort of cacophony, repeating the same things over and over without ever actually saying anything. I realized that's why I felt so lonely for most of my life. And now, because of this goddamn family, I may have made my own contribution to the fall of decent, sensible society, which brings me to my next point. It's depressing just how little agency we have over ourselves. I'm not talking about free will or anything, but rather about how little we can do to make our lives better. I always try my best to have a positive outlook on life, especially after being suicidal for so many years, but the fact that we are looked down upon so much by those who rule us, to the point they treat us as nothing more than lab rats, is exceedingly depressing. I can only hope that one day we will rise above this and come out better, rebuilding civilization from its ruins, but it living in such a world feels like a curse. It really is as if God has abandoned us. Whatever agency we may have had has been stripped from us violently. I genuinely fear for our future, and in my case, I live in a country which may very well be close to its ultimate downfall because certain individuals want power so, so badly, that they are willing to bring everything down with them as long as they get to sit on their decrepit throne. When one of the biggest criminals in your country's history gets away with everything scot-free while aiming for the highest possible position in the federal government, the message is clear: "you are trash. Concepts like good and evil don't matter. Crime does pay and there's nothing you can do about it. If you believe in morals and standards, you are an initio and deserve to die." And people applaud this in droves. I'm just rambling here. But I hate this goddamned world with every fiber of my being and the fact that I always feel like I'm being pushed around, along with the people who praise it.
i relate to this. cathartic ramble op. >But my attempts at conversation always fell on deaf ears >and when I try to talk about my own individual opinions and feelings, they get aggressive i could never understand why people get hostile when others question things. shouldn't we always be questioning things, having dialogue, and play around with ideas to test ourselves? that sort of type who reacts angrily when you question some meta narrative they depend on, i don't get it. it can always be explained away by some sort of school of psychology or philosophy, insecurity or a self defense mechanism, narcissism, or however you might care to frame it. question some crucial fiction that others require to mask their anxiety and the walls come crashing down. what struck me about what op wrote and i find most painful is when you have to accept that you're thinking and questioning and going about life all embodied and conscious and that family members, who you would hope would be those that you could rely on most, are effectively living on autopilot most of the time. there, but not there. realizing that there is no point in having any sort of discussion with them that involves anything beyond basic pleasantries and casual what have yous. i have to stay superficial with some adult family members or they will throw tantrums like children if you propose an idea that they are unfamiliar with or is too complex for them to follow and they rage rather then ask questions and try to learn something new. i've had to deal with this and it's a terrible heartbreaker. it can be hard to feel compassion for them when they are being the aggressor and bringing unnecessary anger to the table. i hope op can get some distance or whatever they need, so that a situation like that doesn't cloud their vision for the good things in this world. there have been times when dealing with the fact that i have family dangerously skewed towards the far end of the npc spectrum and it effects me in ways that it shouldn't and can make everything look bleak at times. it can be a hard head space to snap out of.
I WISH I COULD CREATE A MECHA ANIME/MANGA/WHATEVER But I have plot ideas nor any no mecha design ideas. It's just the IDEA of creating a work that features mecha that draws me in so much. Mecha stories are always larger-than-life, often both literally and figuratively, and as such appeal to my childlike mind. "EVEN MY FATHER NEVER HIT ME!!!" - I feel as though Amuro's famous line after Bright slapped him is something that could only be uttered in a work unbound by reality as to feature giant robots. The scene featured no robots in it and yet the energy of a giant robot battle is present in Bright's slap and Amuro's response to the slap. It's perfect. It's just so perfect. I love it. I don't like most things, but this I most certainly do like. Robots make me happy.
>But I have plot ideas nor any no mecha design ideas Should be "But I have no plot ideas nor any mecha design ideas" The post came to me very suddenly, so it's expected that I'd make such a mistake
I wanted to play vidya after work today. I've been looking forward to it all day, but now I don't even feel like it. Man, I hate working. I want to go back to the NEET life so bad. Hell, the only reason I got a job was to give myself a chance of keeping my driver's license. Get paid tomorrow, don't have anything I really want to do with it.
I got a canker sore after I scratched the inside of my mouth with a toothbrush once. It feels as if something was stuck in my mouth at all times and hurts like sore throat.
My cat was ill and unable to shit because of intestines clogged with hair. Now he can shit properly, but associates shitting in the litterbox with pain, so he shits outside of it.
Sometimes it seems like almost everyone online nowadays is like a mini e-celeb - constantly having 5+ people liking their posts, giving them tweet replies/anonymous asks (Tumblr)/etc. Meanwhile, pretty much all my social media posts are like talking to myself, because my accounts have such small presence that no one cares. Somehow, it's like I'm even more invisible online now than I am in real life. Normally I don't care, but I made a livetweeting account that I don't think anyone is going to follow, but at the same time now I feel awkward not using it.
>>1924 >Sometimes it seems like almost everyone online nowadays is like a mini e-celeb - constantly having 5+ people liking their posts, giving them tweet replies/anonymous asks (Tumblr)/etc They might be friends?
>>1925 No, not in the communities I'm on at least. Most of us follow people we don't know personally IRL or well at all. Yet they still tend to get more interaction with their posts. Out of all my followers, only two or three of them are actually my friends. To be honest, I don't get why the rest have followed me back at all. Well, actually I don't offer pretty much anything original on my account and I post much more rarely nowadays so that could also be why I get no interaction from anyone else.
>>1924 Getting visibility is really hard when you're starting out. Do you have something or someone to "get a boost from"? For me, I deved an open source game and most of my changes were well received. Then I split off from the main branch and enough people "followed me" that I'm getting about 100 regular downloads per release and have 100 online people on discord. Granted, those aren't close friends or anything, but many of those people "notice me" and some offer valuable help. Do you have a gimmick? An "autism" that would attract weirdos? A niche interest? You could join forums related to your interest and put your twitter in the signature, then try to be helpful to people. The "larger" you are, the more chances of being noticed.
>>1924 >why can't I be a celebrity on social media and have people give likes to my life I don't want to sound un/kind/ but that's just about the most stupid first world problem I've heard. Are you doing anything worth caring about? Like posting art or something you made, or engaging in some movement/hobby that other people might be interested in?
Also do YOU engage with other people and actually become someone that people know or care about? If you post an interesting comment at someone else, whoever reads it may then check out your page and see what you're about.
>>1937 This is why streamers read people's comments out loud and call out donators. It gets people engaged. For me, doing it would be ultra unnatural to just insert myself into things, but apparently normies like it or at worst are just slightly annoyed by it.
>>1936 Have you considered the context of this post? It's a rant/vent thread, where people complain about >ladybugs flying in their ears >JELL-O stopping selling one product >oversalting eggs >having a greasy face >lack of libertarian boards
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>>1924 >Do you have something or someone to "get a boost from"? There is a Discord server for the game I'm planning to currently livetweet so I think I may try promoting it there. >Do you have a gimmick? An "autism" that would attract weirdos? A niche interest? My "autism" is visual novels, which are still pretty niched I guess. Congrats on your game, by the way. >>1936 >I don't want to sound un/kind/ but that's just about the most stupid first world problem I've heard. Well, calling it stupid doesn't exactly do your intention many favors. You misconstrued or didn't read my whole post at all. I didn't meant complete social validation for every mundane thing in my life, like posting I'm taking a dump and wanting to get likes for it. To reiterate, I don't normally care about the lack of interaction I get on my posts. It's only the lack of followers on this new account I made that bothers me specifically, because I made it to post commentary for games I'm playing that I can show to others as I'm playing them. In that case it would be awkward and pointless to use it with no other people following it (or just one other person, because my best friend did just follow it shortly after I made that last post. But in that case, it would still be awkward because I might as well just send him commentary directly.). >Are you doing anything worth caring about? Like posting art or something you made, or engaging in some movement/hobby that other people might be interested in? Engaging in movements and hobbies is the only reason I'm really even on social media. On Twitter, I retweet and reply to people's tweets all the time, actually. I've noticed alot of these popular accounts are of artists, but unfortunately I can't draw. The only artistic thing I can do is write, but I have no desire to gain an audience for my writing anymore. I can translate Japanese and I really enjoy it, so I've considered starting an account for that but I'm not sure I can just translate things like text from people's fanart on it. I'd have to get permission every time, and most Japanese people are uncomfortable with having their content translated unless you have proper credentials.My speaking ability is much lower than my reading comprehension so I'd also have trouble communicating such requests.
I think it's time I cut contact with my friend, he's the only irl friend I have though. I really need to try to find an apprenticeship I can do away from this town and just cut ties with him and practically everyone else in this town apart from close family. Even my little sister apparently wants nothing to do with me, I've tried talking to her through Facebook over the past couple years but I get nothing. Grandma gets a call from her at least once every two or so weeks yet she complains about my sister never talking to her, I'd fucking kill for her to actually go out of her way to talk to me that often.
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>>1949 How do you fall for someone that basically hates you? I think you should try cutting whatever social media you met him in if you can. You will probably realise how stupid you are acting if you stay away from the constant stimulation caused by him. Also don't admit to being a girl on imageboards because girls are rare on imageboards soo your fingerprint becomes unique and you become easier to dox. You could unironically pretend to be gay because there are far more gays than there are girls on ibs.
>>1951 >You could unironically pretend to be gay because there are far more gays than there are girls on ibs. Females can be told apart from gay men pretty easily if you know what to look for. Gay men have more direct, fact-oriented speech patterns, while females share "experiences" and talk much more about own feelings. Granted, only "schizo pro" posters will reliably notice the difference, but if you care specifically about doxxing, you're up against those. Why would you even do that, though? Just be neutral until someone asks directly. Lying will annoy people when they find out.
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moral of the story: dealing and socialising with people is overrated
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Goddamn I hate ironic weebs. The fucking worst ever. I don't give a fuck about their lame shonen trash or their epic meme rap songs. I don't even watch anime anymore because it feels like bad luck. Heaven forbid they rape good stuff.
>>1956 Don't let others ruin your enjoyment of a hobby friend
>>1957 thats why i stopped going to /a/, its just people calling all my favorite anime trash.
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>>1957 I had some beverages, and now I feel like an animal that will be hunted to extinction even if not hunted. I've been drinking and things just feel more and more hopeless. The fact that I have nothing to come home to feels absolutely horrible.
>>1959 All I'll say is, I don't really want cross-contamination. I don't want to bring the invasive species to the place I'm trying to protect. I love Touhou. I don't love how much my friends tell me how much they want me to fuck that slut or other vapid shit. For me, it's an innocent thing that I find fun and interesting. Something I love doesn't deserve that poor behavior and that negative exposure. I want to at least experience what is offered before it is ruined.
>>1958 >why i stopped going to /a/ If it wasn't for places like that I never would have learned that I am a casual and that the way you graduate to non-casual status is by calling others a casual without offering any explaination or bothering to address what was being discussed in the first place.
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My computer keeps turning itself off.
>>1974 Is it overheating? When was the last time you cleaned it?
>>1976 It might be overheating due to the hot dehumidifier I'm running, and it has been a while since I cleaned it. It doesn't look that dusty looking inside, but I should still do it anyway. I had a similar problem with a computer a while back, although that was a freezing issue and it ended up being the motherboard that was bad.
>>1978 Try running something that measures temperature of CPU and GPU, then run a stress test for one and later for the other. If the hardware isn't new, it might be thermal paste rather than dust. My house is ultra dusty and everything becomes covered with a visible layer of dust every week, but so far all my problems with overheating hardware were due to paste rather than dust+cat hair.
>>1963 Chad yes
>>1983 It was a pain, but I ended up taking it apart yesterday and cleaning out the dust. It worked fine for the remainder of the day, and I haven't had it shut off today yet either. Just for comparison, it restarted itself twice yesterday before I cleaned it. I'll have to give it some more time to see whether or not I'm out of the woods yet. I also took a look at the temperature when I first turned it on post-cleaning, and it looked fine then. I might have to look into it more if I run into any more problems.
I 'REALLY am hating myself this morning. It seems I can't do anything right and seeing anything that resembles some part of me makes me feel disgusting.
>>2012 Don't say that, I am sure you good at something, just don't let a few mistakes let you down, keep going. We all have to start somewhere, practice makes perfect. Be patient and kind to yourself. It will pay off.
>>2012 It's not healthy to think that. Even if you don't like something about yourself, try to think only about how you can improve it. >seeing anything that resembles some part of me makes me feel disgusting It helped me to spend more time in front of a mirror. But also meds, since body issues this severe may be from OCD. That is, if you have other symptoms, like thinking about "cringy" things you did 10+ years ago, picking at your skin whenever you feel an imperfection or thinking you may be a pedo.
>>2015 >That is, if you have other symptoms, like thinking about "cringy" things you did 10+ years ago, picking at your skin whenever you feel an imperfection or thinking you may be a pedo. not that friend but i do this all the time. also have body issues, but coping by accepting that as a hikikomori it does not matter. all i need to do is not look at myself and then things are okay. physical bodies are beneath me, i am an emotional being existing in a spiritual sense. no body.
>>2024 Meds helped me a lot with OCD. Didn't fix it, but made it possible for me not to care about dumb shit. Feels good not to have so many irrational worries. Or maybe not good, because I have anhedonia so nothing feels actually good, but certainly less bad.
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>>2028 i used to be medicated, but i got that anhedonia, then i increased my dose without consulting my doctor and started hallucinating lol haven't touched any meds since.
>>2030 >but i got that anhedonia I had mine for decades, I didn't hear of anyone getting it from meds. If I had a choice between anhedonia or OCD, I may consider OCD as lesser evil. But I didn't get a choice, so anhedonia it is.
>>2031 >I didn't hear of anyone getting it from meds. Not him, but I think I've heard of it before with SSRIs.
>>2046 It's relatively common in long term SSRI use. I prefer being a bit unstable over the constant boredom.
I don't think anyone in my family respects me very much. My sister in particular despises me. Talking to any of them makes me feel depressed. I want to go somewhere so far away from here.
>>2095 Why is that anon?
>>1992 Any news? Did cleaning do the trick?
>take vacations >suddenly sleepy all day every day >when not sleepy, it's random nausea and confusion instead I just want to do nothing in particular, but I can't even do that.
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A neverending downward spiral >I am unable to find a girlfriend. >This makes me lonely. >The loneliness makes me more desperate, further lowering my chances of finding a gf. >This adds incredible sexual frustration, further lowering my chances of finding a gf. >My self worth is practically zero at this point, a sad looser continuously masturbating to deal with his very high libido. I cringe at my current state, unable to change it. >The loneliness and frustration make me severely depressed. At this point my chances of finding someone are practically zero, I lack the energy to attend the social events I so desperately would need to improve my social skills and perhaps meet a qt girl to awkwardly attempt flirting. Nofap, meditation, exercise, self-help, relationship advice, the top 50 search results for "how to find a girlfriend". Nothing improves my situation. The current "level" of the spiral is suicidal thoughts, and I really don't want to go further. I just want someone to hug before going to sleep, someone to be intimate with, someone I can look forward to seeing when waking up. Because the first and last thing on my mind, every morning and every evening, for years, has been crushing loneliness. It takes ages to push aside the self hate and emptiness when going to sleep, though hugging a rolled-up bed sheet and pretending it was a person helps and it takes over an hour on most days to fight the paralyzing existential dread in the morning before I am able to get up. And throughout the day, if I am not consumed by this dread, I am constantly distracted by my insane fucking libido. Puberty is over, has been for years, but I am pretty sure my libido kept increasing, the sexual frustration is driving me crazy. It's so uncomfortable to write this, I cringe at my own post, but I need to vent. I feel like a degenerate, an animal in rut, masturbating so much and still getting boners left and right. Even worse is that my best friend, instead of a downward spiral, went through a positive feedback loop. He got laid, his confidence went through the roof, that helped him pick up more girls, he got experience, which made the ordeal even easier. He's had a happy relationship for months now while I halved my circle of friends and failed at establishing a workout habit in my life. I am so fucking pathetic, I know what steps I need to take but am unable to take them. It takes so much to not let my envy ruin our friendship. Why would people want a depressed looser in their group? Who invites the slouching killjoy to a party? And even if I try to hide it, the thoughts are so intrusive and heavy that they shine through and people see past the mask. And that's maybe even worse than the killjoy, someone who's hiding something, the weirdo with the off-putting body language. I want this to end, it hurts so much, and there is no way out. tl;dr: >tfw no gf
>>2102 Yes, it's been working fine so far. Thanks. It didn't even look that dirty before I cleaned it, but it did seem to solve the problem. I haven't had it turn off on me once yet.
>>2123 I used to be like that. I just let it go. Found things that I really enjoy in life and focused on them. It hasn't gotten me a girlfriend, but it at least got me feeling alright with myself. If someone has a problem with me, fuck em. I'm not perfect, and that's fine. Parties are easy too. It's okay to make a fool of yourself, so long as you're having fun doing it. Do that, and you'll stop being so self-conscious around others as well. What I'm trying to say is, there's more to life than sex and getting a girlfriend. Sure, might be lonely sometimes, but that's what hobbies are for.
>>2125 I wish that'd work for me. I have hobbies I am genuinely passionate about, play 2 instruments, socialize whenever I find the energy and generally try to get my mind off it, as you suggest. It's just not working, the sheer intensity of anguish practically paralyzes me if it comes, flushing away any thoughts about things like hobbies. I've tried "letting go", and occasionally it even works. But even if, at the end of the day, as I try to fall asleep, the dread returns and washes over me. I logically recognize that life is more than romantic relationships. I just think I am unable to understand that on a subconscious or emotional level.
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>>2124 Never mind. I left and came back to it, and it was restarted.
>>2127 Sorry man. I didn't think it'd be much help, but you never know. Hopefully someday you can accept it though.
I don't particularly mind the work I have to do with my job, even if it's not something most people are willing to do. One thing that bothers me though, is the shitty radio station. I work at Walmart, so all day I have to listen to Walmart radio. It's all inoffensive top 40 trash or garbage 80's pop music. It's mindnumbing. I try to listen to my own music when I can, but I can't use both of my earbuds in case I get called to take care of something. It really gets to you by the end of the week hearing the same songs every goddamn day.
>>2130 >garbage 80's pop music '80s pop kicked ass.
>>2123 >He got laid, his confidence went through the roof, that helped him pick up more girls, he got experience, which made the ordeal even easier. Promiscuity and relationships built around sex is decadent, degrading, and immature. First change those priorities, standards, and ideals you set for yourself. Women kind of suck and they can and will make your life more miserable if you seek out relationships just to fulfill this ideal that modern society has about men; but you shouldn't treat women like toys, either. Is someone who just lives to have sex with women really the kind of man you want to be?
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>>78 My dog of 16 years died and I'm still deeply upset
>>2139 I'm sorry to hear that anon. It is hard to lose a lifelong friend like that.
>>2133 >Is someone who just lives to have sex with women really the kind of man you want to be? Not really, no. But I am so desperate I am questioning one of my core ideals, that I only want sex in the context of long term relationships, because I can't find a partner. I don't want to loose my virginity to what would practically be a stranger, but it seems like the easiest short-term fix for my current state. I've so far decided against it, but the misery is so much I can't help but to grasp at straws and at least consider any way of getting out of this. And I kind of live to find a woman. One of my big goals in life is to have kids and have a family, which isn't sex or anything but I obviously can't do that alone.
>>2139 my condolences. sixteen years is a long time and such a long life for a dog. i know someone irl who recently lost an older dog and is still grieving too. it can take time feel through that. i still miss my childhood dog to this day.
>>2125 > Found things that I really enjoy in life How did you do this? I just don't understand how I am supposed to find something that I genuinely enjoy.
>>2150 Try new things. You'll find something eventually. For me, it was a friend that introduced me to racing and the and the technical stuff behind it. Before that, I didn't really care about that sort of thing. I just went really fast here and there, usually because I was running late for school. If you don't have any friends that might help you get into something, you'll just have to try things until something sticks.
>>2140 >>2143 Thanks for the kind words. I think I'm slowly healing but it still really sucks, especially with anxieties over what if he could've pulled through and what if I didn't treat him as well as I could have.
>be me >porn addict since forever >all degenerate shit, can't even get it up to vanilla >try nofap for 2 weeks >Still can't get it up to vanilla 3d even with 2 week's horniness How can i just have normal sexual attractions
>>2153 You can't go back to plebshit just like that. Also, the thing you most likely call "vanilla 3d" is probably just a bunch of normalized fetishes. That you may not have. Don't try to become a normie. Just do less of the things you want to stop doing.
>>2123 Thank you for your post, it is very emotionally honest. I am in the same situation, I crave to be touched every day. Seeing other people write about it are one of the few things that bring me a bit of sanity. Especially since it's a subject that doesn't have much place in conversation, at least offline.
hi frens! just discovered this board so apologies if I make a mistake. anons I’ve been feeling sick. so sick that I just sleep all day and only wake up to either throw up or use the toilet. the fact that being alone and having nobody to nurse me made me think about my life choices. I discovered some random girl’s flicker. she must be using it as her facebook or something because it’s filled with so many great memories like watching the sky with her friends and going to festivals and such. I’m so sleepy I will think about this stuff after my fever dream. Let’s just say this thread is a hello from a newbie and set aside the bad vibes for later.
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>>2161 I can relate to those feels, newfren. I hope your health improves and you can come to peace with what troubles you.
>>2162 what’s your address? I have to sex you.
I wonder if it was my sickness or something but imagine being so alone that you want to fuck the first person that responds to you. sorry.
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>>2163 heh, heh, heh... that was unexpected!
>>2165 yeah I’m a person of surprises. unfortunately for you though i’m a guy.
>>2141 >But I am so desperate I am questioning one of my core ideals And right there is your problem. Never compromise on your ideals or your virtues; it's all you really own. Especially not just to get easy pussy. You're too focused with what you think the world and society expects you to do, and too obsessed with your own self-pity, and for that you will earn absolutely no sympathy from me nor should you expect it from anyone else. >One of my big goals in life is to have kids and have a family Admirable, but it will be an incredibly difficult and harrowing experience given the state of the world, and that's just finding a woman you can trust to be your wife. This is an external issue and has no relation to your quality as a person. Even becoming this supposed chad who fucks tons of bitches all day doesn't mean the bitches will be improving with you. In my opinion, any loose girl who just sleeps around with anyone isn't worth the precious time and energy wasted on interacting with them. You should be asking yourself "Are they worthy of me?" instead of the other way around.
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>>2139 That really sucks. I don't even know if I'm going to want another dog after my current dog dies because of how hard I know it's going to be to deal with.
>>2177 I felt similar when my cat died. Ended up getting another, though partly because he needed someone.
>>2168 He has my sympathy.
>>2168 >You're too focused with what you think the world and society expects you to do Really? I actually sometimes wonder if I should focus more on what society expects, since my path is making me fucking miserable. If I'm miserable while *not* following my dreams, I could at least point at a few accomplishments or something. >and too obsessed with your own self-pity I'm not this obsessed with it usually. I'm using this thread to vent, I totally see where that impression comes from, but that's because I've only shown that side in this thread. >You should be asking yourself "Are they worthy of me?" instead of the other way around. The problem is that asking myself that further reduces my chances of starting a relationship and my lack of a relationship is causing this anguish. I'm not planning to let go of my ideals, but there's a part that *definitely* wants to.
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>>2164 I know that feel anon. I once entered a relationship with the first person that even talked to me. Literally first person. I have since learned to not be so desperate to not be alone and will not date someone opposite of the sex I'm attracted to again. Yes. I was that desperate for a friend. I felt I had to do anything to keep him as my friend, and that's what he was looking for. In the end it did not work out because I like women and I only caused problems. >>2184 >Really? I actually sometimes wonder if I should focus more on what society expects, since my path is making me fucking miserable. If I'm miserable while *not* following my dreams, I could at least point at a few accomplishments or something. I think going with the flow of society is not great unless it is something you also desire. I prefer to not compromise my ideals over being "normal". I have tried being normie and doing what society expects and even though it makes me a more functional human being, it makes me feel even more lonely as it feels like I'm not me and just living a weird character in a world I don't fit. It's dissociative in my experience.
>>2151 I don't even have the urge, motivation and energy to try new things. I am just lazy and want to have it as quiet, slow and comfortable as possible. Thanks anyway though, maybe one day when I feel different I will remember your advice.
Not really negativity, but I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I'm planning on moving out of the house with a few friends. Only issue is, I'm not sure if I want to try and transfer stores with my current job or look for something new altogether. With my current job, I make $11.25/hr. It's the worst paying job you can get there, but it's also easy. I could transfer to a new store and maybe move to night shift where I can make $15-$18/hr. If I get a new job, I could make around the same while also doing less shitty work. I could get an entry-level job working on vehicles which would be nice. I think I'll transfer stores then look at job options afterward, seems like the best plan of action.
I'm tired of working. I wish I could go back to being a NEET but still have the structure of a part-time job.
I miss when vidya was fun and not something to drag myself into just to feel something remotely fun instead of mindlessly tacking away into the void of image boards.
>>2256 Me too. Haven't played in 2 years though, why do something I don't enjoy anymore?
>>2256 Force yourself into some of the supposedly bad games. They may end up fun enough. I play coomer games. They are never truly good and I don't fap to them, but it makes me try out something I wouldn't try otherwise and it ends up kinda fun.
Rant/vent thread is more about anger and there's no sad/disappointed thread. I would make one but my threads die.
>>2284 >Rant/vent thread is more about anger and there's no sad/disappointed thread. Don't know, I'd say it still probably fits here. What's disappointing you, anon?
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>>2287 >I'd say it still probably fits here i agree, like this friend pointed out... >>1941 rants can come in all shapes and sizes...
>>2287 I alienated a relatively "important" person by enforcing rules after other user complained of his childish and offensive behavior. I kinda provoked him by arguing with him instead of ignoring his bait. Then keeping it up even as he has shown that he won't listen to reason. From his side, it may look like I banned him for disagreeing. It was one of those moments when you have to choose between benefit (let it slide) and principles (no preferential treatment). I always go with principles.
>>2293 All jannies should be beheaded.
Why do I suck so much at cooking? Holy shit.
>>2293 Stick to your guns, priceable = paramount.
Principals = paramount*
>>2297 I can't tell why you suck, but I suck because I'm too afraid to burn things or add too much oil, so I end up undercooking things or having them stick to pans.
>>2302 Sorry, I was just mad at the time because I messed up flipping an omelet in such a way that it splattered all over the kitchen. Yeah, it's hard to balance between not burning things and making sure they get brown enough.
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>>2297 >>2302 >>2314 I know those feels, fellow kitchen frens. The first few times I attempted this technique, it did not go well. I was also once banned from the kitchen for a time because I set fire to a tortilla.
Tried to make conversation today and was just ignored and talked over. Again.
I know programmers aren't very social, but I wish I had some place to talk about programming with people. All the tech boards always devolve into tech support and talking about various products and there's little to no productive programming happening. And when there is programming, it's always very low ceiling terminal scripts or "what language should I use" type beginner stuff or something, instead of actual software development.
>>2324 I know this feel. Even things as simple as "why should you write testable code" or "how does this SFINAE thing work?" drown in language questions. And in places like 4ch, many of the "experts" are so antisocial that they may as well know nothing at all.
>>2324 I go to the lainchan programming board sometimes. Smugloli also has a tech board with some competent people, but there's not a lot of activity at all.
>>2324 I wanted to resurrect Wirechan's /g/ but I don't really have much to say, I barely program anything outside of work now.
I've felt pretty good for a while, but suddenly I just feel like shit. I think it's because I got a job and am around my coworkers most days. Makes me feel alienated and strange compared to my days as a neet, where sometimes I'd feel a little lonely, but not too horrible. Hell, I'm not even that weird, I just don't have anything in common or to talk about with others.
>>2346 I felt restless and lazy in my time as a NEET, but now I'm starting to miss it. I work a split shift now and feel like I have no time left to do anything anymore. I wish I could have a good balance.
damaged my ear then damaged it again 2days later with shower stream now it feels heavy, and I even got something like tinnitus reeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>>2351 Damaged or clogged up? I clean my ears with q-tips because it's hard to stop doing it and it ends up clogging my ears once in a while. I have to apply paraffin to dissolve the crap or water will just stay inside after showering.
>>2349 I enjoyed the restlessness. Now I'm lazy when I'm not working because, well, work is exhausting. >I wish I could have a good balance. Yeah, me too. A job I'm considering has 4 12hr shifts a week. I think despite the higher amount of hours, it'd be easier to do things because the work is less spread out.
>>2371 I regularly feel like shit for no reason. I just blame brain chemistry and distract myself.
This website pisses me off. Kindness is gay as shit and you stupid friendgots just keep being cordial at worst. It's just not right. Fucking freaks.
>>2028 Meds actually helped you? I'm in a state where I don't know if they are helping or not, I don't really feel much different, but when I don't take them by accident sometimes, I feel far more terrified. That being said I was in an environment that facilitated my OCD worsening so that's the thing.
>>2123 Anon, things won't get better if you just find a girlfriend. You cannot substitute self-worth by getting a partner. Yeah, it might help sometimes, but it's a perfect way to get into an unhealthy relationship. You need to start liking yourself and pulling yourself by your own weight. Stop looking for romance, and look for friendships and if you do, romance will come on its own. But you can't worry about things like sex or romancing others, you need to just interact with people and not tie your self-worth to sexual achievements. If you think that you need sex to be happy, then you will miss the things that actually can make you happy as well as coming off as desperate. If you think that you can be happy despite not having a gf, you will start living for yourself instead of living for others.
>>1956 Stop going to places that they dwell at. Also try hiding your power level irl. Also this >>1957 >>1958 >>1963 If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter. The only reason why people truly hate casuals is because they act like their tastes are somehow phenomenal and they try to impress others with their tastes.
>>2381 >I don't know if they are helping or not I couldn't tell at first either, but after a while (couple of weeks) I realized I no longer spend so much time obsessing over dumb shit and when I do obsess, it isn't as bad.
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Can't seem to stop ordering junk food and wasting my money and my health. Probably going to die of a heart attack before I get my first kiss.
>>2385 >If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter They don't matter, but they annoy me. I'd rather people who don't share the same tastes as me don't enter threads for things I like that they don't like.
>>2378 It's probably just something I'm overlooking.
>>2385 >If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter. It's not that I care about others' opinions, more that they do repulsive shit. For example, people chopping up a 90's sports car and turning it into a useless, ugly mess with awful modifications and shitty paint. I don't care that they have shit taste, I hate that they applied it to something I like.
There's a huge spider on the wall of my room I'm afraid and don't know what to do
>>2425 Spider fren might be in need of your help. Maybe catch it in something like a cup and let it outside?
>>2414 You mean, some event in your life? Subconsciousness doesn't hide things well. It's more likely that you have a sedentary lifestyle, don't get enough sun, bad diet, too much caffeine, lack of social contact or something like that.
>>2426 I'm sorry friend but it is dead now. I usually just ignore them but this one was way too scary.
>>2393 pic related >>2423 I was mostly referring to how people get sensitive about their shit taste in anime, but your reason stated is a good reason to get mad at casuals.
>>2444 I found two more of the same kind just before going to bed. If I stop posting they got me...
It really is frustrating to know that I wasted time to wait for family to change. Learned helplessness and codependency are mental hells. I found a condo but it's in a virus ridden city. At this point, I might as well play with death and if I die, I die. I already feel like I am not living anyway.
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I don't know if I was even able to fully fall asleep at all last night, so I pretty much ended up staying up all through the night. I've also been feeling so horny that I compulsively fapped like 4 times in the past 24 hours. I don't know what's going on with me. Hopefully if I go to sleep earlier tonight I can get myself back on track and stop feeling like garbage.
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>>2382 I went for years without actively looking for a girlfriend, working on liking myself and don't give a shit about sexual achievements. I've tried exactly what you're suggesting for at least 3 years and it's not working. The problem isn't the lack of a gf but its result, the loneliness. No amount of meditation and self-improvement can fix the fact that I haven't fulfilled one of my baseline animalistic needs. I can accept the fact that I am alone, that acceptance hasn't done anything to my underlying emotional state.
>>2445 >pic related It hurts when people deliberately try to upset me instead of just leaving me alone. There is quite the big difference in intentionally entering threads with things you don't like, and other people entering to try and upset you because they don't like it. One is a deliberately unfriendly action, the other is passive and not a choice that is taken.
>>2494 Stop taking things so personally anon, especially from people over the internet. Doing that will improve your mood ten-fold.
niggas iffy uh
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Beyond all the politics and spiritual ascension what my anima/heart desires most to be joyous is to live in the 90s and 2000s and have the childhood I was denied by my parents. There will always be a hole in heart from never being young and free.
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>>2519 Other than crappy fan subbing, low internet speeds, and low resolution anime, the 2000s were truly a wonderful time to be into anime culture / an otaku. Things were more innocent and fun back then.
>>2515 I try. >>2531 At least we can still watch 90s anime.
If you have zoom, this might be a good place to let it out: https://ytprivate.com/watch?v=Y42p-6XpJWU
Not sure how people can still use the social internet it's a bit of a joke. I think it's about time to quit somehow. I guess just stop thinking I can find a real human on the internet, it's not going to happen. And I just don't enjoy the anonymous garbage going around. I'm sure some people will be posting on futaba imageboard clones their entire life but I'm not really feeling it and it doesn't look like friends are something that happens online either at least for people who aren't into pure rubbish. I really really wanted things to get better but there's nothing I can do. I can't fight it I have to give up I'm not happy I'd rather be unhappy and just never read a single thing written by another human, I guess.
>>2540 You want to be social on the Internet? Places still exist.
>>2548 Bad places, that I don't like. I'd even argue there are not "places" the internet has become just on "place" I don't see the difference between any of the social websites. But I'm happier now. I rarely ever post anywhere on the internet and when I do it's to complain about something I'm not apart of anymore like just now. When I got tired of the 4chan circle I was desperate to find a friend but it's not happening. I look forward to the next world when Jesus comes.
>>2548 >>2550 I find that socializing less makes the little socialization I do have feel a lot more special. I spend 90% of my waking hours watching anime or working on projects, and once every few days I'll check out a couple smaller imageboards and see what anons are up to. Constant socialization online is not healthy so it's good to take breaks, and avoid the mainstream sites (mainchan,reddit,twitter,tumblr) as much as possible. Most people there unfortunately are doing themselves a disfavor by socializing too much which makes them easily a bit jaded and prone to focusing on things they dislike rather than spending what little time they do have on things they really like.
>>2553 I cannot bring myself to care about random anonymous users and what they're up to. I'm interested in living and dying with someone, but when I look into it, humans aren't really made for that. Humans are pact animals but not bounding animals. People with friends when you look at them their friends are a weird web of people who don't really seem to know each other very well. It's no wonder so many people kill themselves when they reach 40, you're just sitting in your home alone you've seen everything done everything and you're disintegration and tired. And as things are moving faster people become outdated faster and feel disconnected with what's new. I think it's very important to have someone close to you before it's too late as every passing year it gets harder. Some people might enjoy futaba imageboards their entire life but I very much doubt it I think they'll one day want something more and it'll be too late. But lots of other people are also just fine with never having anyone and they die of old age some day and enjoy their TV until then.
>>2555 Go outside then. It isn't that hard to make friends. They might not be exactly what you want, but friends are good to have all the same. Get a job and don't be an antisocial loser. Learn to make small talk and shoot the shit with people. Don't expect other people to do all the legwork either. If you can't handle that, you're hopeless.
>>2557 >Go outside then. It isn't that hard to make friends. I'll stop reading there. have a nice day and life, genuinely, remember God loves you.
>>2555 >I cannot bring myself to care about random anonymous users and what they're up to Then I question your desire to go to imageboards. >Some people might enjoy futaba imageboards their entire life but I very much doubt it I think they'll one day want something more and it'll be too late It's possible to have both.
>>2558 >God That's not much of a friend. >>2557 >It isn't that hard to make friends. Except when it is.
>>2561 > > It isn't that hard to make friends. > Except when it is.
>>2534 Yeah that's another good thing. It's nice to be able to go back and torrent older anime that I haven't watched.
When I haven't gone outside for a few months I start fearing the outside and the people that inhabit it. Is this normal? I genuinely don't want to go outside.
>>2574 Is it fear? Or is it a Learned Helplessness thing?
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>>2575 A bit of both. I can't shake the feeling that every single person I walk past can tell how much of a mess I am and are looking down at me. Like they know I'm not supposed to be there.
>>2565 I read this book and it's incredibly american. For example, frequently using someone's name, in Europe would be considered weird. It also doesn't cover keeping friends well. The book would be better named >How to win American friends and influence American people as a normal American
>>2580 >For example, frequently using someone's name, in Europe would be considered weird. I'm American and feel weird addressing people by name for some reason. From what I've read of Dale Carnegie's ideas, they sound like they're just about insincere flattery and buttering people up to be used for your own ends rather than cultivating earnest friendships. I'm on good terms with most people I meet, but I wouldn't call that truly making friends. Friendship to me is something deeper than that.
>>2580 Then how do you address people? Do you use nicknames? I'd rather be called by my real name rather than nickname because people overuse nicknames. Once you have a nickname it becomes your identity that others have named you instead of your name. I makes me feel like my real being has been forgotten.
>>2588 I don't think nicknames are all that common outside of people that are really outgoing. With my friend group, there are no nicknames. We usually just say the generic man, dude, etc. Sometimes it can get a little unkind though, but it's fine as long as we're all having fun.
>>2588 You don't need to directly invoke someone's name/title/whatever in most conversations. Most of the time "you" is enough, especially when it's 1 on 1. "How to win friends" recommends invoking the name more often, even when it's clear who are you addressing. It says people like hearing own name. It may be helpful with big ego managerial types, but to insecure people, it may sound like you're singling them out for something. Europeans are statistically more reserved than Americans. Many non-English languages have multiple ways of saying/implying "you", so calling someone's name stands out more than in English.
It was a mistake to make my personality solely about my hobbies.
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Speaking about self-help books and >tfw no gf, here's a book I really wish existed in english: "Lessons in Love for Herbivore Men". Yes, this is the book that coined the term. As the author describes it, it's a book on love for gentle, inexperienced men, and how you don't need to be macho or masculine to have relationships. Sadly the term "herbivore men" became a buzz-word when the media picked it up. A very negative one at that, associated with men being feminized, weak and unmanly. You can read more about the book here: http://www.lifestudies.org/herbivoreboys00.html
I literally go to college and say like nothing to anyone unless it is a friend I agreed to meet up with (which does not happen very often). I can literally count on my hand the amount of times I talked to other classmates this semester and I am already in week 3. Today was probably the day I did the most. This was because I forced myself to participate in a literary discussion with the whole class and I could feel my heart palpitating while doing it. I just want to meet new people at school. Lots of people I know met their partners at school and joined lots of groups thanks to college, yet I have had no luck insofar. I guess being online my first semester is an excuse to justify this in some respects though.
>>2672 Sounds like my relatively normal friends I have. They don't seem to click with anyone like they did with me and other friends. I figure it's more difficult to make friends at this stage, despite people seeming more friendly. You don't have people thinking "oh hey, he likes video games too, how cool!" like you maybe would when you were young. I'd recommend clubs, but according to one source I have it's pointless. 'course he joined the E-Sports club at a small school while being very good at games, but that's another topic for another time. I'd maybe look into forming some unofficial, more specialized club. You might run into some people you don't care too much for, but maybe you'll run into a best friend for your adulthood. A lot of people join clubs just for the sake of it, me included. It can introduce you to new concepts and people. I'd definitely consider it. If you aren't that interested, ignore it. Not much to lose.
>>2672 Don't expect to get any friends, think of them as colleagues. I'm pretty asocial myself, but almost always had someone to talk to in college. Then I graduated and haven't exchanged a single sentence with any of them. So don't get your hopes up, but also don't beat yourself up over mistakes. You'll be more comfortable with people if you think of them as temporary beings that will disappear forever as soon as they get out of "context" that is your life. It won't turn you into a psychopath or anything, because you'll know it's just an inner act, but it can really help with irrational worries over stupid things you can say. Since you sound very reserved, you may need to meet a lot of people before any of them stay in your life. So prepare yourself to meet a lot of people who will disappear.
My uncle only has a few days left to live. I was never close to him, but I still feel bad about it.
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I fucking hate autism. I am not joking, I think harder when talking to people than when coding. Having to deliberately pay attention to my eye contact, inflections, facial expressions and body language is hard. Paying attention to, and INTERPRETING all that from the other person AND adding conversational subtext, while factoring in context, *while still thinking about the subject at hand* is a nightmare. And after all that, I still come across as weird, creepy or whatever else I am being called today. I'M LITERALLY DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR NEED FOR ME TO STARE AT YOUR EYEBALLS AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I AM STARING AT THEM THE WRONG WAY AND THEN WHEN I REFUSE TO GET DISRESPECTED LIKE THAT YOU CALL ME A CREEP FOR AVOIDING PEOPLE AND A LOOSER FOR GIVING UP HOLY FUCK I DON'T LAUGH AT THE BLIND MAN FOR BUMPING INTO THINGS WHAT DO YOU WANT EXCEPT MAKE ME SUFFER EVEN MORE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT And everything is fucking impossible to do. You can't find a job, "lacking soft skills" and failing interviews, and even if I did find one I doubt it would last. You also can't find a partner because a "dating skills" list might as well be a "Things autists suck at" one. The only thing left is my hobbies and the depressing realization that I would love to have a partner to be intimate with, a job to be useful with, or friends to have fun with. I hate autism so much.
>>2708 I'm an autist too, but I'm not the kind who really sticks out at first glance. I fell through the cracks most of my school years but realized I was different back in elementary school. It took years of self-loathing and hammering away at myself to get where I am, and I still can't function as a normal adult enough to live on my own. That's the main thing that bothers me. I feel like I'm almost there but still fall short. Even just driving around town on routes I don't normally take stresses me out.
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>>2708 Having communication problems in general is the worst shit. I have trouble talking fluently and it causes people to lose interest in listening to anything I have to say, or they start interrupting me before I can finish my sentences. Sometimes I need to explain something, then I manage to explain it in a clear way without stumbling on my words and I feel good that I managed to get the idea across for one. The other person goes "yeah yeah" and then asks me a question that I literally just answered because they stopped listening.
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>>2708 >You also can't find a partner because a "dating skills" list might as well be a "Things autists suck at" one. I'm not an autist, but I'm schizoid. Idea of me finding a partner is pretty much psychotic dream tier unreal to me. It's not even that I'm weird (which I am), unattractive (yes), without a social circle (still me), but I can't even imagine how could a person not from my family care about me. My social skills are near norm, but my ability to socialize is a grayed out button. I can get people to listen, I can make them think, I can annoy them, provoke, manipulate, fight for my benefits, convince, but I can't make a single friend. >>2714 Practice thinking what to say as you're saying it. I had friends in childhood and we played RPGs. Later, I had presentations in school. It really helped me to focus on what I am talking about, not do the "uuuuuuuh" when I'm thinking, cut down on words and avoid repetition. Force proper words. I improved surprisingly fast when I remembered to talk properly. Some people will still be dicks, but if they routinely ignore you, you may need to be harsher with them or they won't learn.
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>>2708 I understand that pain all too well, anon. It took years to understand how to interact with people on a functional level, and then my youth was almost completely gone so I struggled and made a bunch of stupid mistakes trying to reclaim something that was never meant to be. To make matters worse I think I inherited my dad's borderline personality disorder, so now that I actually know how to interpret social queues, my brain goes into overdrive and thinks everyone is out to get me. All you can do is roll with the punches, do your best, and drink green tea to calm the brain.
>>2710 The routine thing really sucks. For me, it's people making plans without telling me. I'll get overly emotional over slight inconveniences like being in the middle of cooking dinner and having my mom call me asking me to come over for dinner at her house in a few hours to the point where I have to make up excuses for why I'm so angry over dumb things like being asked to come over for dinner since she thinks if I have autism then she somehow failed as a parent. The only thing I could do to fix it was to either smoke weed or disassociate from my family for a week or more at a time, except the latter just worries them more. I've been experimenting with breath control and that seems to be helping to at least calm my temper enough to realize I'm getting upset over nothing. >>2714 I can speak fluently, however I have a very nasally voice so it ends with the same effect. Then they get mad when I shut down and stop talking to them. Or they continue to talk to me for over an hour while I've been giving no response or the exact same affirmation over and over again, interrupting me any time I bother to try to get a word in. The only solution I've found for this is to interrupt them (in a subtle way that looks like part of the conversation), and then stop myself before finishing my fake sentence, apologize, and make clear that the conversational partner has the right-of-way to speak. If I do it a few times, they catch on and let me finish my conversation.
>>2708 I hate it too, but on the other hand my family is nice and let me be a hikikomori neet without judging me for it. No job, no (offline) friends, but at least I have online people to talk to. >>2729 >The only thing I could do to fix it was to either smoke weed or disassociate from my family for a week or more at a time, except the latter just worries them more. I did the smoke weed thing until it stopped helping. Isolating myself works better.
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>>2185 I had a similar thing. I was in a bad situation and to escape from it I e-dated a guy. I told about this to an online friend of mine but he didn't have a good advice. wish he told me to not do things I'd regret later in life. yeah I regret it a lot now and cringe hard when I remember about it.
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Sometimes I have these nights where I want to burst into tears just like I used to when I was a bit more young, but I flat out can't because I'm dead from within. I know people are supposed to grow thick skin, but I don't want to grow any thicker skin anymore. I can't feel anything.
Platonic love burns my feelings.. I have feelings for moot. Wish i can marry,adopt kids and build a family with him <3 But can't cope with fact that it's impossible.
I'm jealous when I see people with geniuently good family relations because my family sucked dick. Things are better now because I moved away but I feel like I've been robbed. I hate the fact that people treat family as a holy cow that cannot be criticised, I do not want to rob anyone of their geniuently good family relations, but I do want to be able to get out of mine without the threat of societal backlash.
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Sometimes I miss companionship. I have been lonely for many years now and the first few years it bothered me severely. Nowadays it rarely does and when it does it is always the sense of unity that I am missing. Just being part of something, something that unites and gives a feeling that I don't walk alone. Since I work and lost my friends that feeling has been absent. I never felt comfortable anywhere anymore and just didn't click with somebody. Being at places I don't want to be, doing stuff I don't want to do, dealing with people I don't want to deal with. In my early youth I had school, I didn't have any friends there but there was that unity. Everyone was going through the same and with that I was somehow reassured and always had someone I could genuinely talk to about that and received genuine answers. Afterwards I had online friends, people I actually cared about and could talk to about interests. We did so much stuff together, they were honestly the best friendships I ever had After this peek there is nothing. I am used to it now but sometimes it gets hard and I miss the companionship I knew. It just feels lonely, being alone with your troubles, being alone with your interests, being alone with what you do. Without imageboards I would probably be in a psychiatric ward, they are the last outlet I have. Actually reading stuff I am interested in, reading things I can relate to, being able to genuinely laugh. Sometimes I wonder if it would get better if I had online friends again but I am afraid to find out. The magic of the Internet is lost, it has changed and so did I. I am older now, more jaded, more tired, less free time, less patient, more cautions.
>>2764 I have a theory that any kind of prolonged stagnation in life eventually leads to being shut off from socialization. At least I say that from my experience. Even the best friends will move on without you if you're not going anywhere with them. When I was half way through high school my grades plummeted and I lost the will to socialize for reasons that I couldn't really explain. I pretty much lost any friends I had after that and nearly didn't pass a grade. I just wasn't moving ahead with everyone else. I still don't have any proper friends but I can relate to people in my workplace especially my more elderly coworkers who will probably work there until they die. Like you said, it helps when everyone's in the same spot as you. There just aren't too many moments to breath and enjoy a lasting friendship it seems. I wonder if it gets easier when you're older and everyone slows down.
I'm working with a guy who says 'EEEEEEEH' very often, quite loudly and in a voiced tone, not a sigh. I can't really tell him to try to tone it down because he's like 2 steps above me in company hierarchy. It irritates me a lot. I can't focus on anything else when he's talking. He also has an accent I am not used to, so I have to focus on his voice to understand him, but I can't because of the EEEEEEH.
>>2774 Eeeeeehhhhh~
when does it end
>>2774 Are you working with a stern Japanese salaryman?
I'm drunk right now. I'm tired of being rejected and humiliated. A couple of days ago I went out with someone I met but that person told me at the of the day that I wasn't suitable for a relationship, it has happened four times this year. Sex is overrated garbage, since all i can do is fuck prostitutes and get fucked ugly men. I've never been in a relationship with someone that loves me. I get annoyed when I hear people laughing because I think they are laughing at me, it's really common every time my sister brings her friends at home. I try to get into my room as soon as I can while they're laughing. They all laugh like fucking hyenas when they see me, it really pisses me off. Today was a bad day, I want to tell someone irl how i'm feeling right now but I don't have any friends or anyone to talk with.
Another fun day with mi amigos in the sweatshop. Can't wait for more mandatory overtime. Hoping for a natural disaster or something so I can have time off. >>2774 That's kinda funny tbh, better than this guy I had to sit by who snorted his nose all fucking day. >>2797 No friends no gf gang
My computer has no internet access with IPv4 and despite IPv6 supposedly being fine, no internet. I was going to basically cut it off from the internet entirely once I get around to getting something better than an ancient laptop. Still incredibly fucking annoying, especially when Windows 10 made everything a convoluted pain in the ass to do. I really don't like Windows 10. Windows 7 was way more convienient.
>>2799 I would still be using Windows 7 if it was compatible with my computer's hardware.
I wish I had the impulse to learn a creative skill. I'd like to learn one since it seems like a great way to develop yourself and interact with other people, but nothing has ever come up for me like seeing a piece of art and wishing I could draw that, or playing a game and wishing I could code something like it. So if I did try to learn one I'd just be picking something at random and have no motivation to keep with it.
I am so pissed with being shit at social situations. I for the love of god cannot talk to people efficiently. I think this is from talking to my friends too much, and I have really poor social queues and filters, which means I will usually just sperg out about some niche topic or talk super seriously for no reason. I make other people annoyed and don't even know how to improve, and consistently push everyone away from me. Another part of myself I'm pissed about is how sometimes I will get super loud and extremely brash, sometimes even playfully violent with a couple guys. I don't know how much people mind or notice, but I'm definitely much louder. Afterwards I feel like shit, super exhausted and regret what happened. I'm tempted to go to a psychiatrist or someone for general issues, but I despise shrinks because I see it more of a con art than anything.
>>2801 Just gotta start really. I started programming because why not? I like technology. It's a lot of work, but it's fun when things work.
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I got into a good rhythm with doing daily push ups and was feeling good about it, but somehow injured (?) my side while doing it and now my side has been sensitive for several days and hurts sometimes when I walk outside.
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I hate autism and I goddamn hate waking up to OCD-tier panic attacks. Probably gonna drive myself psychotic one day.
Once in a while I get salty about how much better other people's lives are. Not just the rich and beautiful ones, just regular normies and women. I know they have their own problems and shit, but the very fact that they want to be alive and are more happy than not means their lives are instantly better than mine, regardless of whatever they're dealing with.
Stuck in a creative rut unable to work on my 3D models.
I hate how most places have vent threads but are they are really just a place for normfriends to attack people because they are literally animals and think its funny. >>2801 Its not really great for interacting with other people over. Its great for yourself to show sfw on topic work, but it doesnt matter when the normfriends spam weaponized autism all over every site and imageboard with their ban happy bullshit while they literally spam friendgot porn everywhere without consequences.
Wage slavery is killing me, i want to die
>>2858 iktf I spent a year not working because I just couldn't deal with open space. It made me desperate not to wake up the next day. Now I'm a remote wagie and it's much better. They don't check how much I work, only that the work is done.
>>2861 how to get remote wagie job when you already have the skills to do it?
>>2838 kinda in the same circumstance care to share pics of your work?
Wondering if it's even worth seeing a shrink. On one hand, I've learned that a lot of the stuff I went through growing up was actually traumatic and not just something I was too weak to come out stronger from.Once I learned this and found a community of people not unlike me, it drove me to start looking for a doctor. But on the other hand, I can't fully trust doctors in this town. It's "backwards" for lack of a better word, and I feel like if I did go see a shrink, they'd just slap me with an autism (mis?)diagnosis the way doctors did when I was a kid. Because you know, anyone who's shy and depressed must be autistic, there's no other reason.
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I have such weak presence everywhere I go. Fast food employees tend to forget about me. It had happened before at Subway, when I was ignored by an employee at Subway after I asked him a question and I stood awkwardly waiting for someone to answer me or take the rest of my order, as he proceeded to help everyone else in line except me. Then, a few days ago, I made an order for some ramen at a different place and I ended up waiting for over 15 minutes for my order because the employees completely forgot about me. Recently I'm supposed to be helping study groups for a club that I'm in, but in the announcement they only had the name of the one other guy who's leading them and not mine. For work, I also lead a different kind of study session and a few days ago no one except like 1 or 2 people would listen to any of my instructions, and participate after I asked them to unmute or write in the chatbox. On a related note, people would often get scared when I walked up to them to greet them because they didn't see or hear me approaching. I'm guessing this is a consequence of years of social avoidance due to very low social confidence, and having such intense fear of socializing that I never wanted to be seen or heard. However, I'm like a ghost (in some ways even more) online now too. Even on imageboards, I feel like all my posts that I hope someone responds to always get ignored. On social media like Twitter my accounts are so small and irrelevant that I practically just use them as diaries where I talk to myself. When I transferred out of one of the schools I was bullied at, my former classmates from it immediately posted a bunch of group pictures all with eachother and a new girl that transferred right after I left, on FaceBook. There were never any pictures with me anywhere, much less any mention of my name. It was like I had never even gone to that school. I've always been pretty invisible in high school, but now it feels like my presence is even smaller.
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>>2879 Wear one of these and people won't forget you. For most of their lives.
>>2870 For me, it was just applying to workplaces that offer remote work. Many didn't reply, but some did. COVID made it easier to get it, so try to grab it while it lasts. I got mine pretty fast, it was like 3rd interview or so. I asked for a relatively high pay and position above what my resume "supports" (one coworker is resentful because of it), but I got it and now I feel pretty good about it. I guess the most important thing is to "luck out" by trying a lot.
>>2874 Good shrink can help. I got magic pills that help me deal with depression, OCD and ADHD a bit better. I also learned that I have ADHD, which I didn't suspect at all, since I'm a total sedentary "nerd". A psychologist is supposed to teach you skills to manage emotions. To not think about how fucked you are, but what you can do to maximize your chances of improving it. Before the visits to shrink, I gave million fucks about everything unpleasant. I learned to focus on more productive things, at least when I'm magicpilled. I didn't fully trust my doctors either. I still suspect that my psychologists told me things like "you improved a lot" mostly because it's his job to convince me of it, rather than because I improved so much. But at least some of it worked and I did improve a lot, now that I look back.
>>2879 I know some of that feel. It's not that bad for me, but I have a lot of memories of people speaking over me and a few of them only noticing me when I intentionally attract their attention. And I do look a bit weird, so it wasn't that I blended in. What helped me was realization that loud, confident people are treated better and that people don't mind loud people as much as I do. If you're like me, you probably go out of your way not to be a bother, but without understanding normie feelings about what is a bother. Try being a bother. Write more short replies and less "thoughts". Many people will actually enjoy what you could consider unpleasant.
>>2889 That's a good point. I do like to give long replies to people's messages, like 2 or 3 paragraphs at a time and it bothers me when I write out messages that long to someone and they don't respond like that in turn. I find it disrespectful, like they didn't care about what I wanted to say, and annoying, because it reminds of small talk (Which I completely hate IRL). But I suppose I do have to suck it up with with normies.
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>>2887 > since I'm a total sedentary "nerd". this is why you have "ADHD"... because you sit in front of a screen for the majority of your waking hours constantly getting dopamine hits by finding and processing information through the computer, and this has destroyed your attention span and ability to focus. If you broke free of all devices and the internet for like a week, or a month or something, and instead practiced other less overstimulating activities I'm sure your attention span and ability to focus would both increase. Things like sitting down for a couple hours and reading a book, going for a walk on a trail, etc. Just my 2 cents. >>2879 >>2889 >>2908 I know how you feel. I often feel invisible in such settings. I'll say something, and people will act as if I'm not there. I don't know if it's because I'm not loud enough or something. I, too, don't like to be a bother, or be loud in an obnoxious way. But I suppose you ought to suck it up and be obnoxious momentarily in such cases where people are ignoring you and really shouldn't be, like when you said you were in line to buy a sandwich. You're a customer, if you're being ignored then certainly I think you should speak up. It's kind of hard, probably, just to say a simple "excuse me" but I think that's something you'll get over with practice. Lately I have a new job and I actually socialize with normies like... a normie myself. It's kind of cool in a way. I'm still me, though. On imageboards I also get ignored sometimes. Making a long and thoughtful post, I think, intimidates some anons and then they just don't reply at all! Or, sometimes, even if your post has substance there isn't really anything to say back, the post doesn't invite further discussion. Lately I will reply to multiple posts at a time. Not too many, but like here, I'll quote a couple posts and just reply to them all with some of my thoughts at once and it seems to encourage more replies by nature of just increasing the statistical likelihood of a reply. It's also nice because it kind of draws a conversation into a small group of anons instead of multiple one on one conversations awkwardly going on at the same time. But basically, I think you just need to socialize more unless you're just really offputting in real life, but I don't know if you are or not. The way to do it in my opinion is just shoot the shit with people you come across daily. You get better at it. I used to be really awkward--I still am in certain situations--but now I'd say I make better conversation than normies, and it's nice, and it happened just because I got used to talking with people starting at mundane stuff like saying hi to a cashier and asking how their day was and slowly building up to where I feel okay actually talking about more serious things with my coworkers. But because by default I would guess I'm more of an introverted type I seem to come across as a good listener and people seem to appreciate that.
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>>2909 >this is why you have "ADHD"... because you sit in front of a screen for the majority of your waking hours constantly getting dopamine hits by finding and processing information through the computer, and this has destroyed your attention span and ability to focus. I spent a while trying to come up with the least un-kind way of saying it, but the best I can come up with is: Try basing your beliefs more on medical and scientific consensus and less on pop-"sci" clickbait and altmed ideas.
I have been lurking imageboards for five years and have failed to contribute, and unfortunately I think this is the closest I'll ever get to finding like-minded people. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm a retard who has no place anywhere and anything I want to say is better left unsaid. Even the most autistic anons who claim to struggle irl seem to have no trouble talking about whatever and tend to have a sense of humor, wit, & basic communication skills. I don't know how you guys do it, but I'm sure I was supposed to figure it out by now.
>>2915 You should stop caring so much. Just post. You'll get a hang of it eventually. Even better, just shitpost and have fun with it.
>>2915 >Even the most autistic anons who claim to struggle irl seem to have no trouble talking about whatever and tend to have a sense of humor, wit, & basic communication skills What you're missing is all the times where it completely misses the mark. For some of us we have no idea when we do things right or when we do things wrong and basically have to rely on luck for the responses we'll get to our humor and communication. To some people I might at times appear witty and intelligent, but likely someone will the same day call me out on bad humor or stupidity or poor communication. Inconsistent, and don't know how or why. I basically just roll the dice multiple times a day hoping for the best, it's taken me many years to even think that I maybe understand a little bit, but inevitably I make mistake after mistake regardless. Nobody is perfect anon, just keep rolling the dice when you're in the mood for it.
>>2837 Jealousy may be the underpinning of many ideologies, but I can't help but feel the same. The only comforting thing I can say is that many of those people live paycheck to paycheck with no regard for the future, so even if you live frugally and put away something every paycheck, you are probably doing better financially than they are.
>>2819 Waking up to panic attacks is fucked. You're not alone. Be strong.
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>>2915 Buddy, I've been posting on imageboards since 2005 and as the other two friends said, there is nothing to figure out. It's an anonymous board, so who cares about stuff like this: >I just can't shake the feeling that I'm a retard who has no place anywhere and anything I want to say is better left unsaid. No one knows who you are and only mods can see post history, so it doesn't matter whether you fit in or not. If someone calls you a friendgot, you laugh it off or close the tab, then get back to posting. And when it comes to whether something is better left unsaid, you can't judge that yourself. I've spent days working on high-effort posts no one responded to, and I've spent minutes writing posts that were fondly remembered years later.
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>>2819 Me too friend. A truly terrible way to start a day, I operate at around half of my potential after those mornings. >>2915 >Even the most autistic anons who claim to struggle irl seem to have no trouble talking about whatever and tend to have a sense of humor, wit, & basic communication skills. This is the internet, you can spend 20 minutes writing a 5 sentence answer, you can re-read the post you're replying to. Coming up with a witty response is easy if you have more than the socially accepted 2 seconds to answer.
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There's someone who does similar things that I do, at the end of last year I decided to approach them and had a conversation. They haven't appeared in social media since. It's not like it was that kind of situation where someone is romantically interested and makes obliviously creepy comments, it's not like I asked to be their friend or anything even remotely like this, I've seen that kind of stuff happen myself and I understand it makes people uncomfortable, but I just commented on the stuff they made and had a short discussion about that stuff. Is it because I wrote more than just "omg nice I love it!" like everyone else? Why is it so complicated to talk to people?
>>2909 Yeah. This is why moving to a more introverted country, where quietness and avoidance of confrontation actually sounds like a haven at times like that. (But then you'd probably just start getting ignored because of being a foreigner, so I'm sure it would happen just in a different way and/or for different reasons) Thanks. I'm overly self-conscious of ending up looking like a bad customer, although I would never want to be one (Especially since I've worked in food service myself before and know what food service employees have to deal with) >Lately I will reply to multiple posts at a time. Not too many, but like here, I'll quote a couple posts and just reply to them all with some of my thoughts at once and it seems to encourage more replies by nature of just increasing the statistical likelihood of a reply. It's also nice because it kind of draws a conversation into a small group of anons instead of multiple one on one conversations awkwardly going on at the same time. That's very /kind/ of you. Alot of alt-boards don't seem to get very high activity, so I'm guessing that could be another reason for low response rates. Yet at the same time, it's nice that it's much easier to keep track of whether or not someone has responded before a thread is buried. >>But basically, I think you just need to socialize more unless you're just really offputting in real life, but I don't know if you are or not. I don't think I'm completely off-putting, but I wouldn't be surprised if the years of social avoidance have made it much more obvious at first glance that there's something "off" about me. (Not in a creepy way, but more in like an autist way) Or, my lack of charisma is so apparent I show just how doormat-like and unassertive I am at first glance. >The way to do it in my opinion is just shoot the shit with people you come across daily. You get better at it. I used to be really awkward--I still am in certain situations--but now I'd say I make better conversation than normies, and it's nice, and it happened just because I got used to talking with people starting at mundane stuff like saying hi to a cashier and asking how their day was and slowly building up to where I feel okay actually talking about more serious things with my coworkers. But because by default I would guess I'm more of an introverted type I seem to come across as a good listener and people seem to appreciate that. This is a hard one because I genuinely tend to really dislike having conversations without a purpose with people I don't know. I suppose that they're a necessary evil in trying to socialize with them, though. I've been raised to listen more than speak , when meeting someone for the first time, and I think this is good advice to follow even for normies. Too many people only want to hear the sound of their own voice and give input that only pertains to themselves. (This is one of the reasons I've been thinking I find alot of people's personalities too off-putting to bother, which has driven me more into anti-socialness these years instead of just social fear.)
>>2927 >Yeah. This is why moving to a more introverted country, where quietness and avoidance of confrontation actually sounds like a haven at times like that. I live in a pretty introverted country in the northern parts of europe. A few months ago a stranger tried to start a conversation with me and asked me my name and I basically just froze up. Nobody ever does that here. I ignored them until they went away. Didn't know what else to do.
Anything you say or write can be used against you in court. Just because a pig tells you you're under arrest doesn't mean you're considered so, even if they put you in handcuffs, tell you a charge, and force you into their car. If they tell you that you'll go to jail for not consenting to a search, they're robbing you. They are trained experts in violating your legal protections. They'll manipulate and coerce you into signing a miranda waiver and providing a false confession. In court, they'll say that they didn't tell you you were arrested and that you were free to leave at any time. They'll deny that you asked to leave or to see a lawyer or to stop answering questions.
>>2919 I know that the don't have a lot of money, but somehow they are still happy, hopeful, have friends, gfs, futures. I'm in top 10% when it comes to earnings in my country (poor one, I'd still starve in California). I could buy things, but they wouldn't help. I'd rather share half of that with someone who loves me, or spend it on a hobby that I love, or just be wired like a normie since they are passively happy.
>>2923 >And when it comes to whether something is better left unsaid, you can't judge that yourself. And sometimes it's not even what you said or how you said it, but how did the readers "get it". You can tell the same joke twice and get 0 replies the first time, then next time someone gets it, posts a reply and suddenly millions re-read the post and then get the joke. Less is more, except when it comes to number of attempts.
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Another night without friends, but this one is special. This one brings tears to my eyes
>>2965 I'm fine now don't reply to this post, you've probably seen it before
feeling worthless again today and idk how to fix it, i just feel subhuman
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>>2879 Keep your shoulders back, speak loudly, and stand with pride. When you shrink back, people subconsciously detect it. Don't be afraid to be rude and interrupt them if you feel like you are being ignored. The only way to be heard is to make yourself heard, and all the pain of socializing that comes with that. I prescribe anon one loud and boisterous "GOOD MORNING" (or equivalent) at his place of work or school every day to learn how to be assertive.
>>2887 What should anon do if he wants to see a shrink because he knows he has a lot of trauma, but doing so could potentially affect his employment now or in the future because of how the laws allow employers and government contracts to treat those who seek mental help? I have my own routines to help but I know I never get better. I just maintain the status quo.
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>>2915 >I don't know how you guys do it, but I'm sure I was supposed to figure it out by now. All I can do is provide insight into my mentality: In real life I think about what I say because there are consequences to my actions. When I am anon, I say what is on my mind and don't give a flying fuck. You're all anonymous flens and it's not even like we're somewhere where bad actors can propagate readily. If I ever say anything that I regret or begin to take on a cult personality, I can just flip a switch, change my posting style a bit, and I am anon again unless someone has a personal vendetta against me. I think when anon learns to not give a shit but still tries to be cordial/respectful to others when explaining his opinions, he will naturally "create content" in a given space.
>>2932 Not talking to the police is basic safety 101, anon. Unless legally obligated to, which there are situations where that is the case such as traffic stops. Unfortunately each of my family members has learned this the hard way (some more than once because they're too sociable).
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>>2933 I know it's probably not the answer you want to hear this will be my last response tonight, however at the end of the day I wasted six years of my life chasing tail and learning how to chase tail, then after getting what I thought I wanted, I spent another two years discovering that the only girl I've ever loved is fictional and 2D and warm onaholes feel better anyways. In my experiences chasing tail, it became clear to me that nobody else will love you if you don't love yourself first, not even family members who claim to. As soon as I learned to love myself despite my fuck-ups is when I got swarmed in pussy and realized how shitty such an existence was since none of the girls ever truly loved me, they just loved my ability to keep them entertained and my body. I wish I had never fallen for my sister's memes that somehow getting a girlfriend/getting married was the only way I could be a complete person, since women are what almost tore me apart and made me a sad, sad husk of a man.
>>2988 Is your company/boss able to pry into your healthcare history or something? Or are you just not able to get time off when most doctors are available, without alerting your workplace to the fact that you've been seeking mental help? I'm in the latter situation myself. I work weekdays 9-6, so everything's closed by the time I'm off. Meaning my only hope is to find a place that's available on weekends. And there's only two. One is solely for children and the other I've actually been to, but the woman there reminded me too much of a past abuser so I wasn't able to open up at all. Plus her tone of voice sounded infantilizing. It was that same tone of voice everyone at school used with me, adults and even other students, as if they all thought I was retarded or something.
>>2988 Fake identity perhaps? Not sure how hard that is with shrinks though.
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I went too far with bullying my friend today and now I feel really bad about it. I apologized, but still doesn't feel right. Wasn't always this bad.
>>2992 >they just loved my ability to keep them entertained and my body Then you have two things that can make you happier: desirable body and ability to entertain. And those are socially beneficial things, so ones with strongest effect on happiness. Not effectively socially useless ones like intelligence, creativity, knowledge, artistic talent. Plus, even shitty relationships show that people like you for something at all. It's much better to know that most people are not worth the effort, than to think they are worth it but you just can't get to them. I read posts from people who never had any friends. I had friends, had some fun, but it all fell apart because of growing differences and shitty behaviors. Still, I know I'm not so unlikeable that I couldn't ever have friends. Many people who were alone all life think they are, which makes them see their lives as unfixable. Then there is just the fact that most of happiness isn't earned or "won" in any way. It's more biochemistry than psychology. Normies have it, I don't have it. They can be poor, stupid and ugly, but they still like their lives and love their similarly poor, stupid and ugly spouses.
Fighto friends. We can do it
>>2993 Let's just leave it at "government work" and seeing any sort of mental person is instant grounds for termination, and that if there is a name or a debit/credit card attached, they will track it back to me very quickly. >>2994 I hadn't considered that, but a lot of them require you to fill out medical forms like a dentist or eye doctor would, don't they? I'd have to come up with a whole family history and everything attached too, not just a fake ID.
I hate everyone. I hate myself. I want others to hate me, but I still feel sad about it when I get my way.
I hate 80% of the people I work with, but I'm relatively young and the fact I got this job at all was a stroke of luck, and it pays well enough and I get raises every year since I do training/classes on the side and of my own volition since they happen to allign with what I like to do and also will allow me to take on more responsibilities at work. But I truly do hate 80% of the people I work with, as I mentioned. Two people in particular I can't help but wish death upon every time I see them or hear them. I consider myself an objective person so I think my hatred for them is justified, and I'm not a maniac so I'll never snap and try killing them or performing any real violence against them (unless they attack me first and its self defense) but I fear my mental condition is worsening by merely thinking so negatively whenever they're in the office (and they're usually present whenever I am in the office, which is Monday thru Friday). I don't think the situation will ever improve as long as they are still employed by my same employers, but the good thing is that, while this job is good, I don't plan on being there forever, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel in the idea that one day I won't ever have to see them again.
It's getting hot here again., first proper warm day today.
>>3027 Do they do anything to you or just have a personal style you don't like?
>>3031 I guess i should have elaborated on why. The short answer is they dont do any of their own work.One of them is frequently out “sick” yet when he is in the office, he spends a big chunk of the day just chatting and gossiping with everyone (but me, I made it clear long ago Im not a social butterfly) abd the worst part is he is renowned in the company as such a goodie two shoes employee. He constantly sucks our boss’s dick and leaps at any request the boss makes (as long as its simple, that friendgot doesnt take any truly challenging stuff). He’s also got a buttbuddy in the elevated team who, I suspect, does most of the hard work for him. Another employee is one I have the misfortune of having a cubicle next to. He always bitches no matter how simple the work he does is, he swears, speaks sacrilege, always has his one or two buttbuddies answer questions for him or plain out do the work for him. He is also going out once every hour for a 10 minute smoke break and he makes the most disgusting gutteral noises every few minutes, I cant fucking stand him. He puts on a friendly facade but I’ve seen through him, I’ve seen through them all. He doesnt offer help, only takes help. He also does merely a quarter of the work I do but I’ll bet he gets paid more than me since he’s somehow been with the company for over a decade yet his utility is low. There are a few other problem people but I dont want to go into it. They dont do anything to me directly and if they do badmouth me its behind closed doors when I cant eavesdrop on them. One of these days I’ll advance in the company and point out these problems to my boss, hopefully he’s willing to listen. I dont want to show my cards too early lest the blame gets revolved back on me. I need to somehow prove to him we’d be better off as a compny without them. For now, I’ll focus on improving myself.
>>3034 >that friendgot >he swears, speaks sacrilege You shouldn't criticize people for doing the things you are even worse at.
>>3035 Swears in rage while doing his work at the office. Swearing on a website among friends is far different. Plus sacrilege is stuff like using the Lord's name in vain, and I assure you nothing in my post was sacrilegious
>>3036 >Plus sacrilege is stuff like using the Lord's name in vain, and I assure you nothing in my post was sacrilegious Not any worse than what you did actually say.
>>3037 I disagree
>>3043 Well, just try to be better than people you criticize. Everyone thinks their problems are worse than those of others, so if you want to be respected, you have to be more respectful than you think others "deserve". If you think there are things too important to joke about, respect things others hold important, even if you don't see it that way. Otherwise you have no right to complain when they trample your values they do not share.
>>2782 Sorry fren, but mr. bones's wild ride never ends
>>3034 Ants in a colony comes to mind. Those people exist everywhere and always will. You should strive to only put in 60%-70% effort if you are not the owner of the company, anon. No company today deserves 100% and if you're giving 100% you're just fucking yourself out of your passions.
My family's been dealing with the Kung Flu, and now I've got symptoms of it too.
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I started too much shit at once and am having problems finishing it. Again
>>3064 Can you make a few lists of what's more important than the others, and what's not important, then deciding to do what ends up at the top of your list?
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>>3061 How are you feeling now?
>>3070 My symptoms are worse than yesterday. I was dizzy, feeling weak and achy, and had a sore threat. It's similar today, but more severe.
>>3069 I can, the problem is I didn't wrap it up properly and started doing barely-related things in such a way that both "sides" depend on each other. "Just one more thing", but it turns out that one thing is bigger than the first thing. It's like >buy Arduino >fuck, nothing to test it on >buy a car to test Arduino on it
>>3075 Like some sort of reverse yak shaving?
>>3079 Scope creep, except not creep but expansionist scope imperialism.
>reverse yak shaving >expansionist scope imperialism heh, those are interesting turns of phrase right there.
Youmu has been voted on first place again, goddamit
>>3083 Kind of strange that you'd post this in this particular thread... Almost sounds like you aren't a Youmu fan
>>3085 Nue needs a fumo. Marisa is fucking gay.
>>3087 >Marisa is fucking gay. She had more penises in her mouth than you had healthy meals in yours, projector.
>>3088 Your bait is weak. Go back to 4friends friendgot
>>3089 Follow your own advice, hypocrite
>>3085 It was a joke and but it was the wrong place to post it. Im sorry.
>>3094 I was joking too. I'm not a Youmu fan either.
>>3089 >muh disgusting 4chinz >wow staring at the same threads without any change for years is so fun!!! most altchans are completely barebones, 4chan is the only place you can go for proper discussion
I do not like taking care of the elderly.
i just quit my shitty retail job like 2 weeks ago didn't even give a 2 week over my soy manlet manager yelling at me over the walkie talkie then i yelled at him back over the walkie for everyone to hear. he generally treated me like trash like I don't know what the fuck im doing or something though i am trying my best. that and most of my coworkers treated me like trash for no reason. the day i decided to quit i was really pissed at my manager and this blond bitch of a coworker says "I'm sorry you're having a bad day" as i try to process this comment and come up with an appropriate response the security guard starts making fun of the fact that i'm visibly angry and the bitch says "yeah look hes pissed" or something i say "I'm thankful for you're concern" she responds with "oh thank god i never thought you'd respond to me" in a sarcastic tone. i don't know why people always feel they can just take a shit on me for no goddamn reason the whole staff was like this making comments about me one calling me stupid or making some sarcastic remark like hanging in the break room waiting for my shift to start and dude walks in say's "whats going on?" "just chilling" he says "ok?" like wtf. that and them looking annoyed to help me out when i asked questions. i was barely there 2 months and they never trained me properly and made a ton of mistakes and was reprimanded for it when i didn't know shit because nobody told me anything but as per usual i own up to my short comings when i really don't think i should have apologized at all when i owned up to my mistakes (some of which we're my fault) i was met with eyerolling. i said you know what fuck it i don't need people treating me like a dumbass and couple all of this with the fact that i am in general a self hating person who's struggling with depression due to my fathers death who passed of brain cancer last year, i feel like i let him down and i feel like a degenerate. i'm not a perfect person but i just wish people would have some empathy. i just don't know what to do anymore bros.
>>3099 Yeah, you shouldn't let your miserable coworkers drag you down man. I'd stay away from any massive retail company. They have destroying your soul down to a science man. Just know that there are other options out there, look into them, even if it requires you to move or some other obstacle. Gotta find what's best for you dude.
> i don't know why people always feel they can just take a shit on me for no goddamn reason Are you ugly?
>>3099 Don't take disrespect at work, Anon. If you don't stand up for yourself, it'll only compound. People are ruthless.
>>3099 Who needs that type of hassle? I get that most of us have got to hustle to put food on the table, but damn. I can't imagine having to work retail on such a scale that walkie talkies and security guards would have to be involved. Modern world pisses me off in that regard. I can't imagine an impersonal environment like that would be conducive to humans showing real humanity. Wish this was a world where mom and pop shops were the standard everywhere and not the exception. Small scale like that and people get to know one another and have empathy for what everyone else is going through. I'm thankful that I work in a situation where it's just me on my own, most of the time, working whatever job site. No office, no office politics. Sometimes alongside a couple others, but that's not so much an interpersonal hassle as a break from the usual. >i just don't know what to do anymore bros. I hope you can find a better gig that better suits you fren.
>>3099 >i just wish people would have some empathy >soy manlet manager Goes both ways. When attacking others, skip their looks, for one. Don't pick on flaws they didn't chose.
>>3106 Having empathy has nothing to do with calling the manager a soy manlet on an imageboard he will never see. It's pretty obvious from the story that the soy manlet was the aggressor so insulting him is fair game anyway.
>>3107 His appearance is still something he probably can't help.
>>3107 People with empathy don't turn shitty when no one's looking.
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today i went to the psychologist and told me i have depression and need some psychiatrist medication, just posted it on twitter and the person who love wants proof and stuff, end up calling me liar, edgy and i play the victim why does he hate me that much?
>>3112 >today i went to the psychologist and told me i have depression and need some psychiatrist medication It can be life saving, but it can also make things worse. Just be careful is all I'm saying, it is your choice in the end and I won't judge you for either choice. >and the person who love wants proof and stuff, end up calling me liar, edgy and i play the victim Who said that?
>>3112 I'd advise staying away from SSRIs.
>>3109 Why should anyone care about that if you're a manager abusing your position of power over others to berate them? Turnabout is fair play. If you want your appearance to be respected you better be just as respectful towards others. >>3110 Nobody has turned shitty but you with this bad faith characterization of my friend.
>>3112 >the psychologist and told me i have depression and need some psychiatrist medication Be careful. Those kinds of drugs can seriously hurt you. They can give you intense headaches, depersonalization, and hallucinations.
>>3104 yeah. the security was there for prevention of losses . Shady ass people steal from the store CONSTANTLY. i never once saw the security guard actually stop someone from stealing. that aside everyone there looked like they were pissed off all the time. my work ethic consists of trying to make sure i dont make my work someone elses and we are told to pass the buck if we dont know anything but in the end i cant remember what they told me so i have to keep asking. That and our computer systems for the registers are confusing as fuck and the whole business model seems dated and harrasing of the customer we are told to get the customers EMAIL ADRESS AND PHONE NUMBER and if we don't we get written up 3 write ups and your fired plus, im sure the fucker runs on windows vista i shit you not not windows 7, vista.... >>3106 I mean fair enough i try not to judge as much as possible but at work but i could tell he thought i was incompetent or lazy, which i am not i won employee of the month twice at my old job and a won a free flat screen roku tv for best attendance in the whole store of like 200 employees so i know im a good employee i try to learn as much as possible and i have a good attitude when interacting with the customers, which some of the other employees dont do so well, like this one girl who was raising her voice and having an attitude when she had to repeat herself and this happened all the time.
>>3115 This. i just stopped taking my adhd meds as i was way wayy more cranky and angry on them it really fucked with my attitude.
I miss smoking because now I literally have no way to make friends anymore. I would chill outside with other smokers, discuss the ripoff prices of cigs, ask for a light, fuck I didn't even realize it until now. It's weird to just sit next to someone at lunch or on a break but smokers are usually forced into some tiny space behind a building and have to get along. Plus normies disdain for smoking also unites us, so many of my nuanced social problems solved by god damn smokes I never even knew. Now I really do miss it.
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>>3112 Posts like this should make me feel good because it's not me, or feel bad out of empathic pity and/or solidarity. But they make me feel bad because no one cares about me that much other than my family.
>>3116 "But they're just as bad" certainly is being shitty. There are things non-shitty people don't attack, except 1v1 to point out hypocrisy. Attacking someone's looks, race, parents etc. is always shitty, the only valid use is "you're doing the same thing, so stop", which doesn't work here, unless the manager is posting with us. If we went your way, it would be OK to use hard-R N-word if it's to describe someone black who was an ass to you. In b4 someone displays a clear lack of empathy by questioning "don't use slurs" rule
>>3122 good on you for quitting, friend... but, yeah, there really is something to that forced camaraderie among smokers. when i was an underage, i used to have to hide my habit from my family. i would go out for a walk and chill at a park or train station bench. more often then not, i'd end up having some interesting random conversations because of that.
>>3124 >"But they're just as bad" Who are you quoting? It's not bad at all. You're just making a goofy false equivalence between an authority figure abusing their position over their employees and an insult basically made in private as far as the manlet is concerned. One is done to harm my friend and the other is just venting that doesn't harm the manlet manager. You're basically a dogmatic religious zealot condemning friends for private blasphemies against a manlet manager that can't perceive them. >If we went your way, it would be OK to use hard-R N-word NOOOOOO NOT THE HECKIN NIGGERINO NOT THE BASKETBALL NIGGER BOY PLEASE NOOOOO YOU CANT DO THAT >questioning "don't use slurs" rule NOOOOOO YOU CANT QUESTION MY DOGMATIC RELIGIOUS PRESUPPOSITIONAL NIGGER WORSHIP NOOOOOOOOOOOOO LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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>>3128 Don't be a hero, buddy! sorry... i've got no place in this back and forth, but when i saw your reaction image i couldn't help myself ;-)
>>3130 Juice buddy! This is now a surfer thread.
Why do un/kind/ channers keep coming here and bringing everything they are "escaping" from?
>>3132 Maybe you don't understand the subtle nuances of our culture because you're new. You were always allowed to say nigger on 8/kind/ and people did. You just couldn't call your friends on the board niggers. /kind/ was never about being rigid, having a stick up your ass about particular words or thinking you're morally superior to the average "channers". It's not a cult or religious movement about who is most kind or not. Just take it easy and shoot the shit with your fellow friends buddy.
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>>3133 You beat me to the punch there, buddy... Here's what I was writing while you were posting... >>3132 To be honest, I've found that the posts on these past few incarnations of /kind/ are a bit more tame then I remember 8/kind/ being, but that's just going off of memory and it's been a while. I'm not complaining mind you. This is a comfy board and I still come here for the same reason I used to visit the old /kind/. Good conversation, helpful anons stressing the positive, and a break from the usual shit flinging that is the default culture on many other boards. Do you remember /kind/'s origins as being different then I do? Also, this is the rant/vent thread, so friends might blow off some steam here from time to time without screwing with the entire board's culture and sperging out all over the place.
i remember 2016 /kind/ not being politically correct but still fun. tbh i like tame kind and when things get rowdy too. i just like /kind/. lets all be friends!
>>78 I want to say i dont hate anyone really even if i disagree with them. im just scared of getting to know people because then they will find out how i really feel about shit.
>>3150 iktf If someone could "read my mind", they'd most likely be offended pretty hard by all the content, even though a lot of it is actually just jokes, disappointed in how I don't feel much gratitude for anything, shocked by my morality and so on. Even if I don't mention those things outright, it probably shows. I'm actually a good person, but in a way that normies would not understand without 2+ semesters of philosophy courses.
My legs are deteriorating. Can't afford to see a doctor. I fear that I will be confined to the chair some day soon.
>>3154 same but with my right elbow, I broke my right arm years ago now it doesn't feel the same
>>3150 That's awful. Is there anything that can be done?
>>3152 I guess my whole point is i just want to open up but i feel those societal blocks in place and it really frustrates me. i feel like "freinds" don't really know me and im scared of losing them but how much are they my friend really if they dont accept me and by acceptance i just mean that they're ok with me having a different opinion they dont have to agree with me and they dont talk shit about me behind my back. this is currently the issue i have with a friend of mine who is a girl she started dating this soundcloud rapper guy and i haven't talked to her ever since though she tries to hit me up from time to time i just feel as though there is something off with our relationship she says that "im her best friend" and i have to wonder the validity of that claim.
>>3168 >I guess my whole point is i just want to open up but i feel those societal blocks in place and it really frustrates me. Societal blocks in your head or in theirs? If it's just you, it's easy fix - "just do it". May require some forcing, but all good things do. If theirs, then yeah, it's a problem. >im scared of losing them but how much are they my friend really if they dont accept me I see three options: >they're real friends and so will accept your weirdness >they aren't actually friends, they just keep you around because they can't get any """better""", but would drop you if you stopped being convenient >they are shitty maybe-friends who treat the relationship like a transaction/contract, but will do their part Do you need them? If not, it's probably better to check than to keep guessing and stressing. I dealt with this problem for most of my life. People don't know me. Even after hours on 1v1 talks, they make clear mistakes in predicting what I think and how I will act. Even so, opening up and letting people be wrong about me didn't make me enemies. Rather, it seems that people trust me more, because I hide less. With the silent types, you don't know what they're thinking, so things become suspicious easily. It's good to look like you can't lie. Like you will say "I'd rather not say" instead of giving a safe non-answer or changing the topic. Don't assume too much. People differ a whole lot. I keep making the mistake of using "my empathy" to predict normies, as if they had my mind except where proven otherwise. I went out of my way to avoid causing inconveniences that would frustrate me, but which they completely ignored. I acted like "that suspicious loner weirdo" because I didn't want to be a bother. I profusely apologized for non-offenses. Then I actually offended people by doing something completely natural to me, like expressing edgy beliefs in a specific tone. Ask more, assume less. Good, smart people will appreciate it and give you the benefit of ignorance over suspicion of dishonesty. Shit people will reject you, but it's actually a good thing, because you shouldn't associate with people who will push "the real you" away and are only there for your "social persona".
It keeps suprsing how people can create these walls of text while im completely dead inside and never want or can talk about anything at all.
>>3181 Do you have nothing to lose?
>>3150 I wish I could meet someone who would really speak their mind and even if they're pessimistic, I would be able to hold a conversation with them and respect them - since I know they're speaking from the heart and with honesty. I always have to restrain myself when with friends or family and I pray for the day I can open up about everything with a trusted confidant. Too bad I don't have one. Maybe you could be that person as long as you don't mind listening to a cynic most of the time.
>>3184 >Maybe you could be that person as long as you don't mind listening to a cynic most of the time I dont mind that at all. i really dont care for the most part what opinions people have i just pick and choose what i like and dont like and just realize hey we're all different.
>>3181 If your life is boring and monotonous, you won't have anything to talk about. But if you keep doing new things and thinking about them you only have to pick one of those things and then you have a post.
>>3181 I feel this too. I don't know if it it because I am dumb or what, but I never have anything to input to any conversations. I mostly treat imageboards as something to read but not interact with.
>>3184 I know that feel. People like that are too rare in this world. Cynicism is a subtle art too. I can be very cynical about big picture abstractions, but I'm still able to step outside and look at things that are more immediate and tangible with great optimism. So many that I've met don't seem to be able to get outraged about what shoud outrage them and at the same time they don't bother to appreciate the little things in life.
>>3197 >So many that I've met don't seem to be able to get outraged about what shoud outrage them They're used to others suffering. As long as it doesn't affect them directly, threaten privileged status of their religion, or invoke some social meme like "don't hurt dogs, they're man's best friend", they don't think about it at all. Normalcy is king. If it keeps happening for long enough, only the outcasts and weirdos will keep questioning it. And outcasts and weirdos don't have social power.
>>3123 Look at this friend. He has a family that cares about him. Fag
>No auto filter Sorry bo Love you
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Does anyone actually enjoy "icebreaker" activities? They make me really nervous, I won't pay attention to what anyone has to say before it is my turn as I will be busy practising in my head what I will say, and afterwards I won't pay attention because I will be exhausted from the forced socialization.
>>3231 I don't think they are there to be enjoyed, but more like share something so that you're now a part of a group. I used to be anxious about shit like this, but then I stopped giving a fuck because those people will disappear from my life relatively soon.
>>3231 I run away and hide and I make it obvious that I'm running away. I'd rather have someone think about me "well anon ran away from this socialization, weird" than "wow this anon is pathetic they should probably stop existing lmao".
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It's been August since my grandma passed away and my mom only told me last night. My grandma was one of the only people in my life that always supported me in everything I do and loved me unconditionally, so I feel even more alone in the world now without her. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on. I wanted her, more than anyone, to see me finally graduate college and accomplish something with my life.
>>3250 I had a good grandma also, she would always say when I was older I could help her paint and fix things. But I never got the chance. Not sure why, but I was looking forward to things like that. Nowadays I'm terrified of when my parents die because then I will be truly alone.
>>3246 >I'd rather have someone think about me "well anon ran away from this socialization, weird" than "wow this anon is pathetic they should probably stop existing lmao". You might be expecting too much from the normies. From normie perspective, it may be some of: >too good for us, huh? arrogant >pathetic loser with no friends >doesn't like us for some reason If it works for you, saves time, it's fine, but don't use too much "human empathy" on normies. They are herd animals that feel more than think and assume more than verify. "Us vs them" is a big theme in their mindset. Being one of "us" is worth a lot to them.
>>3250 my grandpa passed 5 years ago, thanks for reminding me. I miss him , even though he couldn't speak English well. My grandma is still here but she never really cared about me as much as my grandpa. He was the reason why they came down in winter.
>grandpa goes demented >can't recognize his own children >can only talk about things that happened 60 years ago
>>3261 I'm sorry about your grandpa. My grandmother didn't speak English well either, but she would pronounce some thing funny like calling "Head & Shoulders" shampoo by "Head & Shoulder", and Donald Trump as "Donald Trun" (Trun in our native language means "Thorn". haha) My grandparents and my uncle were who we always stayed with, when visiting my native country almost every summer. It's still really hard to imagine someone being gone out of all of them now, or that she's gone at all.
I hate how there are things that don't have place in conversation, even in the most obscure corners of the internet. A particular kind of insanity grabs you when you must remain silent of a situation that constantly lingers in your mind. At that point all therapy must be self-therapy. I try to do this by writing in a diary, and reflecting over it as I read it when I'm in different moods. Eventually I may get out of my situation.
>>3274 You mean like when you learn about some incident, person, or fact and feel the need to talk about it?
>>3274 If you could write it into a diary then surely you could type it into a thread? I don't mean to pry, but what is it that you feel you must remain silent about?
>>3279 >>3277 Sorry to rouse your curiosity. It's not a conspiracy or anything like that. I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, even anonymously.
>>1447 Not speaking your language == less evolved? what?
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Fighto!!! you can do it
I'm sad and tired. Also I feel like I'm slowly losing my grip on reality.
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Having to interact with under-specified, uncommented systems frustrates me. Especially if they fail silently. Things without comments or clear documentation should never fail silently.
I have an insane amount of stress right now yet I still maange to procrastinate immensly. After making this post I hope to start studying properly for a test I have on tuesday and then working on the half dozen or so projects I'm behind on as well. Super under the weather, I went outside in very light clothes on a bike, then got rained on which already exacerbated my bad cough. After typing this post up, it has honestly destressed me quite a bit since I've been able to rationalize what work I have to do by when and whatnot. I'll probably practice some more mindfullness later tonight or in the coming days. Love you anons <3
>>3308 good luck anon, sure your studying and projects will be done nicely and on time. vibe with good feels into the work!
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>have to do a group task for college >ask some stuff to the group >they always send audios WHY CAN'T ANYBODY WRITE IS IT SO DIFFICULT?!?
>>3317 Are you Brazilian? I know most hues hate writing because most of them are functionally illiterate.
Almost Argentinian
So ive been without a job for a couple of months (i quit i had my manager yelling at me and my coworkers were pushing me around and i had enough) i haven't really been looking i have no aspiration's ive only worked wagie jobs, ive never been good at anything and im a degenerate who cant get himself to even partake in things he likes. i just dont know anymore i feel like giving up.
I dont have a gf when every other guy around me has had atleast one
>>3337 I never had a gf when most of my coworkers have children.
>>3334 Honestly, I can't force myself to search for work. The idea of having an 8/5 office job disgusts me, the only possible option I can think of is remote part-time job or freelance, but I don't have neither drive nor confidence. >>3337 >>3338 I have no idea where you can even meet one. I've barely made any new aquaintances during the last 2 or 3 years, not even new interned frens aside from you. And all the women I knew through most of my life were already in relationships, and even those I considered to be my friens drifted away over time.
>>3339 Same The idea of actually getting along with someone is fantasy tier irrational for me. Like getting famous or becoming a millionaire. Things that don't happen to all but the most lucky and ruthless.
>>3339 I've been having this sjw coworker of mine still trying to hit me up even though she has a bf. i just kinda blow her off, she says she "misses me" but im like idk man. i truly think she dosen't like me but she never voices it, she just has me around for drama's sake. maybe im being too paranoid. I did tell her i was a trump supporter and she said she didn't care but i feel like when i hang out with her crowd i don't belong. like i cant fully voice my opinions n shit. couple that with the fact that she stopped being friends with this girl who was Quote "her best friend forever" because her "friend" Quote "outed a trans man" which i consider hilarious because my friend did the same shit to me she told me he was in fact a she. i mean like isn't that outing someone? super hypocritical but i have to wonder if she truly values me as a friend. that and she likes drama and i have to wonder why do i hang out with this person?
It feels like something has gone horribly wrong in my life, but this feeling only ever comes in flashes of realisation that are so sparse and so brief that I can't even begin to wrap my head around what I'm experiencing, let alone come up with a plan to fix it. It's something deeper than the generic disappointment of being a failure, because I already feel bad about that.
So ive been thinking alot about this i realize now at age 29 that im bisexual and i know this might not be the place for saying this but i would say that i want to be bi because im so fucking lonely ill take anyone at this point. im not just going to fuck random people though thats just not my style. i just want love idc anymore.
>>3355 I consider myself bisexual but am mainly into androgynous guys with smooth bodies. I am admittedly attracted to a specific physical type of masculine guy, but my preference is pretty embarrassing and impractical.
>>3356 Go on.....
>>3357 Let's just say what I like would make your average /pol/ poster get upset and Louis C.K. excited.
>>3356 /pol/ doesn't like anything. I lurk pol just to see whats up. these are some of the most irrational people on the internet next to reddit. still don't hate them tho. i don't hate anyone really.
>>3359 I can actually kind of understand how they'd react in this case. Ironically, my preferences were shaped by going there years ago.
>get too stressed about work >procrastinate it even more >now I have twice as much work as before I've also been sick for the entire month of october, I got sick on the first and have had a terrible cough throughout. Want to die so much right now
>be me yesterday >go to Halloween party >get drunk af for courage >finally sit down at one of the tables and try to flirt with a girl >it actually works ??? >she actually reciprocates ?????? >at some point we play truth or dare >I answer a relationship question with "I wouldn't know, never been in one" >get bullied for being a virgin for the rest of the evening, the girl shows zero interest anymore I want to die
>>3361 In my experience, at least half the work you percieve as necessary can be freely abandoned without any consequences. >>3367 Halloween parties are real? I thought it was a fairytale, like nightclubs and valentine's day.
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>>3367 >get bullied for being a virgin for the rest of the evening, the girl shows zero interest anymore Aww :( Meanies... You'd think they'd value honesty. I have zero qualms with virgins or KHHV. If she just wanted quick fun sex though, she's looking for someone experienced to get her off so you should lie and get experience.
>>3371 >You'd think they'd value honesty. It works differently among normals. Honesty only matters when someone else is lying. It's not a principle, it's just a thing to call others on out.
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>>3371 >If she just wanted quick fun sex though, she's looking for someone experienced to get her off That's an explanation I haven't considered, you're probably right. I'm not bummed about getting zero interest from her anymore, thank you fren. >You'd think they'd value honesty >you should lie and get experience I'll keep looking for a qt that also values truthfulness then, I've learned from my friends mistakes: lies are the relationship killer. I'll take KHHV live over a shitty relationship all day long.
>>3375 I managed to mix up bold and spoiler markdown, as well as confuse live with life. The English language and its spelling have been a disaster for human communication.
>>3375 When i lost my virginity i fucking cried (I'm a guy) mainly because i knew she didn't love me and never wanted to see me again. i felt used. i wanted to be her boyfriend but she wanted nothing to do with me other than use my dick. I know it hurts anon it fucking hurts but its ok to be a virgin. if you lose it to the wrong person it can hurt you and mess with your mind. its ok to be a virgin don't let dumb ho's get you down its better to lose it to someone who AT LEAST CARES and takes care of you during the act. we as guys are just "supposed" to know how to get a girl off and its complete bullshit. people have this notion of women being vulnerable during sex, which is true to some extent it is a penetrative act and it can cause pain for the woman, for men we are just as vulnerable during sex but not physically its a societal vulnerability, from what she said happened but mostly about what she says about you to her friends, because women cant physically overpower they use reputation destruction instead. So don't believe your less of a man' that's just old outdated gender norms. its ok to be vulnerable. as men we should build each-other up instead of tearing each-other apart for the attention of a woman. anon i love you and its going to be ok.
This board has just become a place for failed normalfriends to cry on. You pieces of shit ruin everything you touch.
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>>3378 I think you're overreacting a bit. There are some posts that are a fair bit too n* (not saying the whole n-word), but it's not all like that. >>3379 Animated gifs to express supposed scorn, but actually anger, don't really help here.
>>3378 It's a venting thread, can just hide it. I'm as surprised as you are that people go outside and talk to others.
>>3378 I think you're being too hotheaded and calling everything you don't like normalfäg is not helping.
I hate feeling so judgemental. Being judgemental, being judged for little shit. Things that don't bother anyone with confidence, but for me it's like I feel scrutinized for little fucking things. Both my parents are the reason I'm so fucking on-edge on things like this, but I can't just up-and-leave them. They're not even narcissistic, they're just good people with really shitty flaws that they have given me and I want to get rid of. What infuriates me the most, is that I feel like they don't even fucking notice the damage they've done to my psyche. Yet, I feel horrible about blaming them because they're just part of the "shit rolls downstream" problem of emotional trauma that seems to affect every family that didn't already fix their traumas. I'm tired of my own judgemental thoughts. It's strangling my art and expression. I just want to draw cool, cute and beautiful things. But I'm so afraid of being either badgered by cunts or worse, one-upped by friendgots who want the power-high of acting like they're better than me. I'm tired of feeling like I'm obligated to give a shit about something I have zero real need to give a shit about.
>>3410 I do think being judgemental can be inherited from your parents. I'm the same way. I'm always picking people apart in my head over stupid, inconsequential things. My dad told me once that he's way too critical of people (and might have said something to the effect that it prevents him from getting close to most people), and I never even told him that I have the same problem. Whether it's hereditary or environmental I can't tell, but I never knew that he was that way too. Most people seem to have personality flaws that they're either not aware of or don't know how to fix.
I'm trying to move out of my parents place but I don't make enough to live on my own so I've been looking for a roommate and it's not promising. I don't expect to find my best friend for life pro otaku super cool guy but I'd at least like to find someone I can have a passive friendly relationship with. Every posting though sounds like it's from a hardcore normalfriend that I'll have zero in common with and end up disliking.
>>3416 Yeesh. Good luck with that one dude. I want to do the same, and hopefully will once I get a job. I have some buddies interested, but one is more of a bum than I am and the other two would get annoying pretty quick.
>>3416 I've been wanting to get out on my own for years now, but now I don't think it's wise with the economic and political situation going on right now.
My fucking mother keeps putting salt on the salad and makes it unedible for me. Which leads to me being constipated because I don't eat any veggies in the first place. God I hate her, she keeps banging on about being healthy but then makes shit like this
>>3421 It's weird having to share food like that. If I tried to tell certain family members that they could add salt when the food was on their plate instead of before they served it, they would get upset and it can be a no win situation. People are strange that way sometimes. Also, Americans salt their food way too much and I don't understand that they don't understand that. Anyway, end of rant.
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I tried to do things "the right way" and it ended up costing a lot of my time and not being better than "the wrong way". I keep trying to unlearn following "the right way", but then fall back to it and waste time again.
You know, when people asked me why didn't I took the jab. I replied back to them, "Because I'm not a drug addict." :-)
>>3422 >Americans with salt. American here. I'm surprised you're complaining about salt and not sugar, because really, there is way too much sugar in shit that doesn't fucking need it in premade American foods. To answer your question, I'd say it's a multi-factor problem that can't be explained too adequately, however, I can point towards the "wal-mart-people" who go full-cunt mode because their hambeast-faces can't taste the sugar they're shoving into their mouths, so they bitch. That in tune causes management to push for "more" in everything. >>3444 I fucking hate this too. That problem is people being angry. When people are angry, they get more-and-more convinced that what is "their way" is "the right way" no matter how insane or wrong they actually are. >>3472 I feel so weird about the jab, the method for it is 20 years old, but there's so much disinfo. I had to take it because I was pressured by family to do so. We have cancer-patient friends with compromised immune systems. We even had a close family member who died because of the coof... apparently. The circumstances behind their death are just so fucking weird, and though they were in the cancer-patient-vulnerability, nobody else in that family caught the coof. Really, the coof is by all accounts, a disease that kills the weak, and I wonder if all the fuss about it is because the people in charge just happened to be part of that vulnerable population. I don't fucking know. I can't trust what the news says because both sides have bagholders that are vested in causing a rift in my country. I can't trust mainstream internet sources because they're involved with people that are part of the problem or are paid to be assholes and cause chaos. I remember when trolls did it for the lulz and nothing else, now that trolling and hacking is being monetized and used by cunts trying to push a political agenda, the trolls being paid are either too fucking dumb to realize that they're part of the problem, they're depressed and don't know a better way out, or they like what they're doing and don't fucking care that they're part of the problem.
>>3477 >American here. I'm surprised you're complaining about salt and not sugar, because really, there is way too much sugar in shit that doesn't fucking need it in premade American foods. To answer your question, I'd say it's a multi-factor problem that can't be explained too adequately, however, I can point towards the "wal-mart-people" who go full-cunt mode because their hambeast-faces can't taste the sugar they're shoving into their mouths, so they bitch. It's really hard to get away from all that crap, especially if you're just looking for something fast and convenient. I've eaten unhealthy food just out of habit for most of my life, and now that I'm trying to start eating better it's difficult to find things I like. Even things that are promoted as being healthy often aren't, like sugar-filled fruit juice. Cutting out sugary drinks was easy, but with my meals I'm still drinking things with fake sugar that probably still aren't good for you. On one hand, I don't understand the people who let themselves balloon into corpulent buttertrolls without a hint of shame. But on the other, I think if this many people are getting as fat as they are then there's a problem with our system itself. Whether or not "fat shaming" actually works, there should be more of an emphasis on staying in shape, eating healthy meals, and teaching people how to cook than hogging out on processed food constantly. If it came down to it, I'd rather pay more for food of a higher quality than pay less for things that are going to cause health problems in the long term. The conspiracy theorist part of me thinks part of it is due to the medical-industrial complex wanting to create more problems they can make money from, but I'm sure there's much more to it than that. People get addicted to sugar and have problems quitting it and finding alternatives they like. >I feel so weird about the jab, the method for it is 20 years old, but there's so much disinfo. I had to take it because I was pressured by family to do so. We have cancer-patient friends with compromised immune systems. We even had a close family member who died because of the coof... apparently. The circumstances behind their death are just so fucking weird, and though they were in the cancer-patient-vulnerability, nobody else in that family caught the coof. Really, the coof is by all accounts, a disease that kills the weak, and I wonder if all the fuss about it is because the people in charge just happened to be part of that vulnerable population. I knew someone who had it and died with a number of pre-existing conditions.When he was in the hospital, the scumbag doctor was trying to push the clot shot on him after he'd already contracted COVID-19 and so by anyone's standards wouldn't have helped him. He even told him he'd die if he didn't take it, as if it would have helped him one bit. The "care" he received in the hospital was also abysmal. I have zero respect for the medical personnel who push this nonsense, and even before I didn't have much respect considering how little doctors actually seem to value the well-being of their patients above profit.
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>>3477 >I'm surprised you're complaining about salt and not sugar True. I'd rant about the sugar too, but first I'd have to rant about the high fructose corn syrup and then, after getting distracted with the artificial sweeteners, I'd probably hit the character limit before even getting around to address the refined sugars. Might be a little bit of a hypocrite too, with the way I've been taking my coffee lately.
>>3479 >still drinking things with fake sugar that probably still aren't good for you It's not the fake sugar that makes it unhealthy. Acidic drinks can damage teeth and drinks with phosphoric acid are rather strongly associated with kidney stones. Sweeteners themselves are more spooky than dangerous. The fear is fueled by "it's unnatural!" and "you just can't know!". Normies fear what they can't understand, while ignoring well-known dangers of things they are familiar with. Like the warm-blooded animal fats, proven beyond all reasonable doubt to increase the probability of heart disease, by themselves, independently of other dietary choices and lifestyle. Or inhaling smoke. From a burning poisonous plant or just from a fireplace. Burnt food is another huge one that gets ignored often. "Normalcy" is greatly overrated, treated as safety, when it's just "not immediately deadly". It's like preferring the company of a well-known pickpocket over a random stranger, because "what if the stranger is a murderer?".
>>3421 >salt on the salad salad comes from the latin word herba salata (salted greens) salting veggies is very common in the Mediterranean culture and taste better then using dressing and pinching salt unironically has lower sodium than found in dressings
>>3499 I don't understand what the hell does "I don't eat veggies" supposed to mean. Those people only consume pure meat or something?
>>3504 I hardly eat vegetables unless they;re mixed in with other ingredients, like soup or stew. A lot of people like me grew up on unhealthy food and have never pushed themselves to eat better. I find it easier just to cut things out of my diet than to try new food. I still don't touch uncooked vegetables, but at least I'm more adventurous than I was as a kid.
>>3510 Have you tried blanching the veggies to get rid of the bitterness before cooking? Also try adding herbs and seasonings when cooking, Americans underseason thier food especially when it comes to veggies
>>3510 > unless they;re mixed in with other ingredients That's how you're supposed to eat them. There are barely a handful vegetables that can be eaten raw, like cucumbers or carrots.
>>3513 >There are barely a handful vegetables that can be eaten raw Most can be eaten raw, just aren't because they are hard, taste better cooked or people are just not used to it. >pumpkin >cabbage >zucchini >celery >celeriac >parsnip >onion >lettuce >peppers >cauliflower >broccoli All edible raw. About half of them actually taste fine when raw. Only a few, like beans and (sweet) potatoes are harmful raw.
>>3510 What do you put in sandwiches? No peppers, cucumbers, leek, red onion, radish, lettuce, tomato (honorary vegetable)? You are missing out!
>>3515 recently I been brine pickling my own red onion, carrots, bell peppers salad mix with just salt and mustard seed, whole black pepper and basil 10/10. Best way to get your veggies hands down
>>3511 >>3513 It's really the crunchy texture I don't like. I feel the same way about the fleshy feeling that fruit tends to have. I liked peaches and pears as a kid, but that was all I was willing to eat. These days I make fruit smoothies, although I add other ingredients too. I have to mix vegetables them in with meat (and grain-based food like rice or bread) to eat them most of the time. >>3515 I've gotten in the habit of adding lettuce to burgers, hot dogs, and regular sandwiches. They're the only vegetable I can stomach in something like that. I don't like pickles or onions even on burgers, although for whatever reason I've always been able to make an exception for the tiny onions on McDonald's burgers.
I hate 4chan. It is a normalfriend infested shithole. I've still been using it, but only now has it become clear to me how compromised it is. I made a garbage meme and it ended up on fucking youtube. If I make anything in the future, I'll just post it somewhere else, so it stays with the people I wanted to share with. Still, it could be seen as a barrier between small sites and boards like this and the outside internet. Normalfriends get to act edgy and say whatever they want without issue, and so they don't have to go any further. Either way, I'm rather irritated.
>>3536 Agreed. I haven't posted there in years. I don't even understand what the appeal of it over the smaller sites, many of give users the power to create and manage their own boards. As much as 4friends like to hate sites like reddit, 4chan actually has even less functionality and freedom in that regard.
>>3538 It's alright for shitposting. You're practically guaranteed (you)s. There's a few threads where you can find some decent information if you know what you're looking for and where you might find it, though nothing you couldn't get elsewhere. Not very good for any quality laughs or content, but you can still have a little fun. I guess I should say that I don't use very many small sites and haven't explored much of the webring and other sites either. Maybe there's someplace that could scratch that itch without doing any harm and also providing replies.
>>3536 I think a small minority of threads in some boards are pretty good, but I find most of the pleasant posters in those communities on smaller obscure boards as well.
I can't find a good imageboard other than maybe here and doushio, everywhere else seems to be too edgy or too angry. Got banned from an IB yesterday after lurking for months, only to discover I'm not welcomed there either (yes, I followed the rules, the mods there are just... insane), I just wanted people to talk to. I'm tired of being reprimanded for just expressing myself, this feels like my high school years, when did the ENTIRE internet became like this? I give up, I just want to be alone now.
>>3562 I like channel4. It's somewhat slow but at least it's diverse with the type of people that post. That and it's a textboard so you know people won't just spam gross photos in the name of free speech.
>>3536 I only go there for porn.
>>3562 Ikr. I love this imageboard for the reason that it's positive and just about socializing..... and seems like a more gentle environment.
I made a mistake: I trusted a woman to understand me just a tiny bit. Instead she formed completely wrong, depreciating opinions about me, then twisted what I said to fit her wrong opinions. I should have lied, then she'd be less wrong. I'm not joking about the less wrong part. It was a semi-professional environment so I should have known better, but she kept going on about trust, values and even fucking kindness. I didn't expect her to be this hypocritical. I didn't expect real understanding, just the ability to be slightly open instead of dishonestly executing normie routine smalltalk("all_is_well_thanks_for_asking"); // TODO: Fix At least I learned an important lesson first hand. I heard it before, but now I feel it, so it's more likely to stick. It'll prevent me from thinking of others as equals just because they keep saying things a good person would say.
>>3615 I'm sorry, anon. Hypocrites are really the worst. I hope things get better for you. Unfortunately there's a lot of manipulative people out there... They act all nice but they're not.
>>78 /fringe/ or /x/-related rant incoming. I feel like I'm being mentally or spiritually manipulated into losing shit I get emotionally attached into, and I feel like I'm insane for thinking this. It's just been a recurring thing throughout my life, and I want this shit to just fucking stop. It usually ends up with the two scenarios: Scenario one: >Thing I have I love, I take with my everywhere. >Something compels me to not care about it over a week as I leave in the car or somewhere else. >it fucking disappears from my life for no fucking reason. >If I'm lucky I find it eventually within a week of freaking out >if not, it's just fucking gone, like "doesn't matter how hard you look it just disappeared,". I've lost too many gameboy-family games like this, GBA, DS even. The worst was when I lost a bag full of 3DS games and with it, a dingoo, that was a cheap chinese emulator, but I loved it. Then as I was trying to recover my collection, I ended up buying a game THAT HAD A SAVE FILE THAT PROVED IT WAS EXACTLY MINE! But it was a year after the fact someone had stolen my games. So filing a police report was essentially silly and useless. Shit, it doesn't even just happen to my vidya. I lost two hand-knitted hats I spent A FULL FUCKING WEEK EACH knitting to wear and use. Then I end up leaving it in the car, only for it to fucking RANDOMLY DISAPPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE! Scenario two: >Thing I love or always use, I take with me everywhere. >Something really fucking inexplicable makes me have the perfect-horrible slip-up and it either breaks (or in the case of vidya shit) it just deletes it. What weirds me out with the second scenario is how it happened in minecraft to me: >trying to set up a glass-enclosed railway system in the nether. >got my track and building blocks as I build a bridge through lava. >I swear I'm not making this part up: something fogs my brain up, causing me to push the direction keys and walk into the lava. >Try to climb up, and it just won't fucking cooperate >die and lose sixteen stacks of rails, an ender chest, and a silk touch / unbreaking 3 / efficiency 3 diamond pick. And then LITERALLY JUST NOW: >mining for quartz and ancient debris >pop open a lava reservoir, oh fuck. >get scorched but seal it. >something in my brain wants me to just keep pushing forward to get that perfectly straight tunnel. >wait to heal and eat. >continue digging through >this time the lava pours down and burns me. >seal the tunnel >THE LEFTOVER LAVA DOESN'T FUCKING DISSIPATE AT ALL! >die >realize that OH FUCK I HAD MY ELYTRA ON! >everything is gone >stare at the gamever screen for two minutes as THE FUCKING LEFTOVER LAVA JUST SITS THERE! >I spent hours just trying to get to the end, and then WAY TOO MUCH FUCKING EFFORT just trying to get the elytra in the first place. >and now it feels like I wasted all that effort and now I gotta go back to the end to get a new one. >I mean SMT Nocturne and Dark Souls, you expect and know how that kind of train rides, but no. Not in fucking minecraft of all things. I don't know if this is some kind of lesson that I'm just not fucking getting. Or if some fucking paranormal parasite trying to fuck me for my emotional loosh. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I'm not even schizophrenic, and I can't believe I feel like this and that it actually would be a rational explanation for this shit. I'm tired of being salty over losing shit. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm wasting time for working my way up for something only for it to be stolen from me, or worse that there are entities that ENCOURAGE this bullshit.
>>3633 last thing to add about my rant. >Schizofriends that whine about "they're under attack by paranormal entities, or muh gubermint" No. No. It's not fucking that. It's fucking insect-sized shitheads who do this- most of them aren't much bigger than a moth, but they want you to think they're fucking illuminati or that you have corona virus shit, or fucking literal CIA because they want you afraid and leaking loosh. Evil isn't some organized happy little family of fuckheads, they're a bunch of assholes that only work together because it's convenient. They'll backstab each other if it means they get more power out of it. And they're a LOT weaker than you think they are.
I've been seeing some glimmer of potential hope lately and goddamn does it hurt to have hope, I don't know why.
>>3641 Aw.. stay hopeful, but stay true to yourself as well.
>>3633 It could be that your subconscious beliefs are causing you to manifest them in reality.
I just drew porn of a character I like and posted it somewhere. It's a very complicated feeling. On one hand, I feel very accomplished, having successfully done something. I am not really a drawfriend and don't have a solid grasp of the fundamentals, but I translated the picture in my mind onto the canvas almost perfectly. And as a bonus a least one Anon said what I drew was very hot. Even if they were just being ironic, it's still a wonderous feeling. The feeling that "I did something". But then again, I really just did draw porn. Is that all I amount to? If the character I drew was real, would she find me gross? Probably not considering the character in question, but it still weighs on my mind. I feel like an idiot and a clown. Something less than human. More like an animal that functions according to his whims. Instead of drawing porn, I could've drew a character for a video game and finally live out my dream of making a video game. If someone thought my poorly-drawn porn was hot, surely I could use the same skills to create other emotional reactions out of people. Anyways my primary skill is coding, not art. So basically I'm angry I drew porn instead of making an RPG game with the same time. I don't want to die of old age before I make an RPG. I also fear that if I do make an RPG no one will play it, while everyone in that thread could do very little to ignore my drawing. I want to believe that hard work will be rewarded, not the other way around.
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>>3633 >>3634 /fringe/ or /x/-related response incoming. i entertain schizo tier theories myself, so i can relate. are you familiar with the myth of sisyphus, friend? also, a buddhist interpretation of these events might suggest that you are being given an opportunity here. an opportunity to develop non attachment. >they want you to think they're fucking illuminati >Evil isn't some organized happy little family of fuckheads this. i get where you're coming from with that. if you want to run with that world view, i'd suggest the best way to dodge those nasties is to have a laugh at them. easier said then done, but some of the most competent /x/ and /fringe/ tier teachers will often reiterate that laughter can be the most powerful banishing ritual. maybe just laugh at the absurdity of that chain of events, as you see what you might be able to learn from them, and the loosh bandits will move on. the petty evils of this world being the equivalent of internet trolls. if you give them milk, then they will pursue you as the cow. don't feed into them and they won't feed into you. having said all that, it's also a good idea to keep your car doors locked at all times ;-) here's hoping you have an easier go of it from here on out.
>>3633 >and with it, a dingoo, that was a cheap chinese emulator, but I loved it I had the a320 a decade ago, we used to hook it up to the tv at school to listen to music while playing retro games, loved that little thing, unfortunately died in a water accident. I also have things that just randomly disappear that I cannot explain how. I still cant find them to this date, it's as if it ceased to exist, yet I never took it out of the house and I never have guests over. It's just gone. Must be some prankster elves from another world...
>Must be some prankster elves from another world... and they just keep getting away with it!
>>3633 If you keep losing things on your own, you may want to check if you don't have ADHD. It's something you can have all life and not know because you don't fit the stereotype normies have about it. Of course it won't help with someone actually stealing your shit. Except for remembering to secure it so that it's not stolen as easily.
>>3634 >And they're a LOT weaker than you think they are. The thing is, they're often still powerful, simply because many of them are rich. Almost every time you see a large company fall to some internal bullshit, it was someone gutting it for money. And that someone tends to get away with a slap on the wrist, because the rich rarely get punished for anything. Spending all life manipulating people and not having a shred of morality turns parasites into effective parasites.
miss hitler
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>>3665 lol'd
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>>3669 dont lol am serious
>>3665 :^)
i hate college rn... gave me the longest assignment on a week where I was supposed to have off time with family. but no they didn't give me that when i was not on break.
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All my efforts crashed spectacularly. It's still too early to consider suicide but the thought is definitely closer than it was before. Why can't I get myself to just give up properly already like a sane person? It would make it easier.
>>3707 Hey, Anon. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, but just know that whatever you're going through right now is merely a season of life... It won't be forever. Just consider... is a temporary circumstance worth making a decision as permanent as suicide? You're still alive which means there is still lots of room for hope in the future. I'm not trying to diminish how you're feeling in anyway, I believe you. As I myself have been there. But just know whatever you're dealing with is not going to last forever, and it's not worth taking your life. You were made with a purpose and you matter. Sending lots of love and I hope you feel better. I also highly encourage you to seek professional help and find someone who you can trust enough to talk about these things. Talking about how you feel is important because when you don't your negative thoughts only build up.
>>3708 I promise I am not killing myself in the near future. I'm just in a slump right now because I just lost a certain pollyannaism I used to have. Maybe that is good if it means I no longer excert the same pressure on myself. Professional help does not exist otherwise I would not be venting about it here. But you are correct about the fact that negative thoughts build up. They do when whatever you do and say yields only negative feedback, like a lab monkey getting shocks regardless of the lever he pulls. This is why I need to step back for my own health. I'll try to take care of myself for now.

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