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No bully! Be kind!

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rant/vent thread Friend 06/08/2021 (Tue) 23:33:01 No.78
let it out
my bad eye contact is ruining every social interaction and making things awkward
I don't really have anything to complain about right now. Things are pretty alright. My dinner was really salty which was a bit gross.
I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know why. I'm just trying to go to sleep.
>>79 Staring people directly in the eye when talking to them is fucking weird to me too and I think it makes social interaction awkward rather than the opposite. I have to make a conscious effort to, every once in a while, look someone directly in the eyes when talking because apparently that's a "normal" thing to do.
Life sucks when all you can do is wageslave and don't have the time or energy for anything else.
>>83 I don't even have a full-time position and can still relate to that. I'd almost consider going on welfare if I were eligible.
I'm so dumb to think i'd be anything other then a basement dwelling hikki. I recently got a job, and within just a short span i've already fucked it up completely. I have never in my life had to explain so many times why i'm a complete moron then today and i stand here in the midst of the chaos i've sown thinking about taking the easy way out. I want to go home.
I think the dollar is going to tank, and I don't have much to spend my savings on. I know it's a First World problem, but I've been saving money for years in hopes of maybe buying property or something further down the road. Now it looks like that's not going to happen. I'm going to splurge on hobby stuff and maybe on a used vehicle. I wish I had some more ideas so my money's not going to go to waste. It would be nice if I could just save it for my future as planned, but that's not at all a safe bet. It seems like there are no safe bets anymore.
>>86 Any reason you don't invest those savings into something that will hold it's value in that scenario? If you don't need that money now, you could invest in some fixed assets as well. Depends on how much you have too I suppose. Either way, it's not doing you much good just sitting around.
>>84 not him but I am ssi but I work part time too but only because my parents control my disability check. The judge doesn't trust me with money ( I have autism). The good news is that I had my job for than 2 years. The thing about welfare is that you have nothing to and no money to spend, it's depressing. After my 6 hour shift I still have energy to do 30 minute running every other day, maybe it's because I am on my feet cleaning the floors all day, instead of on the computer all day. When I was a neet I never had any energy doing anything, I think inactivity causes alot of brain fog (at least for me.)
>>87 The problem is I have no clue about investments and don't know what will hold its value. I could buy some land, but I wouldn't know how to put it to use and would probably pay a buttload on taxes. >>88 I have a similar job to you and in my experience working a few hours a day adds some much needed structure to my life. I feel tired all the time whether I'm working or a NEET though.
My mom is acting super pissed with me and I don't know what I did. I tried to ask her, and she told me not to talk to her. I mean, what the hell? How am I supposed to apologize and fix whatever it is that I did if I don't even know what I did wrong?
>>89 >no clue about investments Yeah, me either, honestly. Just keep in mind, things like raw materials and other non-perishable necessities are pretty much always going to keep their value. Also, if you do figure things out for yourself, make sure to diversify. You shouldn't keep all your eggs in one basket, in case some incredibly unlikely event happens. I'm just making guesses here though. And parroting what I learned in my high school personal finance class.
>>90 That's just their nature. Take this from someone who once experimented with female hormones. Stay away from it.
>>91 It's hard for me to tell what are legitimate investments and what are just memes for bandwagon jumpers
>>141 I wouldn't put your money into stocks. If USD crashes like you predict, I think it'll harm most companies. At the very least, it'll cause them to lose some sales. Not to mention, stocks are pretty volatile. Maybe crude oil wouldn't be a bad investment. I don't know how prices are right now, but things like plastics and rubbers are made from crude oil among other things (Again, I'm just making some inferences). Gold might not be bad either? Beats the hell outta me, sorry pal. Oh, on a related note, you'll end up getting taxed quite a bit no matter what you do.
>>146 Precious metals were on my radar, but I wasn't sure if it was overblown as an investment option or not. I guess anything physical's better than not investing anything and letting my money go to waste, but things really suck right now as far as investments go. The tax thing would be a huge pain in the neck for me because I don't make that much money. I just happened to have saved a lot over the years.
>>174 You'd get taxed based on how much you made on your investment I think. So you'd still be much better off I think, again, assuming USD crashes.
my fan broke
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I'm obligated to work with my dad to earn some money and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off.
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>>187 >and his asscrack is visible through the whole day, and he throws a fit if you complain about it. It just pisses me off. not sure if this was meant to be funny but I had a good laugh
>>187 He's a plumber right? It's just part of the job.
Everything I did in the real world has been a colossal, pointless waste of my time. I'm so tired.
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>>230 That sounds terrible, what did you do?
>>287 >Tried joining a book club. The group disbands because of stupid politics shit. >Tried working at a small store, got accused of theft. Managed to clear my name but I didn't feel like working with them anymore. > Tried to get a high school diploma. Failed key subjects repeatedly to the point I ended up broke. >Attempted to join trade school. Shit gets shuttered due to 'rona. And looking back at my life, I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world.
>>328 Keep your chin up, because the bullshit isn't going to stop. The effort might be wasted, but that's life. Everything might as well be up to chance. If you never take those chances though, you'll never win. You'll never get to progress.
>>84 the worst thing about welfare is that you just get scraps and have everyone around you judge you for not wage slaving like the rest of them.
The industry I'm in is crumbling because of the chink flu. My boss only knows how to sperg and hope problems either solve itself or gets swept under the rug along with others waiting to blow up. I want to try working in another industry, but I've been in this industry in the same company for 12 years, I don't know how to polish my resume.
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>>345 Oh God I understand the pain of shitty bosses, especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. >>328 > I finally realize - I don't really belong in the real world. Tfw
>>345 start your own ebay rental service business, 12 years is lot of wheel-spinning experience, you can do it eyes shut. What wageslavery you do? If its some job you can sell your individual service on ebay and make small cash
>>328 >I don't really belong in the real world nobody likes being the real world anon, I run away from it constantly.
>>403 >especially the asshole who pretends his perfect and then badgers you for the same mistakes as he. My boss never apologizes for his mistakes. I don't know why he's very adamant about it. Maybe he views it as a sign of weakness that will slowly chip his authority. If anything, it makes him look like a complete ass. >>414 I mostly do technical backend stuff that companies closely guard as trade secret. Some of the knowledge is very specific to our company, and isn't directly applicable outside. I do help with sales from time to time, but I don't have the confidence in selling products like my peers in sales do.
>>460 Most bosses I find are like that, probably getting even to a managerial level position gives you a huge ego boost no matter how unglamorous the job is. Even worse are the nepotists
>>78 recently left a dead relationship where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs and i struggle a lot with self worth. i'm very alone, don't leave my room for anything but errands and uni, and i'm extremely harsh on myself. wouldn't call it self hate, but i think i'm an enormous, uninteresting loser and i wish i knew how to fix it. people are starting to catch on to it and call out my harshness/perfectionism sometimes
>>464 yeah, fuck neopets
I hate my life. I have just recently graduated with an engineering degree in an attractive field related to computers. But I still hate my life. It's almost like if getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life. I hate the housing market, I hate my ex girlfriend, I hate my complete lack of a romantic life and I hate that I am getting old.
>>460 Maybe not something akin to make a company, but technical stuff you have a hand in is very valuable. Trade secret is just a meme. Maybe not a retail like environment, you can still get contact to some companies people and get called as a "technician" who can fix things, even if not fix directly can diagnose things. >I don't have the confidence in selling products confidence is not necessary in sales, just the pitch. Main part is finding a needing customer. Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more.
>>92 I'm glad you didn't go down that path anon. Hope you're doing well >>530 Watch your language bro >>526 > where i was basically just used as a way for easy hugs God I wish that were me.
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I've learned the hard way that westerners are assholes and their taste in vidya is absolute trash.
>>605 Although they used to dominate when it came to console games, it's not like the East is any better when it comes to video games nowadays. I wish the entire industry would just collapse.
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>>606 Serves nothing to be a doomer either. I just dislike that most people are so closed minded when it comes to vidya. They could pick any superficial aspect of a game to say it's trash without even bothering to play it. It just gives me the vibe that while eastern vidya enthusiasts are more tranquil and less batshit crazy, westerners are the complete opposite, and are just terrible people to be around with. Maybe I should get into more japanese vidya, like actually finish Perfect Cherry Blossom.
>>549 >Well you haven't said what exactly you do, so can't say anything more. It's alright, anon, I'm being extra cautious. Maybe one day I can post my complete story when everything does not matter anymore. Being able to vent out my frustration, and anons here giving me (You)s made me feel better. For now I'll try to figure out things. Thank you for the support.
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Im starting to pick up mass paranoia again, I'd be more open about things if i didn't have this constant fear it'll be used against me like it has in the past. Further this my family has no concept of opsec and i further fear I'll get casted in guilt by association for something dumb they'll do... I just want to be left alone ;-; why must they torture me so...
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>>85 That's normal man. I was desperate and became an apprentice butcher for a time. The culture is to shit on the "yob" (boy/newfriend) and I was basically stuck apologising for messing up constantly. It took about a month or so to get settled in enough where I didn't have my manager constantly breathing down my neck. If you stick with it, you WILL get better. You're not dumb either, you just need to build confidence. The best part about having a bad job is that you want a better one. Good luck friend.
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>>533 >getting a good job and a good education are not the only things that matter in life You're right man, now to slave 40+ hours for the next 50 years while you save for retirement, maybe have some kids, flip a coin to see if you get divorced and lose everything. Maybe go fishing once or twice a year when you're not busy with a friend who you may not even have. After all, hard to keep a friend when you didn't even have enough time to keep work, your heath, family and life together. Then you can die at 70, a victim of stress, poor diet and regret. TL;DR - I don't think following the tradtional scaffolding as a man will make you happy. Others will be happy, but will you? I've never been in love despite being 22, so maybe I'm missing something. But I think men/boys should be honestly considering alternative lifestyles outside of the societal template we're pressured and insulted into following (e.g. man up). I'm biased, but I think there's some nugget of truth in my ranting.
>>688 I'm not a fan of putting NEETs on a pedestal. You should have a stable family that allows it to happen, and even then, you have to be a very big fan of the place you're living in to not even consider to move out. I don't have those two so I can't fathom why some people would love being a NEET. Doing nothing is cool but I'd rather be able to move wherever I want rather than bearing an environment I don't really like
>>689 I'm not talking about being a NEET. I'm talking about not doing 9-5 wife+kids because it's the default. To think about it and consider alternatives that may be more appealing. I don't consider being a poor NEET to be a good lifestyle. Alternatives would be things like nomads, tiny houses, minimalists, F.I.R.E, working part-time while you persue creative passions, etc. Basically taking some initiative and not following the default path because it's easier. At least that's how I see it.
Is it really so strange for someone to have never lost his imaginary friend? Of course I'd never allow her to die. We are friends so we stick together no matter what.
fucking hate not being on meds
>>703 that's kinda cool, reminds me of anons with tulpas. what's she like?
I'm getting migraines almost everyday now. I think it's the heat. Summer is my worst season.
really ? i love not being on them. id rather cry everyday than not have any emotions at all like a robot i can take hallucinations they terrify me but i can laugh about it after im "sober" again. i guess thats the price i have to pay in order to feel like a real human being rather than the husk of a person id like to know your perspective on things though ^_^
>>715 >hallucinations what are you diagnosed with
psychosis major depressive disorder and anxiety... i think im some sort of schizo too but not diagnosed
>>719 what about committing yourself to years of therapy instead of drugs? I don't know anything about psychosis and this is a serious question by the way. people with serious mood and anxiety disorders can overcome them without drugs. I've heard therapists say drugs are entirely unnecessary and anyone can talk their way through things and find peace with enough time.
>>720 i feel really uncomfortable when talking to people i just cant bring myself to trust even my family so a complete stranger is beyond me. also therapy is a lot of money like 40 dollars im not in a place where i can spend that much money even once per month just thinking about the price added up to a year is making me want to faint. but anyway anon thank you for the suggestion i think ill just try to better myself on my own some way. have a great day fren ^_^
Shame we have a blog thread but also a vent thread, because I have no idea where to put this. I guess here is fine since I'll be replying to another anon as well. There was a thread before the board wipe, where an anon asked if kindess = weakness. I believe in a truly stunted view/world that kind of position makes sense on its face. It's easy to see how a messed up person or a savage world would take that characteristic and affix it with a label of weakness and ignore its positive qualities. But it does get me thinking about things in reverse, that weakness = kindness. It's from my personal standpoint that I notice this, it's not a statement about the characteristic as a whole. I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. I see something cute and I'll go into full "protect her smile" mode and get really internally upset if any bad or unpleasant is shown to happen. I'll get a strong urge to defend something if it's being attacked, simply for the fact that it is under that duress. I'm curious as to why it happens. It doesn't feel like a healthy expression of kindness, and I don't know what to "do with it" when it comes up. Anyone else experience something like this? >>679 >my family has no concept of opsec My family gives me no reason to be paranoid about it really, but it is frustrating when they do dumb shit online like people their age would. I try to stop them but it's always so much more effort to convince them to stop than it is to just let them go along with it.
I don't know how to stop being filled with anger and hatred. It makes sense to say that it's not going to change anything and that we should just accept the aspects of the world we can't change. My rational mind gets that, but I don't feel it emotionally and don't know how to change.
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>>729 I just like to brood and seethe for a while. Then I return to a state of detached irony. Probably not the most healthy thing in the world but iunno what else I should do.
>>729 It'll probably never go away entirely. I've accepted that personally. Just knowing that it doesn't serve you any good will make it easier to overcome when it happens. It's actually a bit interestingly paradoxical when you think about it. We have every good reason to be extremely bitterly angry, hateful, resentful about so many things, but at the same time, we have no good reason because usually, without failure, nothing good or productive comes out of it. The human condition is a hell of a thing.
>>726 >I just notice that when I'm the least confident, the least secure, and least happy, I tend to really fall back on trying to be kind or propagate kindness. >Anyone else experience something like this? I'd say I'm the opposite. Depending on the situation, I can become angry, hateful, vindictive, etc. It's become considerably less explosive with time, but it's still there. Just tamer and sometimes unspoken. I had some delusion once that essentially boils down to "karma." That if I did nothing but act completely selflessly or something it'd all come back to me like I could change the world or something. I don't know, it was retarded, I think I was pretty drunk or something. In fact I don't think I'm really that kind at all. Civil and able to get along with? Absolutely, I don't even struggle with it. But things like kindness and generosity aren't really "taught" anymore, there's no one you can really "learn" it from. Pretty much everyone is just civil as long as there's no reason to be upset about anything.
>>708 Strong, cool and assertive. So everything I'm not. She smiles no matter what. I used to think it's creepy, but now I admire it. If she were a character in some manga I'm sure she would have a heartfelt backstory to explain why she's always positive, but since she's just my imaginary friend she isn't granted that luxury. She simply "is", without a past or even a future. I find that part quite sad. She's not real, so the only one she can interact with is me.
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Anons what's the best way to cope with anger? I try not to get angry or try to contain my rage and think it through when it happens, but there are times where I'm overcome by it and I end up punching something (the plastic moving box I've been using as a desk has a massive hole punched into it now). I'm fearful that it's only a matter of time before I do something stupid during an outburst, what should I do when I feel like I'm about to be overcome by rage? >>708 I wonder where all the /tulpa/friends went
>>742 Before I calmed down I used to watch myself explode and absolutely trash my place. So blinded by rage I didn't even realize what I had done until it's over. It's a good question, how did I calm down? I still feel angry and hateful about things but I'm not the walking nuclear bomb with a hairtrigger that I used to be. In fact I would even say I have a reasonable, normal level of patience now and my outbursts, when they rarely happen, are rather mild. My best guess is that I have seen what being petty has done to someone with time. Someone in my family is extremely impulsive, petty, and short-tempered. I've seen just how stupid he looks and just how he burns bridges with people and fucks up relationships over trivial shit. I think I didn't even consciously decide to calm down, I subconsciously did because I was afraid of becoming him. I now let things slide that really don't fucking matter, and I don't even really have to think about it. I unconsciously feel like getting angry, but my brain immediately hits the "fuck it" button and I just let it go. But, unless you have someone like that in your life that you can observe and see how bad of a look it is, I guess you may have to try to imagine how you appear outwardly. Probably a lot more difficult than having a perfect example of a bad example right in front of you for years.
Antipsychotics
>>746 >>742 Shit i fucked up
>>742 Try exercising whenever you feel the rage surge up. You can also try filming yourself whenever you get a rage fit and later look at the video and see how stupid you look and consider changing your ways. Maybe this video helps: https://invidiou.site/watch?v=ea7Spty3XZs
>>740 I do notice that as well. I generally fly into fits based on the current emotion I'm feeling. Like if I'm annoyed by something and that takes over, I'm annoyed at everything. Sometimes I'll be frustrated at something and it boils over like >>742 . It's not fun sadly, and it's hard to find someone who can actually help with it.
I'm so unbelievably pissed off right now and I did it to myself. I'm on the verge of snapping, but I'm too far in to stop what I'm doing. It's also super fucking hot. Goddamn I need to blow off some steam.
I don't rage and destroy things anymore but I might still benefit from setting up a sort of "rage room" as they're called, or destroying things with my leisure time. It can be cathartic. Maybe some of you could benefit from this idea of "controlled demolition." Control your anger, but at the same time, fuck some shit up and feel better after.
Man. I'm practically turning into the house maid. My family refuses to clean up after themselves and their pets. They leave their garbage everywhere, don't rinse their dishes, and they absolutely never clean their bathroom messes. Worst thing is, there's almost always someone in the living room or kitchen, so I never have a good time to clean, and by the time I do, everything is disgusting. It's a shame because the house is nice, but it looks like a big family of lazy neighbors lives here. If for no other reason, this makes me want to move out. That's a whole issue on it's own though.
My left leg hurts like hell and it feels as my blood in my veins is about to burst any second.
>>80 I remember oversalting my eggs some time ago and it ruined my entire day.
>>772 This, but other people's shit
I did it again, arguing all night with strangers on the internet, not even disagreeing really, just arguing, going to bed way late, getting up ant 3pm next day, ignoring all my plans, feeling empty inside.
>>785 Try turning off your internet connection before executing your plans, do them and then reward yourself with some internet time when you're done.
>>775 Dump it all on their bed. You deserve a nice space.
>>789 I've been doing that with the parental control of my router and it has been almost life changing, but every time I get the password into my hands it's almost like I'm binging. I never knew before how addicted I was, initially just did it to be more "productive".
>>775 Not encouraging you to keep doing that forever, but it is indeed very kind, regardless if they really appreciate it or not.
>>812 It's more kind when I tidy up my friends' places in the morning after a night of drinking
>>815 Yes you are also very kind but i don't pick favorites.
>>816 Both posts are mine. I don't think cleaning my home is particularly kind since I'm doing it for my sake, not theirs.
>>817 I see. If doing things for your own sake benefits others, it's still a good thing. I think a lot of people would not clean out of spite, and rather accept living in dirt. (I'm trying very hard to be positive here)
Good luck to all fellow wageslaves tomorrow.
The coronavirus pandemic is my fault. It all happened because I asked a girl out and she said yes. We listened to music together, talked about society and watched the stars while talking about our hobbies. I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her, but now she's gone - another victim of this unending pharmaceutical hell. The only reason I haven't committed suicide is because I'm a coward who fears unending oblivion more than hell itself.
Any of you cut off all communication with family? Considering doing it. I can't fucking stand them. I want to hit them. They're insufferable.
Parents kept on nagging me to get the jab. I told them I want those jabs to be fully FDA approved before getting one.
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I want a normalfriend free internet or at least imageboard but the creatures are everywhere like a bunch of damned roaches with the ability to shit up a place, scream, and remove any and all possibility of gatekeeping. Also not enough mods ever gatekeep on imageboards and every single one of them keeps turning to a big pile of vomit and I'm fucking tired of it. I used to be able to finally use a normalneighbor free board and it lasted some months before some retard ended up getting an important user effectively booted and then the place just fucking died. I'm tired of this dribbling, steaming, diarrhea shit. Normalshits should never have gotten on the internet in the first place. They've just ruined everything and even negatively affected themselves.
>>886 Normalfriends aren't real.
>>886 it's phones. ever since the release of the iphone, everyone is all over the internet nonstop now. the internet used to attract a smaller audience before that. web traffic got hit the hardest, the web is full of normalfucks now. I noticed a drastic plummet in quality discussion in every single corner of the internet last decade. I watched the culture change into this current miserable state. there's no undoing it now, literally everyone is on the internet now and the internet is far worse because of it. any time I find something good online anymore, literally anything at all, I instinctively keep it a secret because I don't want it becoming fucking ruined. I can't think of any good way to gatekeep a community to prevent the trash from wandering in honestly. also check 'em
>>886 Normalfriends? Smartphones? Social media? Bro what are you talking about? Anyway I sent you a message on IRC, we're having a LAN party soon.
>>888 Checked >>889 ;_;
Why must suffering exist? Apparently it's so that happiness can exist as well but I've never been happy, so that can't be the case.
>>893 Good on ya king, mario kart is the devil.
next time my family acts like a bunch of insufferable cunts, I ghost them
>>886 I feel you, kind friend. Like >>888 said phones were the downfall. They granted access to the Internet for countless people and they didn't bother at all to integrate in the existing culture. They just swept in and started to flood everything with anything, no regard for nothing. They brought all their stuff from their lifes with them and just drowned what already was. Then companies started to see the potentical and started to intervene, not to forget the gouverments who started to regulate. Since then I drifted around the Internet, searching for places with the old spirit and generaly places I like. Most of the time I didn't have a home and just stayed here and there for a few weeks. Rarely I had a place I called home but they all died after one or two year because of cancer. Now I am just jaded, somehow I want to leave the Internet entirely but I can't. So many fond memories, it also basecially raised me. Not to forget that I wouldn't know what to do in my free time anyway if I would quit. Still I just can't attach myself to a side anymore, the fear of it getting cancer and losing it is just to big because of that I almost never post, to not get attached. >>889 I felt that post. How much I miss it. Why can't I just stop missing the past? >>892 Suffering exists to free yourself from it. It shows you what is bad for you.
Prank calls are annoying...
>>884 I don't interact with a decent chunk of my extended family and avoid contact with them. I like spending time with my immediate family though. >>888 Definitely. Phones even made web design shittier, so now we have all these sites making themselves less usable so drooling phonefriends can browse them too. I wish we could go back to the old days. >>904 >Now I am just jaded, somehow I want to leave the Internet entirely but I can't. So many fond memories, it also basecially raised me. Not to forget that I wouldn't know what to do in my free time anyway if I would quit. I feel like I need it to find like-minded people to talk to and get things off my chest, even if like-minded people are harder and harder to find. It doesn't help that I'm getting older and that I've always had problems relating to people my own age, let alone younger ones.
>>918 >Definitely. Phones even made web design shittier, so now we have all these sites making themselves less usable so drooling phonefriends can browse them too. I wish we could go back to the old days. Whats up with that?? Even mangadex now is turning complete normie tablet/phone friendly, but don't people realize they can have two different designs..? Why are they making us computer users suffer with 99% whitespace and no content?
>>918 This is surely also a reason why I am still around. I just don't know like-minded people irl, they are all on the Internet. I guess this is a side effect from being detached from irl and having lived on the Net. It is also very helpful to vent and get some advice and kind words too. I don't think I would be able to keep going without the net, having no friends and no passion. Well I can't relate to folk my ago too and to younger ones even less, somehow the people I like are always older than me.
>>936 I'd rather the people designing these sites would give phone users the finger and let them whine and complain if they don't like it. Unfortunately, a lot of web sites are made with commercial pursuits in mind and can't get away with doing that. >>939 >This is surely also a reason why I am still around. I just don't know like-minded people irl, they are all on the Internet. I guess this is a side effect from being detached from irl and having lived on the Net. It is also very helpful to vent and get some advice and kind words too. I don't think I would be able to keep going without the net, having no friends and no passion. The Internet is really my only form of social interaction other than casual small talk at work or talking with my family. And I don't really like opening up to people in real life, so that could be a problem even if I could find people I had things in common with. I feel like something's wrong with me in that whenever I put myself out there socially, I immediately feel a sense of shame and regret. I don't know where it comes from or how to deal with it. Besides that, I like having the Internet for my hobbies. I can use it to find guides and tutorials for skills I'd like to learn and also track down books, movies, music, and video games that interest me instantly. I plan on increasing my physical media collection a bit in the long run though. I tried to get into torrents again, but a lot of the ones I've found don't have many people seeding them anymore. But overall, it seems like I'm too reliant on the Internet to leave it behind. I think I might be more productive without it in a lot of ways, so it's a double-edged sword for me. >Well I can't relate to folk my ago too and to younger ones even less, somehow the people I like are always older than me. I've always felt that way. I've always been an awkward recluse, but as a kid I think I would have rather have spent time around elderly people and listened to stories of their life experiences and reminiscings of the past than hung out with kids who were my age. I feel like my cultural reference points are more like those of people ten or even twenty years older than me than the people I went to school with.
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>try to wage slave >ADHD acts up >manage to wage slave anyway >coworker gets passive aggressive at my slow work >manage to speed up a bit by bumping drug dose >system tells me to input code valid for 5 minutes, but sends it with 30 minute delay
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Best pastry I have ever tasted was a certain brand of cheese bagels. The best chocolate I ever tasted was a certain thin milk chocolate bar. What they have in common is that they were so god damn tasty that it's very difficult not to eat the entire thing immediately. I'm not fat nor a glutton but no matter how many of those I bought they would disappear within the same day or hour every time because they're so irresistibly good. What they also have in common is that neither one exists anymore. The bagels started to get harder and harder to find until it was not possible to find them anywhere anymore. Instead where they used to be is some bland and rubbery tasting cheese coated bread. The chocolate was replaced with a "new recipe" that literally tastes like watery plastic. I've never tasted such a bad chocolate, there's absolutely nothing in common with the new and the old one, even the wrapper communicates a different message and the bar itself has a more generic shape, I had to triple quadruple check that it's the same brand at all. This probably sounds like a dumb first world problem but it annoys me so much. How do you have something so good and then replace it with something terrible? You're making the world a better place just by existing in your current state, you don't need to DO anything, just don't stop.
>>986 There was these two things that I absolutely loved - Strawberry Creme Savers, and this Strawberry Sundae pudding from JELL-O. Both of them absolutely delicious, and both of them gone forever. I hate life more than anything. Why do they remove the delicious things? It all makes me feel immense pain.
>>986 I feel you, this has happened with a lot of things I liked. Beers will change the brewing process and it's noticably worse but probably cheaper to make. Whatever drink it anyway until you're just too drunk to taste the difference. I've had shops and restaurants discontinue my favorite foods and drinks and replace them with trash. I've even been at these restaurants and asked why they replaced these really good drinks or meals and they say that it's because it sells better to idiots. Even if you degrade the quality by like 80% you lowered the price a tiny bit, even if it seems negligible and you personally would much rather have the better version for a little more money. This slight price cut has caused a massive increase in sales and they make more money now, despite the dismay of customers like me and even the staff working at the restaurant who understand exactly how you feel. Sometimes they will still make the drink for you the right way just because they feel bad for you.
>>986 There used to be a grocery store near me that had the best donuts I've ever had, but now they stopped making them. It's all about making more money for these places. >>997 Creme Savers were really good.
Ahhhh I can't stand living like this! I'd rather have all my fingers cut off one by one than to have to suffer this again! I can't believe I forgot what I was going to do!
>>986 >Best pastry >you don't need to DO anything, just don't stop. >>997 >Why do they remove the delicious things? >>1005 >and they say that it's because it sells better to idiots >>1012 >donuts There was a regional brand of donuts that I grew up eating. They sold out to a conglomerate and the confectioners sugar that was used in the original recipe was replaced by high fructose corn shit to cut production costs. The price of the donuts never dropped though. I think they now taste like acrid plastic. It amazes me that when I've brought this up to people they don't notice the difference. Maybe I'm weird in that I dislike high fructose corn shit in solid food so much, but can tolerate it somewhat in carbonated drinks. I can imagine some don't mind the taste as much, but the fact that so many can't even notice that the recipe changed bothers and weirds me out. Like, as long as the logo and packaging remains unchanged, the donuts could be replaced with dog biscuits and there would be people out there that might not notice any difference and like with so many other things... they keep getting away with it!
>>967 Same here, the Internet if very important for my social life because it is almost not existing irl. I also have a hard time to open up irl, I actually have severe issues of showing emotions at all. Of course I do have emotions but I somehow just can't show them. While I don't feel shame or regret when I enter social things, I rather feel very bored and disinterested or even disgusted, depending on what is going on. Furthermore people tend to annoy me irl but I like them on the Net, well at least I like them on imageboards. The Internet surely provides a lot of things to learn but I have to admit that I only use it for anime, video games, imageboards and music. I would like to read more but I rarely do it, even though there would be some topics that interest me. Having stuff physical is very appealing to me, I don't like the trend of having everything digital one bit. Anyway I would not be more productive without the Net, to be honest I would be bored. I am very lazy and very uncreative, I would have no idea what to do without it.Sometimes this fact still bothers me. I felt that, kind friend. I have a ten year older brother who basically raised me because my mother was busy with my sister who gave her trouble and my father was working all the time. I grew up with so much stuff from another generation and also started to use the Net at an way to early age. I am completely detached from those around my age but luckily it doesn't bother me anymore.
>>1157 >I actually have severe issues of showing emotions at all. I can joke with people and be lighthearted (I come across as such a space cadet that I pretty much have to), but that's really as far as it goes. I don't really know how to be serious. I'd be completely useless at comforting a sad person and would just come across as uncaring and monotone. I also have feelings and ideas that I don't know how to articulate or put into words and probably come across like an idiot. >Furthermore people tend to annoy me irl but I like them on the Net, well at least I like them on imageboards. Same. I used to have friends in school, although I'd rarely hang out with them. We ended up parting ways a long time ago, and while I wish them the best also don't regret becoming a loner. I always have really been one at heart and need a lot of time away from people to recharge. It would be one thing if I had people I had more in common with, but even then I care too much about pursuing my interests and following my usual routine to spend more time with other people. Maybe that would change if I met the right person though. >I would like to read more but I rarely do it, even though there would be some topics that interest me. I'm that way with physical books, but I like reading books on the computer in between doing other things. >Having stuff physical is very appealing to me, I don't like the trend of having everything digital one bit. I enjoy the convenience of having everything on my hard drive, but I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket. Physical media helps with that, but I also don't like being tied down by having too many possessions. >Anyway I would not be more productive without the Net, to be honest I would be bored. I am very lazy and very uncreative, I would have no idea what to do without it.Sometimes this fact still bothers me. I have enough offline interests that I could find stuff to do, but it would really bug me if I wanted to look up information or order something and didn't have the Internet to do it. >I have a ten year older brother who basically raised me because my mother was busy with my sister who gave her trouble and my father was working all the time. For me, my older brother is just under ten years older than me. On top of that, my childhood was relatively isolated. I was homeschooled and didn't have cable TV until I hit puberty.
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I dislike the fact that i was a waifu-friend of a meme (Corona-chan). It feels terrible trying to masturbate and only being able to think of her, then feeling guilty because I stopped obsessing over her once art stopped flowing. I went to so many corners of the internet to get all the pictures I could of her, but now that she's technically dead because no one really cares enough to make content with her the only thing I have is a bit of guilt for no longer believing in her as strong as I did in the beginning of the previous year. I wish my problems could be more mundane but for me this is a big issue a year after I stopped believing in her. Should've become a waifufriend of something less trendy that would stand the test of time
I randomly feel like shit for no reason. When that happens, I start worrying that I'll feel like shit for longer, which makes it hard to recover.
Fuck carpal tunnel syndrome
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I've been reading a book called Hitler's Beneficiaries, and it made me realise that for how horrible socialist countries always become, I can realise why people support them. Although the Nazi party basically utilised slave labor and destroyed my country along with many others, the people who they cared about were actually happy. Obviously, it would not last in my opinion, but I see that they had actually good intentions, at least for their own people. This gave me realisation of how effective just destroying things of others and utilising slave labour is and why people cling so much to the idea. Because who doesn't want a situation in which you don't have to worry about the world around you and can take part in fulfiling jobs. But this brings me to a realisation, is such happiness only possible while hurting other people? I don't want anyone to be hurt, I know it's impossible to not hurt anyone, but there is a difference between some people being hurt and such large scale exploitation. It terrifies me because for the last 20 years we've been doing the same by buying products from China and most people are only now noticing it. I believe in libertarian principles but I'm scared that even those are only workable due to taking advantage off of someone else, that there can be no freedom without slavery or stealing the property of others. Why is the world so cruel /kind/? I don't need a perfect world, but it seems to be completely horrible. I wish things were better. I get really sad and depressed thinking about it all.
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My mind shut down when I was driving and I ended up in the wrong lane and I got cussed out by another driver. I used to drive on that route regularly, but I suddenly had no idea what I was doing or what lane to be in. I hate driving so much and probably shouldn't be on the road, but I really don't have much of a choice.
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sometimes, society is shit sure we are in one, cause we need to survive, however it would be a miracle if many people understand and live out the fact that not everyone is the same. sure a certain person is competitive and want progress in a short amount of time as possible, but, it doesn't kill, or is a loss, if most of us be a bit kinder to each other.
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It's really hot. I feel feverish and I can't sleep, my mind feels dull and stupid, and the air feels so thick it makes it hard to breathe. I can't participate in most of my usual hobbies, since the heat and humidity might interfere with them, and I can't concentrate anyways, so I've just been lying around in a daze and doing nothing, which makes me feel even worse. I keep eating too much, especially sweets and sugary foods, and I'm worried I might start gaining weight as I reach wizardhood; no one else seems to be worried for me, though. I don't know why I have so much difficulty controlling myself. I think I might also be going through a crisis of faith.
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Today I had an epiphany - I'm too stupid and can't even handle elementary-levels of math. I laugh at myself all the time, but this just hit different. Maybe I'll laugh at myself a little more.
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As I watch videos of very amazing public speakers, I wish I could carry myself like they do. One of the videos I was watched was with a Communications Expert who I got to listen to as part of my externship. The video was very inspirational, but I couldn't help but wonder - for people like me who have already had extremely severe social anxiety for most of their lives, and whose voice is generally much too meek and timid - is it already over? Or, perhaps these people just have something even most people, socially anxious or not, will never have? All throughout school I have constantly been praised for my writing, but because of avoidance due to severe social anxiety, my communication skills have remained quite poor. At this point, they even feel so stunted that I think I may be mildly autistic sometimes. I'd love to be this super animated, overflowing with charisma and a booming voice kind of person, especially because it seems the world values public speaking skills far more than writing ones.
>>1393 >especially because it seems the world values public speaking skills far more than writing ones. Well, it's because they do Anon. But still, that doesn't mean you just give up. If you can't be a great orator, then strive to be a great writer. Or artist. Or programmer. The point is to find something that you enjoy enough to spend countless hours practicing at until you get good enough to turn that into a marketable skill. Good luck.
>>1393 I remember in school dreading presentations, struggling through them and then getting bad grades on it for the nervousness. I'm not sure what the teacher thought, punishing me for my anxiety will make it go away??
>>1393 Public speaking is just another form of acting, friend. It's not for everyone. In school, when I had to do presentations and the sort, I just accepted that I'd make a fool of myself and then took advantage of that fact. It's fine if you aren't great at it. There are plenty of things you can do that won't require it. You don't have to be Times magazine Man of the Year. You just have to give things an honest effort.
>>1395 I used to have this issue, but at some point I stopped paying attention to others presentations. When I started doing that I was suddenly able to assume that 99% aren't paying attention to me anyways so it's just me and my teacher. After this happened I started getting really really good grades when it came to presentations and people were genuinely surprised at me frequently commenting on it, and then I realized people do pay attention to my presentations and now I'm back to being absolutely useless at them due to sheer anxiety. Haven't been in school for many years though. Luckily most of us don't have to do any public speaking our entire lives, but it's good practice for getting used to speaking to multiple customers at once if you're working retail and talking to a big family or something so it's good for something.
>>1402 It was similar for me in the opposite way around until early highschool, I remember even liking the attention when presenting, until one day I suddenly started stuttering, forgetting my words, turning my head bright red so much I felt it was exploding and so on. I wonder why that happened, it's like I became too self-aware or something, like a switch suddenly flipped and I couldn't even raise my voice anymore, weird. >>1393 >All throughout school I have constantly been praised for my writing, but because of avoidance due to severe social anxiety, my communication skills have remained quite poor Shouldn't writing be a skill you can get good at without worrying too much about social anxiety? I like to think of it a bit like any form of art, a different kind of communication than typical social back and worth, you can express opinions that you couldn't do in a normal kind of way.
>>1393 Thank you. I'm going to college now for Computer Science, so I'm thankful that at least in the Software Engineering industry I wouldn't have to be bombarded with the "Why are you so quiet?" question as often as I have been in school, at least. LOL >>1393 Not with becoming a well-known author. Among well-known authors, there's no speculative evidence that what any of them had was ever more than your typical shyness, like Ernest Hemingway, or voluntary choosing to stay more under the radar, like Emily Dickinson. Many authors have became well-known only posthumously, so that could have been a factor, but most of the same like Louisa May Alcott still had to keep pushing their works to publishing houses, despite constant rejections. Fortunately, I have no interest in my writing becoming well-known or even being public at all anymore so it's not a huge deal to me. haha
The streets of my city are stalked by sickening creatures of the night. I saw a feral neighbor shitting on the sidewalk tonight. I'm sickened.
>go to big city in years >see evolution spectrum on the streets, some can't even speak our lang >beggars everywhere >drugsellers everywhere >traffic is horrible >50% gun shop ratio in some areas >islamists with 3 women that might be his daughters or wives >They talk about how this city's girls are sluts and shit, they are the only ones eyeing girls >some of them will go to west and people will think everyone from my country are apes >i have to endure this for 2 months I hate everything about city.
I have trouble interacting with people. My social skills are not the problem though. When talking with people I feel suffocated. When I endure this feeling I can never seem to open myself up to anyone. I endure it until I can't any longer, it feels like my insides get wound and wound until I cannot breath. I sometimes will try to make a friend but I have to warn them I will only vanish one day after saying goodbye however I still feel like I am only harming people by talking with them as they will get attached and I leave eventually. I feel as if by talking to me I am depriving them of a better relationship. I try and try, but the result is the same. I have garbage bags of rotting food in my room and I am not making important phone calls I need to make as I am just too afraid. I guess I need to look after myself before I try look after someone else.
>>1453 Holy fuck i was just thinking about that, i have a old friend that called me a week ago and talked about how i never call back him despite we having fun while we are together. Friendships are too hard, i don't know how people hold 10+ years old friends.
>>1447 >>1446 Take the anti-urbanite pill
>>1454 What makes it hard for yourself friend? Do you feel like an alien? there are no communities that I feel I fit into as isolation has rendered me a bit different and I find that a pain. Do you have any friends? I only post on boards between entertaining myself now.
>>1457 I was late to this socialising thing, especially the online one. I was content without friends nor internet until my late 14's soo i had no socialising experience at childhood except two kids, i think people gain the social experience and social cues around that time but i didn't(or i am autistic). In HS i made friends because loneliness was kicking in but after i turned 16 they started to go the "bad guy" route in life, i think the 50 shades of gray populated around that time and it affected how they thought about women. Probably the first time i felt a great awkwardness about socialising was at that time, they choose to act macho and tryhard, they started making less jokes for fun, more jokes for the social latter. It did work for them considering they all had several gfs at the same time after i leaved their group. I became a loner again but no more as lonely, had a crush on another loner guy(this is the only time i had a gay crush, i hope there won't be another) i hid my crush but we became friends until the end of hs. I have some temp friends irl and i feel more alien than i have ever felt but i have a optimist view on life, i don't feel lonely nor sad, just sometimes angry. I can talk without stutter, i can understand some social cues and people don't think i am a creep. tldr: I feel alien but not sad. I have some temporary friends. How about you, do you have friends? >>1456 I might start working in ships as a engineer, i think that is even better than going in woods as a shepherd.
>>1463 If you had the ability to easily be social without the autism hindering yourself, do you think you would do so instead? From what you are saying it sounds like you had a friend group but they matured and became "incel" like? I have no friends and beyond posting on some slow boards I do not talk to anyone except social workers who I am considering to stop contact with. My experience is a little different however I have experienced some true isolation. I feel detached and as if I am alien and not due to being unable to understand people but understanding them and finding it all so strange. Detached as in I cannot seem to enjoy others company and it only ever seems to cause me stress, more bad than good. I have quit talking with people and just read manga or novels instead. What temp friends do you have? friends online? online friends are friends too you know. If you desire a friend and just seem to have trouble with being social then I really think you should consider trying as all sorts of people can make friends on the internet! You can have that friend to share your life with together if you try hard. Doubt I can but you could :)
>>1453 >When talking with people I feel suffocated. >When I endure this feeling I can never seem to open myself up to anyone. Same. >>1454 I lost contact with my friends after high school, and it doesn't even matter to me. I hope they're doing well, but I'm too much of a loner to maintain friendships. I'm really introverted and my interests are too niche.
>>1471 If you had the ability to easily be social without the autism hindering yourself, do you think you would do so instead? I don't like normal people, i am happy with my life the way it is. >became "incel" like Something like that. In my country girls usually don't pretend like they don't want "bad guys" soo most guys seem to become gangster-like in their 20's for girls. >I do not talk to anyone except social workers who i am cinsidering to stop contact with. Did they have any positive impact? The temp friends i have are all irl, they are from a course for ship maintanance. Most people online are too political and aggressivr all the time it feels draining talking to them. >Doubt I can but you could i hope we all can find friends we share a life with. >>1481 What are your interests? Maybe there is someone with that interest.
>>1484 Girls can tend to be drawn to bad boys and boys to those who flash flesh etc and that is just the way it tends to go. I cannot really tolerate normal people either but can get some good conversations out of strangers when I do go outside. Normal people seem to wish they can be themselves for the most part and are afraid of being ostricized. >Did they have any positive impact? They actually do at least one of them does. He will chasing things up in the system for me and help me with things which is really nice. >The temp friends i have are all irl, they are from a course for ship maintanance. This sounds nice really. Anyone there you have gotten to know a bit and seems cool? Normalfriends are everywhere and even in psychwards! so IRL is hard to find someone you can gel with. >Most people online are too political and aggressivr all the time it feels draining talking to them. Oh this is too true. It is just a pain talking to people who are stuck in their ideology. You could find some cool people maybe if you try. >i hope we all can find friends we share a life with. This is what life is about. Even if you can be content alone doing your own thing it is a hollow existence.
>>1484 >What are your interests? Maybe there is someone with that interest. I like old media in general and am rarely interested in newer music, movies, TV shows, or video games. A big problem is that my interests are always shifting and stopping me from delving too deeply into one thing. Right now, for example, I don't watch movies. A deep enthusiast for a given topic would accuse me of being a "tourist." I'll be into one subject for a little while and then get sick of it and move onto something else. I usually come back to it later on, but it's kind of hard to connect with someone if your shared interest ends up becoming more of a one-sided interest.
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I just looked up what Kappa actually are. What the fuck is their problem? They seem like assholes. They drown children, rape women, and steal people's souls from their butt. Not only that, but they're weird turtle men. They have all sorts of strange anatomical features. In conclusion, Kappa are creepy critters that are not to be messed with unless you know what you are doing.
>>1592 Just give em a cucumber bro
I love you anon and only ever get sad thinking about you. You always meant so much to me and that has not changed. <3 it does not need to make sense friend.
>>1535 Your posts remind me a lot about myself, I can strongly relate to what you are talking about. I still don't know if it was isolation, my mental issues or the fact that the Internet more or less raised me made me turn out the way I am now, most likely it is a mixture of all of them. The main issue now is that I have nowhere to fit into as well, the places I knew are long dead and the people I knew long gone. Now everything I do is visiting boards and entertaining myself too. Most of the time I don't even post. Sometimes I ask myself why I am still here. My interests shift too but I have to admit that they just go back and forth from video games to anime. Most of the time I am content with being alone but sometimes I do miss people, even though I don't really have something to talk about and mostly fail to connect. Even if I do, it is just too much work to maintain a bond with someone. I can talk to somebody for 5 minutes and I have already enough, I just don't appreciate the company of people, too stressful and having to look out for their needs, feeling and so on. People just annoy me and often I can't relate at all und don't care either. Like you said, I feel like an alien but most of the time I am alright with it, now and then I mourn it though.
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I've been reflecting on my emotions deeper than ever this year and it's driving me crazy because the abyss is not only staring at me but jumping out at me and melting my brain. Whenever I get too close for comfort it locks me out and I'm wondering if that's normal, would a normal person do the same thing and just be confused or scared at what they're looking at instead of being blocked and blinded out of it? Did I pass that phase already and I've gone deeper? Is this my soul protecting itself from the material world and I should look for my answers elsewhere? Sometimes catharsis leaves you empty. You could have arrested development, this problem could need to be addressed another way, or you sent off a piece of your soul on accident.
>>1599 Isolation has its benefits but when it comes to functioning and maintaining a healthy perspective or being able to relate to others I think maybe it is actually bad? feels bad anyway and I would have it no other way. Even if you could feel close to others it becomes impossible for other reasons due to isolation honing your edge in a unique way compared to the rest. there is no turning back and I would have it no other way in the present state. >>1605 Do you mean you are becoming numb or feel as if there is like some barrier between you and how you feel? This is bad anon if you are becoming numb. feel free to ignore this as I only speak from my own experience and what I have seen with others but emotionally being incapable is the endgame. I have talked with doctors about this and tried to research myself and it seems that people can turn to stone for what can be years to the rest of their life. Good luck.
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A LADYBUG JUST TRIED TO FLY INSIDE MY EAR!
>>1599 >The main issue now is that I have nowhere to fit into as well, the places I knew are long dead and the people I knew long gone. I know that feeling, except in my case I never fit in in the first place. I don't think I could ever go back to using a traditional forum, for example. I was too edgy for them ten years ago, and I'm even more so now. I hate drawing attention to myself and feel vulnerable when tied to a fixed identity. >Most of the time I am content with being alone but sometimes I do miss people, even though I don't really have something to talk about and mostly fail to connect. Even if I do, it is just too much work to maintain a bond with someone. I can talk to somebody for 5 minutes and I have already enough, I just don't appreciate the company of people, too stressful and having to look out for their needs, feeling and so on. Same. The only people I really like to interact with are my family members, and even then I need a ton of time to myself. Maybe someday I'll find someone I really like being around outside of them, but whenever I try and be sociable I end up questioning why I even bothered trying in the first place when I'm not enjoying myself.
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>I'm gonna try to be productive today >suddenly, feel bad FOR NO FUCKING REASON >browse imageboards and yt videos
>>1617 Very traumatizing ordeal, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
>>1635 I appreciate your sympathy, but, in all honestly, it was probably more traumatizing for the ladybug then it was for me.
>>1636 You're very brave, friend. I just hope that you are being honest with us about your feelings. We're here for you!
yasashikushite ne>>1622
>>1268 ekusuplosion
>>1244 ah well, it s annoying isnt it when someone bans you without prior warning. it feels gloomy. like rainy clouds like moody. yeah, moody things have no warning everyone is moody im hitorijanai. tsk
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>>1592 That's the point of a kappa, it's a youkai after all! For example parents tell their kids who can't swim yet the story of how a kappa will snatch them away into the water and eat their liver if they get too close to it, just so the kids won't get careless around the water. Like other y Youkai though, the Kappa can also be nice if you catch it offguard, by fishing it for example. Then they are even teaching people their secrets about medicine, helping with fieldwork or promising to never attack humans anymore. So Youkai bring mischief but they can also be helpful, which is what makes them so interesting in my opinion!
>>1668 When you think about it, the stereotypical imageboard user is a lot like youkai. Rotten ugly bastard that's up to no good. A good example to children as how not to be. They can be helpful if you catch them off guard and talk about something they like. Oh, and you won't see them for yourself very often. Still, the kappa and other youkai do more harm than good. Not worth dealing with them unless you just happen to have leverage on them.
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>>1671 >the stereotypical imageboard user is a lot like youkai and the lurkers of the human village stand back and stare as admins and jannies swing into action to deal with the occasional incident and sweep things up from time to time
Lying is very difficult. It feels wrong and treacherous. One time I was forced into an acting class and my mind simply bricked itself. I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not. I can't lie. I can't pretend. I can't put on a mask. I'm me, Anonymous! I'm no one else. In this world it appears that's not enough. It seems like humans must lie. I don't like it. I don't want to lie. I want to be me, even if I'm not the best. Until the day I die, I hope to remain entirely myself, no matter the consequences. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven, I guess.
>>1686 iktf, but I got over it by roleplaying and trolling. It helped me understand those I disagree with by pretending to be them. Still, explicitly lying IRL is completely unnatural for me.
I just completed an hour long psychological test only to find that I'd have to pay to receive results. This was mega cuntish. Even though the price wasn't that huge, it would be immoral to pay.
I’m conflicted over how a friendship ended several months ago, and I’ve been going through various emotions and thoughts about it. Whenever it crosses my mind, it usually gets me frustrated, and upset to the point of it taking up significant amounts of time ruminating on it before I can let it go. It’s all I can focus on once I’m thinking about it. It’s a problem, and I should probably see someone about it, but I don’t really like shrink settings.
>>1689 That stuff is so annoying, I’d wish they’d be upfront about that
Yesterday, a giant fly flew into my house and kept flying around. I tried to zap it with one of those paddle zappers. During the fight, it got onto web of a rather large spider (bigger than the fly), ripped out a big chunk of it and escaped just as the spider was about to grab it. The web didn't even slow it down. I managed to zap it and wanted to put it in spider's web while stunned, but it woke up in seconds and acted as if nothing happened. Then it hid behind furniture. Fuck flies, I need more spiders. Preferably also bigger ones, since local spiders make weak webs.
My friend told me kind of recently that if his girlfriend told him to stop hanging out with me then he would. He's my only friend and I keep thinking about that, just cemented my plan to eventually move out of town and gradually distance myself from him.
My ability to connect with people is so bad... I have 4 friends, I see them occasionally, but am still so terribly, desperately lonely. If I can't even connect with my best friend who also has assburgers how am I going to find a gf?! I don't want to die alone
>>1711 That's rough to hear, friend. I'm sorry. Is there any reason he said that?
>>1711 Is this girlfriend new or was he with her for a long time? Is he a loser? It's common for losers to go all "hoes before bros" when they get their first gf, who usually leaves them shortly after. Sad reminder that you can only trust people who could have harmed you but chose not to.
Sometimes, I wish I was a sporty blabbering loudmouth with mainstream interests and 20 less IQ. It seems to be what everyone else would rather have me be.
Thinking about starting to ghost and deleting all channels of communication with my only friend which is also an online friend. I just can't do it.
>>1719 not that this should be taken as advice or anything, but i always assume that every online friend will do that eventually
>>1713 They're having a bunch of relationship troubles, she's not exactly the most understanding when it comes to his health issues. Then there's also the fact that he's pretty sure she's cheating on him or seriously thinking about doing it, he said that more as a "I'm that desperate to keep her" sort of thing, I think. >>1714 I guess he kind of is, although I say that as a bigger loser than he is. They've been together for about eleven years and she's been his only girlfriend the entire time. It's really stupid but he was actually a big factor that kept me in this town since I didn't want to lose his friendship.
>>1722 I'd rather be single at that point. It seems like a large point of stress for him. Some people will do anything to avoid being alone. Honestly, he seems he's become a bad friend. Don't hold it against him, but definitely start looking at more options for your future.
>>1689 I've had that happen to me, although I don't know if it took me an hour. It really grinds your gears, doesn't it? >>1712 I know that feel. I feel lonely even in the presence of other people. >>1719 I think you should let him know beforehand. I did that to my friends and kind of regret not telling them that I was deleting my social media account. >>1722 He sounds really desperate if he wants to keep a woman like that around.
>be me >get in a course >all men class >Teacher is always horny >Students are always horny >they always talk about women they fuck or will fuck >they admit their biggest hobby is sex I hate normal men
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>>1738 This is a problem with normalfriends in general. Many normalfriend women are like this too. Taking the autistic schizoid pill and just ignoring all of them and blatantly ignoring social norms for socialization is the way to go.
>>1738 This is one of the worse kinds of coomers, though not the very bottom. There are worse, like those whose pride in life comes from their coomer escapades and putting others down if they don't have high scores. Normal "people" are like a different species. Disgustingly "biological", instinctive, impulsive.
>>1740 looking back at my yearbook years ago I was called a "pimp", I used to take that as compliment even though I didn't have any high scores because I was too focused on other things after school but looking back everyone was making fun of the way I was walking (pimps walk limping with a cane and my knees were bad)
>>1738 What kind of course is that, I can't imagine any professional setting where that would be an acceptable topic.
>>1743 You'd be amazed at all the kind of places where people will inappropriately talk about sex.
>>1738 Sounds pretty cool.
>>1739 Thats what i will do asap >>1743 Ship maintanance but it wasnt that different in any other course with majority male population.
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My hair always feels greasy, and when i touch it I need to wash my hands. I take showers, and I don't even think my hair is any more greasy than the average person. I just hate the feeling of oil on my hands and it pesters meee.
>>1782 My face is oily like that. I'd need to wash it 4+ times a day to keep it not greasy.
>>1782 I always had greasy hair as well, now that I shave my head I have a greasy scalp 6ish hours after shaving. It's annoying and basically means I need to shave every day, but I'm lazy and it tends to be every two to three days instead.
Why is there literally no active libertarian board anywhere?
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>>1864 you should be happy with what you have, friend... libertarianism is a niche interest that seems to have had its time around the early 2010s or so. i wish you a happy monday also! ^_^
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angy and dont know how to talk about it
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>having to work I'll never get over how over half of my day is supposed to be dedicated to mandatory activity of "being an adult" and "contribooting to society". I won't even get to return to be a glorified NEET again because I'll die early due to tons of stress through all my life.
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My shrink isn't responding to e-mails and I'm on withdrawal
I will avoid saying certain words here so as to avoid getting this place any undue attention and preserve it, but I ended up taking the devil's shot today after my family pestered me about it for god knows how long. Virtually every single day, whenever the opportunity presented itself, they would pester me about it. "Did you check if you can take it already anon? You better go get that shot anon. I heard it's killing 14 year olds now! Oh, it's not like I'm scared or anything. I'm just, y'know, concerned about you. It's not like I'm trying to find validation for my vapid existence. Better go watch the news for more!" I'm paraphrasing here, of course, but you get the gist of it. The last sentence there is especially aggravating as the people in my family will claim they don't watch the news because it's so biased, but the goddamned TV is almost always turned on the most subversive news channel in our country. The point is, I don't know how to feel about it. Many aspects of my life make me feel this way, but it's as if I lack any agency of my own. I don't even feel like a tool. Rather, I feel like a dog. I may have just become complicit in a scheme that could potentially enslave us, and I felt like I had no choice in the matter. Whenever I tried to talk to my family about it, their answers were always the same. "Oh, it's not like it'll kill you, anon. Oh, you're so afraid anon, I understand, you hate shots, huh?" All despite the fact that this was never the point I wanted to make. But my attempts at conversation always fell on deaf ears. That's how it's always been with my family. There is never any space for anyone to have an honest, sensible discussion, and when I try to talk about my own individual opinions and feelings, they get aggressive. I used to get into nasty fights with them over this, but once I got older, I realized it's pointless because they'll never, ever change. They speak in a sort of cacophony, repeating the same things over and over without ever actually saying anything. I realized that's why I felt so lonely for most of my life. And now, because of this goddamn family, I may have made my own contribution to the fall of decent, sensible society, which brings me to my next point. It's depressing just how little agency we have over ourselves. I'm not talking about free will or anything, but rather about how little we can do to make our lives better. I always try my best to have a positive outlook on life, especially after being suicidal for so many years, but the fact that we are looked down upon so much by those who rule us, to the point they treat us as nothing more than lab rats, is exceedingly depressing. I can only hope that one day we will rise above this and come out better, rebuilding civilization from its ruins, but it living in such a world feels like a curse. It really is as if God has abandoned us. Whatever agency we may have had has been stripped from us violently. I genuinely fear for our future, and in my case, I live in a country which may very well be close to its ultimate downfall because certain individuals want power so, so badly, that they are willing to bring everything down with them as long as they get to sit on their decrepit throne. When one of the biggest criminals in your country's history gets away with everything scot-free while aiming for the highest possible position in the federal government, the message is clear: "you are trash. Concepts like good and evil don't matter. Crime does pay and there's nothing you can do about it. If you believe in morals and standards, you are an initio and deserve to die." And people applaud this in droves. I'm just rambling here. But I hate this goddamned world with every fiber of my being and the fact that I always feel like I'm being pushed around, along with the people who praise it.
i relate to this. cathartic ramble op. >But my attempts at conversation always fell on deaf ears >and when I try to talk about my own individual opinions and feelings, they get aggressive i could never understand why people get hostile when others question things. shouldn't we always be questioning things, having dialogue, and play around with ideas to test ourselves? that sort of type who reacts angrily when you question some meta narrative they depend on, i don't get it. it can always be explained away by some sort of school of psychology or philosophy, insecurity or a self defense mechanism, narcissism, or however you might care to frame it. question some crucial fiction that others require to mask their anxiety and the walls come crashing down. what struck me about what op wrote and i find most painful is when you have to accept that you're thinking and questioning and going about life all embodied and conscious and that family members, who you would hope would be those that you could rely on most, are effectively living on autopilot most of the time. there, but not there. realizing that there is no point in having any sort of discussion with them that involves anything beyond basic pleasantries and casual what have yous. i have to stay superficial with some adult family members or they will throw tantrums like children if you propose an idea that they are unfamiliar with or is too complex for them to follow and they rage rather then ask questions and try to learn something new. i've had to deal with this and it's a terrible heartbreaker. it can be hard to feel compassion for them when they are being the aggressor and bringing unnecessary anger to the table. i hope op can get some distance or whatever they need, so that a situation like that doesn't cloud their vision for the good things in this world. there have been times when dealing with the fact that i have family dangerously skewed towards the far end of the npc spectrum and it effects me in ways that it shouldn't and can make everything look bleak at times. it can be a hard head space to snap out of.
I WISH I COULD CREATE A MECHA ANIME/MANGA/WHATEVER But I have plot ideas nor any no mecha design ideas. It's just the IDEA of creating a work that features mecha that draws me in so much. Mecha stories are always larger-than-life, often both literally and figuratively, and as such appeal to my childlike mind. "EVEN MY FATHER NEVER HIT ME!!!" - I feel as though Amuro's famous line after Bright slapped him is something that could only be uttered in a work unbound by reality as to feature giant robots. The scene featured no robots in it and yet the energy of a giant robot battle is present in Bright's slap and Amuro's response to the slap. It's perfect. It's just so perfect. I love it. I don't like most things, but this I most certainly do like. Robots make me happy.
>But I have plot ideas nor any no mecha design ideas Should be "But I have no plot ideas nor any mecha design ideas" The post came to me very suddenly, so it's expected that I'd make such a mistake
I wanted to play vidya after work today. I've been looking forward to it all day, but now I don't even feel like it. Man, I hate working. I want to go back to the NEET life so bad. Hell, the only reason I got a job was to give myself a chance of keeping my driver's license. Get paid tomorrow, don't have anything I really want to do with it.
I got a canker sore after I scratched the inside of my mouth with a toothbrush once. It feels as if something was stuck in my mouth at all times and hurts like sore throat.
My cat was ill and unable to shit because of intestines clogged with hair. Now he can shit properly, but associates shitting in the litterbox with pain, so he shits outside of it.
Sometimes it seems like almost everyone online nowadays is like a mini e-celeb - constantly having 5+ people liking their posts, giving them tweet replies/anonymous asks (Tumblr)/etc. Meanwhile, pretty much all my social media posts are like talking to myself, because my accounts have such small presence that no one cares. Somehow, it's like I'm even more invisible online now than I am in real life. Normally I don't care, but I made a livetweeting account that I don't think anyone is going to follow, but at the same time now I feel awkward not using it.
>>1924 >Sometimes it seems like almost everyone online nowadays is like a mini e-celeb - constantly having 5+ people liking their posts, giving them tweet replies/anonymous asks (Tumblr)/etc They might be friends?
>>1925 No, not in the communities I'm on at least. Most of us follow people we don't know personally IRL or well at all. Yet they still tend to get more interaction with their posts. Out of all my followers, only two or three of them are actually my friends. To be honest, I don't get why the rest have followed me back at all. Well, actually I don't offer pretty much anything original on my account and I post much more rarely nowadays so that could also be why I get no interaction from anyone else.
>>1924 Getting visibility is really hard when you're starting out. Do you have something or someone to "get a boost from"? For me, I deved an open source game and most of my changes were well received. Then I split off from the main branch and enough people "followed me" that I'm getting about 100 regular downloads per release and have 100 online people on discord. Granted, those aren't close friends or anything, but many of those people "notice me" and some offer valuable help. Do you have a gimmick? An "autism" that would attract weirdos? A niche interest? You could join forums related to your interest and put your twitter in the signature, then try to be helpful to people. The "larger" you are, the more chances of being noticed.
>>1924 >why can't I be a celebrity on social media and have people give likes to my life I don't want to sound un/kind/ but that's just about the most stupid first world problem I've heard. Are you doing anything worth caring about? Like posting art or something you made, or engaging in some movement/hobby that other people might be interested in?
Also do YOU engage with other people and actually become someone that people know or care about? If you post an interesting comment at someone else, whoever reads it may then check out your page and see what you're about.
>>1937 This is why streamers read people's comments out loud and call out donators. It gets people engaged. For me, doing it would be ultra unnatural to just insert myself into things, but apparently normies like it or at worst are just slightly annoyed by it.
>>1936 Have you considered the context of this post? It's a rant/vent thread, where people complain about >ladybugs flying in their ears >JELL-O stopping selling one product >oversalting eggs >having a greasy face >lack of libertarian boards
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>>1924 >Do you have something or someone to "get a boost from"? There is a Discord server for the game I'm planning to currently livetweet so I think I may try promoting it there. >Do you have a gimmick? An "autism" that would attract weirdos? A niche interest? My "autism" is visual novels, which are still pretty niched I guess. Congrats on your game, by the way. >>1936 >I don't want to sound un/kind/ but that's just about the most stupid first world problem I've heard. Well, calling it stupid doesn't exactly do your intention many favors. You misconstrued or didn't read my whole post at all. I didn't meant complete social validation for every mundane thing in my life, like posting I'm taking a dump and wanting to get likes for it. To reiterate, I don't normally care about the lack of interaction I get on my posts. It's only the lack of followers on this new account I made that bothers me specifically, because I made it to post commentary for games I'm playing that I can show to others as I'm playing them. In that case it would be awkward and pointless to use it with no other people following it (or just one other person, because my best friend did just follow it shortly after I made that last post. But in that case, it would still be awkward because I might as well just send him commentary directly.). >Are you doing anything worth caring about? Like posting art or something you made, or engaging in some movement/hobby that other people might be interested in? Engaging in movements and hobbies is the only reason I'm really even on social media. On Twitter, I retweet and reply to people's tweets all the time, actually. I've noticed alot of these popular accounts are of artists, but unfortunately I can't draw. The only artistic thing I can do is write, but I have no desire to gain an audience for my writing anymore. I can translate Japanese and I really enjoy it, so I've considered starting an account for that but I'm not sure I can just translate things like text from people's fanart on it. I'd have to get permission every time, and most Japanese people are uncomfortable with having their content translated unless you have proper credentials.My speaking ability is much lower than my reading comprehension so I'd also have trouble communicating such requests.
I think it's time I cut contact with my friend, he's the only irl friend I have though. I really need to try to find an apprenticeship I can do away from this town and just cut ties with him and practically everyone else in this town apart from close family. Even my little sister apparently wants nothing to do with me, I've tried talking to her through Facebook over the past couple years but I get nothing. Grandma gets a call from her at least once every two or so weeks yet she complains about my sister never talking to her, I'd fucking kill for her to actually go out of her way to talk to me that often.
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>>1949 How do you fall for someone that basically hates you? I think you should try cutting whatever social media you met him in if you can. You will probably realise how stupid you are acting if you stay away from the constant stimulation caused by him. Also don't admit to being a girl on imageboards because girls are rare on imageboards soo your fingerprint becomes unique and you become easier to dox. You could unironically pretend to be gay because there are far more gays than there are girls on ibs.
>>1951 >You could unironically pretend to be gay because there are far more gays than there are girls on ibs. Females can be told apart from gay men pretty easily if you know what to look for. Gay men have more direct, fact-oriented speech patterns, while females share "experiences" and talk much more about own feelings. Granted, only "schizo pro" posters will reliably notice the difference, but if you care specifically about doxxing, you're up against those. Why would you even do that, though? Just be neutral until someone asks directly. Lying will annoy people when they find out.
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moral of the story: dealing and socialising with people is overrated
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Goddamn I hate ironic weebs. The fucking worst ever. I don't give a fuck about their lame shonen trash or their epic meme rap songs. I don't even watch anime anymore because it feels like bad luck. Heaven forbid they rape good stuff.
>>1956 Don't let others ruin your enjoyment of a hobby friend
>>1957 thats why i stopped going to /a/, its just people calling all my favorite anime trash.
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>>1957 I had some beverages, and now I feel like an animal that will be hunted to extinction even if not hunted. I've been drinking and things just feel more and more hopeless. The fact that I have nothing to come home to feels absolutely horrible.
>>1959 All I'll say is, I don't really want cross-contamination. I don't want to bring the invasive species to the place I'm trying to protect. I love Touhou. I don't love how much my friends tell me how much they want me to fuck that slut or other vapid shit. For me, it's an innocent thing that I find fun and interesting. Something I love doesn't deserve that poor behavior and that negative exposure. I want to at least experience what is offered before it is ruined.
>>1958 >why i stopped going to /a/ If it wasn't for places like that I never would have learned that I am a casual and that the way you graduate to non-casual status is by calling others a casual without offering any explaination or bothering to address what was being discussed in the first place.
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My computer keeps turning itself off.
>>1974 Is it overheating? When was the last time you cleaned it?
>>1976 It might be overheating due to the hot dehumidifier I'm running, and it has been a while since I cleaned it. It doesn't look that dusty looking inside, but I should still do it anyway. I had a similar problem with a computer a while back, although that was a freezing issue and it ended up being the motherboard that was bad.
>>1978 Try running something that measures temperature of CPU and GPU, then run a stress test for one and later for the other. If the hardware isn't new, it might be thermal paste rather than dust. My house is ultra dusty and everything becomes covered with a visible layer of dust every week, but so far all my problems with overheating hardware were due to paste rather than dust+cat hair.
>>1963 Chad yes
>>1983 It was a pain, but I ended up taking it apart yesterday and cleaning out the dust. It worked fine for the remainder of the day, and I haven't had it shut off today yet either. Just for comparison, it restarted itself twice yesterday before I cleaned it. I'll have to give it some more time to see whether or not I'm out of the woods yet. I also took a look at the temperature when I first turned it on post-cleaning, and it looked fine then. I might have to look into it more if I run into any more problems.
I 'REALLY am hating myself this morning. It seems I can't do anything right and seeing anything that resembles some part of me makes me feel disgusting.
>>2012 Don't say that, I am sure you good at something, just don't let a few mistakes let you down, keep going. We all have to start somewhere, practice makes perfect. Be patient and kind to yourself. It will pay off.
>>2012 It's not healthy to think that. Even if you don't like something about yourself, try to think only about how you can improve it. >seeing anything that resembles some part of me makes me feel disgusting It helped me to spend more time in front of a mirror. But also meds, since body issues this severe may be from OCD. That is, if you have other symptoms, like thinking about "cringy" things you did 10+ years ago, picking at your skin whenever you feel an imperfection or thinking you may be a pedo.
No talk of thinning the herd please. Thank you.
>>2015 >That is, if you have other symptoms, like thinking about "cringy" things you did 10+ years ago, picking at your skin whenever you feel an imperfection or thinking you may be a pedo. not that friend but i do this all the time. also have body issues, but coping by accepting that as a hikikomori it does not matter. all i need to do is not look at myself and then things are okay. physical bodies are beneath me, i am an emotional being existing in a spiritual sense. no body.
>>2024 Meds helped me a lot with OCD. Didn't fix it, but made it possible for me not to care about dumb shit. Feels good not to have so many irrational worries. Or maybe not good, because I have anhedonia so nothing feels actually good, but certainly less bad.
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>>2028 i used to be medicated, but i got that anhedonia, then i increased my dose without consulting my doctor and started hallucinating lol haven't touched any meds since.
>>2030 >but i got that anhedonia I had mine for decades, I didn't hear of anyone getting it from meds. If I had a choice between anhedonia or OCD, I may consider OCD as lesser evil. But I didn't get a choice, so anhedonia it is.
>>2031 >I didn't hear of anyone getting it from meds. Not him, but I think I've heard of it before with SSRIs.
>>2046 It's relatively common in long term SSRI use. I prefer being a bit unstable over the constant boredom.
I don't think anyone in my family respects me very much. My sister in particular despises me. Talking to any of them makes me feel depressed. I want to go somewhere so far away from here.
>>2095 Why is that anon?
>>1992 Any news? Did cleaning do the trick?
>take vacations >suddenly sleepy all day every day >when not sleepy, it's random nausea and confusion instead I just want to do nothing in particular, but I can't even do that.
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A neverending downward spiral >I am unable to find a girlfriend. >This makes me lonely. >The loneliness makes me more desperate, further lowering my chances of finding a gf. >This adds incredible sexual frustration, further lowering my chances of finding a gf. >My self worth is practically zero at this point, a sad looser continuously masturbating to deal with his very high libido. I cringe at my current state, unable to change it. >The loneliness and frustration make me severely depressed. At this point my chances of finding someone are practically zero, I lack the energy to attend the social events I so desperately would need to improve my social skills and perhaps meet a qt girl to awkwardly attempt flirting. Nofap, meditation, exercise, self-help, relationship advice, the top 50 search results for "how to find a girlfriend". Nothing improves my situation. The current "level" of the spiral is suicidal thoughts, and I really don't want to go further. I just want someone to hug before going to sleep, someone to be intimate with, someone I can look forward to seeing when waking up. Because the first and last thing on my mind, every morning and every evening, for years, has been crushing loneliness. It takes ages to push aside the self hate and emptiness when going to sleep, though hugging a rolled-up bed sheet and pretending it was a person helps and it takes over an hour on most days to fight the paralyzing existential dread in the morning before I am able to get up. And throughout the day, if I am not consumed by this dread, I am constantly distracted by my insane fucking libido. Puberty is over, has been for years, but I am pretty sure my libido kept increasing, the sexual frustration is driving me crazy. It's so uncomfortable to write this, I cringe at my own post, but I need to vent. I feel like a degenerate, an animal in rut, masturbating so much and still getting boners left and right. Even worse is that my best friend, instead of a downward spiral, went through a positive feedback loop. He got laid, his confidence went through the roof, that helped him pick up more girls, he got experience, which made the ordeal even easier. He's had a happy relationship for months now while I halved my circle of friends and failed at establishing a workout habit in my life. I am so fucking pathetic, I know what steps I need to take but am unable to take them. It takes so much to not let my envy ruin our friendship. Why would people want a depressed looser in their group? Who invites the slouching killjoy to a party? And even if I try to hide it, the thoughts are so intrusive and heavy that they shine through and people see past the mask. And that's maybe even worse than the killjoy, someone who's hiding something, the weirdo with the off-putting body language. I want this to end, it hurts so much, and there is no way out. tl;dr: >tfw no gf
>>2102 Yes, it's been working fine so far. Thanks. It didn't even look that dirty before I cleaned it, but it did seem to solve the problem. I haven't had it turn off on me once yet.
>>2123 I used to be like that. I just let it go. Found things that I really enjoy in life and focused on them. It hasn't gotten me a girlfriend, but it at least got me feeling alright with myself. If someone has a problem with me, fuck em. I'm not perfect, and that's fine. Parties are easy too. It's okay to make a fool of yourself, so long as you're having fun doing it. Do that, and you'll stop being so self-conscious around others as well. What I'm trying to say is, there's more to life than sex and getting a girlfriend. Sure, might be lonely sometimes, but that's what hobbies are for.
>>2125 I wish that'd work for me. I have hobbies I am genuinely passionate about, play 2 instruments, socialize whenever I find the energy and generally try to get my mind off it, as you suggest. It's just not working, the sheer intensity of anguish practically paralyzes me if it comes, flushing away any thoughts about things like hobbies. I've tried "letting go", and occasionally it even works. But even if, at the end of the day, as I try to fall asleep, the dread returns and washes over me. I logically recognize that life is more than romantic relationships. I just think I am unable to understand that on a subconscious or emotional level.
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>>2124 Never mind. I left and came back to it, and it was restarted.
>>2127 Sorry man. I didn't think it'd be much help, but you never know. Hopefully someday you can accept it though.
I don't particularly mind the work I have to do with my job, even if it's not something most people are willing to do. One thing that bothers me though, is the shitty radio station. I work at Walmart, so all day I have to listen to Walmart radio. It's all inoffensive top 40 trash or garbage 80's pop music. It's mindnumbing. I try to listen to my own music when I can, but I can't use both of my earbuds in case I get called to take care of something. It really gets to you by the end of the week hearing the same songs every goddamn day.
>>2130 >garbage 80's pop music '80s pop kicked ass.
>>2123 >He got laid, his confidence went through the roof, that helped him pick up more girls, he got experience, which made the ordeal even easier. Promiscuity and relationships built around sex is decadent, degrading, and immature. First change those priorities, standards, and ideals you set for yourself. Women kind of suck and they can and will make your life more miserable if you seek out relationships just to fulfill this ideal that modern society has about men; but you shouldn't treat women like toys, either. Is someone who just lives to have sex with women really the kind of man you want to be?
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>>78 My dog of 16 years died and I'm still deeply upset
>>2139 I'm sorry to hear that anon. It is hard to lose a lifelong friend like that.
>>2133 >Is someone who just lives to have sex with women really the kind of man you want to be? Not really, no. But I am so desperate I am questioning one of my core ideals, that I only want sex in the context of long term relationships, because I can't find a partner. I don't want to loose my virginity to what would practically be a stranger, but it seems like the easiest short-term fix for my current state. I've so far decided against it, but the misery is so much I can't help but to grasp at straws and at least consider any way of getting out of this. And I kind of live to find a woman. One of my big goals in life is to have kids and have a family, which isn't sex or anything but I obviously can't do that alone.
>>2139 my condolences. sixteen years is a long time and such a long life for a dog. i know someone irl who recently lost an older dog and is still grieving too. it can take time feel through that. i still miss my childhood dog to this day.
>>2125 > Found things that I really enjoy in life How did you do this? I just don't understand how I am supposed to find something that I genuinely enjoy.
>>2150 Try new things. You'll find something eventually. For me, it was a friend that introduced me to racing and the and the technical stuff behind it. Before that, I didn't really care about that sort of thing. I just went really fast here and there, usually because I was running late for school. If you don't have any friends that might help you get into something, you'll just have to try things until something sticks.
>>2140 >>2143 Thanks for the kind words. I think I'm slowly healing but it still really sucks, especially with anxieties over what if he could've pulled through and what if I didn't treat him as well as I could have.
>be me >porn addict since forever >all degenerate shit, can't even get it up to vanilla >try nofap for 2 weeks >Still can't get it up to vanilla 3d even with 2 week's horniness How can i just have normal sexual attractions
>>2153 You can't go back to plebshit just like that. Also, the thing you most likely call "vanilla 3d" is probably just a bunch of normalized fetishes. That you may not have. Don't try to become a normie. Just do less of the things you want to stop doing.
>>2123 Thank you for your post, it is very emotionally honest. I am in the same situation, I crave to be touched every day. Seeing other people write about it are one of the few things that bring me a bit of sanity. Especially since it's a subject that doesn't have much place in conversation, at least offline.
hi frens! just discovered this board so apologies if I make a mistake. anons I’ve been feeling sick. so sick that I just sleep all day and only wake up to either throw up or use the toilet. the fact that being alone and having nobody to nurse me made me think about my life choices. I discovered some random girl’s flicker. she must be using it as her facebook or something because it’s filled with so many great memories like watching the sky with her friends and going to festivals and such. I’m so sleepy I will think about this stuff after my fever dream. Let’s just say this thread is a hello from a newbie and set aside the bad vibes for later.
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>>2161 I can relate to those feels, newfren. I hope your health improves and you can come to peace with what troubles you.
>>2162 what’s your address? I have to sex you.
I wonder if it was my sickness or something but imagine being so alone that you want to fuck the first person that responds to you. sorry.
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>>2163 heh, heh, heh... that was unexpected!
>>2165 yeah I’m a person of surprises. unfortunately for you though i’m a guy.
>>2141 >But I am so desperate I am questioning one of my core ideals And right there is your problem. Never compromise on your ideals or your virtues; it's all you really own. Especially not just to get easy pussy. You're too focused with what you think the world and society expects you to do, and too obsessed with your own self-pity, and for that you will earn absolutely no sympathy from me nor should you expect it from anyone else. >One of my big goals in life is to have kids and have a family Admirable, but it will be an incredibly difficult and harrowing experience given the state of the world, and that's just finding a woman you can trust to be your wife. This is an external issue and has no relation to your quality as a person. Even becoming this supposed chad who fucks tons of bitches all day doesn't mean the bitches will be improving with you. In my opinion, any loose girl who just sleeps around with anyone isn't worth the precious time and energy wasted on interacting with them. You should be asking yourself "Are they worthy of me?" instead of the other way around.
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>>2139 That really sucks. I don't even know if I'm going to want another dog after my current dog dies because of how hard I know it's going to be to deal with.
>>2177 I felt similar when my cat died. Ended up getting another, though partly because he needed someone.
>>2168 He has my sympathy.
>>2168 >You're too focused with what you think the world and society expects you to do Really? I actually sometimes wonder if I should focus more on what society expects, since my path is making me fucking miserable. If I'm miserable while *not* following my dreams, I could at least point at a few accomplishments or something. >and too obsessed with your own self-pity I'm not this obsessed with it usually. I'm using this thread to vent, I totally see where that impression comes from, but that's because I've only shown that side in this thread. >You should be asking yourself "Are they worthy of me?" instead of the other way around. The problem is that asking myself that further reduces my chances of starting a relationship and my lack of a relationship is causing this anguish. I'm not planning to let go of my ideals, but there's a part that *definitely* wants to.
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>>2164 I know that feel anon. I once entered a relationship with the first person that even talked to me. Literally first person. I have since learned to not be so desperate to not be alone and will not date someone opposite of the sex I'm attracted to again. Yes. I was that desperate for a friend. I felt I had to do anything to keep him as my friend, and that's what he was looking for. In the end it did not work out because I like women and I only caused problems. >>2184 >Really? I actually sometimes wonder if I should focus more on what society expects, since my path is making me fucking miserable. If I'm miserable while *not* following my dreams, I could at least point at a few accomplishments or something. I think going with the flow of society is not great unless it is something you also desire. I prefer to not compromise my ideals over being "normal". I have tried being normie and doing what society expects and even though it makes me a more functional human being, it makes me feel even more lonely as it feels like I'm not me and just living a weird character in a world I don't fit. It's dissociative in my experience.
>>2151 I don't even have the urge, motivation and energy to try new things. I am just lazy and want to have it as quiet, slow and comfortable as possible. Thanks anyway though, maybe one day when I feel different I will remember your advice.
Not really negativity, but I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I'm planning on moving out of the house with a few friends. Only issue is, I'm not sure if I want to try and transfer stores with my current job or look for something new altogether. With my current job, I make $11.25/hr. It's the worst paying job you can get there, but it's also easy. I could transfer to a new store and maybe move to night shift where I can make $15-$18/hr. If I get a new job, I could make around the same while also doing less shitty work. I could get an entry-level job working on vehicles which would be nice. I think I'll transfer stores then look at job options afterward, seems like the best plan of action.
I'm tired of working. I wish I could go back to being a NEET but still have the structure of a part-time job.
I miss when vidya was fun and not something to drag myself into just to feel something remotely fun instead of mindlessly tacking away into the void of image boards.
>>2256 Me too. Haven't played in 2 years though, why do something I don't enjoy anymore?
>>2256 Force yourself into some of the supposedly bad games. They may end up fun enough. I play coomer games. They are never truly good and I don't fap to them, but it makes me try out something I wouldn't try otherwise and it ends up kinda fun.
Rant/vent thread is more about anger and there's no sad/disappointed thread. I would make one but my threads die.
>>2284 >Rant/vent thread is more about anger and there's no sad/disappointed thread. Don't know, I'd say it still probably fits here. What's disappointing you, anon?
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>>2287 >I'd say it still probably fits here i agree, like this friend pointed out... >>1941 rants can come in all shapes and sizes...
>>2287 I alienated a relatively "important" person by enforcing rules after other user complained of his childish and offensive behavior. I kinda provoked him by arguing with him instead of ignoring his bait. Then keeping it up even as he has shown that he won't listen to reason. From his side, it may look like I banned him for disagreeing. It was one of those moments when you have to choose between benefit (let it slide) and principles (no preferential treatment). I always go with principles.
>>2293 All jannies should be beheaded.
Why do I suck so much at cooking? Holy shit.
>>2293 Stick to your guns, priceable = paramount.
Principals = paramount*
>>2297 I can't tell why you suck, but I suck because I'm too afraid to burn things or add too much oil, so I end up undercooking things or having them stick to pans.
>>2302 Sorry, I was just mad at the time because I messed up flipping an omelet in such a way that it splattered all over the kitchen. Yeah, it's hard to balance between not burning things and making sure they get brown enough.
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>>2297 >>2302 >>2314 I know those feels, fellow kitchen frens. The first few times I attempted this technique, it did not go well. I was also once banned from the kitchen for a time because I set fire to a tortilla.
Tried to make conversation today and was just ignored and talked over. Again.
I know programmers aren't very social, but I wish I had some place to talk about programming with people. All the tech boards always devolve into tech support and talking about various products and there's little to no productive programming happening. And when there is programming, it's always very low ceiling terminal scripts or "what language should I use" type beginner stuff or something, instead of actual software development.
>>2324 I know this feel. Even things as simple as "why should you write testable code" or "how does this SFINAE thing work?" drown in language questions. And in places like 4ch, many of the "experts" are so antisocial that they may as well know nothing at all.
>>2324 I go to the lainchan programming board sometimes. Smugloli also has a tech board with some competent people, but there's not a lot of activity at all.
>>2324 I wanted to resurrect Wirechan's /g/ but I don't really have much to say, I barely program anything outside of work now.
I've felt pretty good for a while, but suddenly I just feel like shit. I think it's because I got a job and am around my coworkers most days. Makes me feel alienated and strange compared to my days as a neet, where sometimes I'd feel a little lonely, but not too horrible. Hell, I'm not even that weird, I just don't have anything in common or to talk about with others.
>>2346 I felt restless and lazy in my time as a NEET, but now I'm starting to miss it. I work a split shift now and feel like I have no time left to do anything anymore. I wish I could have a good balance.
damaged my ear then damaged it again 2days later with shower stream now it feels heavy, and I even got something like tinnitus reeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>>2351 Damaged or clogged up? I clean my ears with q-tips because it's hard to stop doing it and it ends up clogging my ears once in a while. I have to apply paraffin to dissolve the crap or water will just stay inside after showering.
>>2349 I enjoyed the restlessness. Now I'm lazy when I'm not working because, well, work is exhausting. >I wish I could have a good balance. Yeah, me too. A job I'm considering has 4 12hr shifts a week. I think despite the higher amount of hours, it'd be easier to do things because the work is less spread out.
I don't feel good and I don't know why.
>>2371 I regularly feel like shit for no reason. I just blame brain chemistry and distract myself.
This website pisses me off. Kindness is gay as shit and you stupid friendgots just keep being cordial at worst. It's just not right. Fucking freaks.
>>2028 Meds actually helped you? I'm in a state where I don't know if they are helping or not, I don't really feel much different, but when I don't take them by accident sometimes, I feel far more terrified. That being said I was in an environment that facilitated my OCD worsening so that's the thing.
>>2123 Anon, things won't get better if you just find a girlfriend. You cannot substitute self-worth by getting a partner. Yeah, it might help sometimes, but it's a perfect way to get into an unhealthy relationship. You need to start liking yourself and pulling yourself by your own weight. Stop looking for romance, and look for friendships and if you do, romance will come on its own. But you can't worry about things like sex or romancing others, you need to just interact with people and not tie your self-worth to sexual achievements. If you think that you need sex to be happy, then you will miss the things that actually can make you happy as well as coming off as desperate. If you think that you can be happy despite not having a gf, you will start living for yourself instead of living for others.
>>1956 Stop going to places that they dwell at. Also try hiding your power level irl. Also this >>1957 >>1958 >>1963 If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter. The only reason why people truly hate casuals is because they act like their tastes are somehow phenomenal and they try to impress others with their tastes.
>>2381 >I don't know if they are helping or not I couldn't tell at first either, but after a while (couple of weeks) I realized I no longer spend so much time obsessing over dumb shit and when I do obsess, it isn't as bad.
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Can't seem to stop ordering junk food and wasting my money and my health. Probably going to die of a heart attack before I get my first kiss.
>>2385 >If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter They don't matter, but they annoy me. I'd rather people who don't share the same tastes as me don't enter threads for things I like that they don't like.
>>2378 It's probably just something I'm overlooking.
>>2385 >If you truly were not a casual you would understand that others opinions doesn't matter. It's not that I care about others' opinions, more that they do repulsive shit. For example, people chopping up a 90's sports car and turning it into a useless, ugly mess with awful modifications and shitty paint. I don't care that they have shit taste, I hate that they applied it to something I like.
There's a huge spider on the wall of my room I'm afraid and don't know what to do
>>2425 Spider fren might be in need of your help. Maybe catch it in something like a cup and let it outside?
>>2414 You mean, some event in your life? Subconsciousness doesn't hide things well. It's more likely that you have a sedentary lifestyle, don't get enough sun, bad diet, too much caffeine, lack of social contact or something like that.
>>2426 I'm sorry friend but it is dead now. I usually just ignore them but this one was way too scary.
>>2438 You did the right thing friend.
>>2393 pic related >>2423 I was mostly referring to how people get sensitive about their shit taste in anime, but your reason stated is a good reason to get mad at casuals.
>>2444 I found two more of the same kind just before going to bed. If I stop posting they got me...
It really is frustrating to know that I wasted time to wait for family to change. Learned helplessness and codependency are mental hells. I found a condo but it's in a virus ridden city. At this point, I might as well play with death and if I die, I die. I already feel like I am not living anyway.
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I don't know if I was even able to fully fall asleep at all last night, so I pretty much ended up staying up all through the night. I've also been feeling so horny that I compulsively fapped like 4 times in the past 24 hours. I don't know what's going on with me. Hopefully if I go to sleep earlier tonight I can get myself back on track and stop feeling like garbage.
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>>2382 I went for years without actively looking for a girlfriend, working on liking myself and don't give a shit about sexual achievements. I've tried exactly what you're suggesting for at least 3 years and it's not working. The problem isn't the lack of a gf but its result, the loneliness. No amount of meditation and self-improvement can fix the fact that I haven't fulfilled one of my baseline animalistic needs. I can accept the fact that I am alone, that acceptance hasn't done anything to my underlying emotional state.
>>2445 >pic related It hurts when people deliberately try to upset me instead of just leaving me alone. There is quite the big difference in intentionally entering threads with things you don't like, and other people entering to try and upset you because they don't like it. One is a deliberately unfriendly action, the other is passive and not a choice that is taken.
>>2494 Stop taking things so personally anon, especially from people over the internet. Doing that will improve your mood ten-fold.
niggas iffy uh
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Beyond all the politics and spiritual ascension what my anima/heart desires most to be joyous is to live in the 90s and 2000s and have the childhood I was denied by my parents. There will always be a hole in heart from never being young and free.
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>>2519 Other than crappy fan subbing, low internet speeds, and low resolution anime, the 2000s were truly a wonderful time to be into anime culture / an otaku. Things were more innocent and fun back then.
>>2515 I try. >>2531 At least we can still watch 90s anime.
If you have zoom, this might be a good place to let it out: https://ytprivate.com/watch?v=Y42p-6XpJWU
Not sure how people can still use the social internet it's a bit of a joke. I think it's about time to quit somehow. I guess just stop thinking I can find a real human on the internet, it's not going to happen. And I just don't enjoy the anonymous garbage going around. I'm sure some people will be posting on futaba imageboard clones their entire life but I'm not really feeling it and it doesn't look like friends are something that happens online either at least for people who aren't into pure rubbish. I really really wanted things to get better but there's nothing I can do. I can't fight it I have to give up I'm not happy I'd rather be unhappy and just never read a single thing written by another human, I guess.
>>2540 You want to be social on the Internet? Places still exist.
>>2548 Bad places, that I don't like. I'd even argue there are not "places" the internet has become just on "place" I don't see the difference between any of the social websites. But I'm happier now. I rarely ever post anywhere on the internet and when I do it's to complain about something I'm not apart of anymore like just now. When I got tired of the 4chan circle I was desperate to find a friend but it's not happening. I look forward to the next world when Jesus comes.
>>2548 >>2550 I find that socializing less makes the little socialization I do have feel a lot more special. I spend 90% of my waking hours watching anime or working on projects, and once every few days I'll check out a couple smaller imageboards and see what anons are up to. Constant socialization online is not healthy so it's good to take breaks, and avoid the mainstream sites (mainchan,reddit,twitter,tumblr) as much as possible. Most people there unfortunately are doing themselves a disfavor by socializing too much which makes them easily a bit jaded and prone to focusing on things they dislike rather than spending what little time they do have on things they really like.
>>2553 I cannot bring myself to care about random anonymous users and what they're up to. I'm interested in living and dying with someone, but when I look into it, humans aren't really made for that. Humans are pact animals but not bounding animals. People with friends when you look at them their friends are a weird web of people who don't really seem to know each other very well. It's no wonder so many people kill themselves when they reach 40, you're just sitting in your home alone you've seen everything done everything and you're disintegration and tired. And as things are moving faster people become outdated faster and feel disconnected with what's new. I think it's very important to have someone close to you before it's too late as every passing year it gets harder. Some people might enjoy futaba imageboards their entire life but I very much doubt it I think they'll one day want something more and it'll be too late. But lots of other people are also just fine with never having anyone and they die of old age some day and enjoy their TV until then.
>>2555 Go outside then. It isn't that hard to make friends. They might not be exactly what you want, but friends are good to have all the same. Get a job and don't be an antisocial loser. Learn to make small talk and shoot the shit with people. Don't expect other people to do all the legwork either. If you can't handle that, you're hopeless.
>>2557 >Go outside then. It isn't that hard to make friends. I'll stop reading there. have a nice day and life, genuinely, remember God loves you.
>>2555 >I cannot bring myself to care about random anonymous users and what they're up to Then I question your desire to go to imageboards. >Some people might enjoy futaba imageboards their entire life but I very much doubt it I think they'll one day want something more and it'll be too late It's possible to have both.
>>2558 >God That's not much of a friend. >>2557 >It isn't that hard to make friends. Except when it is.
>>2561 > > It isn't that hard to make friends. > Except when it is.
>>2534 Yeah that's another good thing. It's nice to be able to go back and torrent older anime that I haven't watched.
When I haven't gone outside for a few months I start fearing the outside and the people that inhabit it. Is this normal? I genuinely don't want to go outside.
>>2574 Is it fear? Or is it a Learned Helplessness thing?
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>>2575 A bit of both. I can't shake the feeling that every single person I walk past can tell how much of a mess I am and are looking down at me. Like they know I'm not supposed to be there.
>>2565 I read this book and it's incredibly american. For example, frequently using someone's name, in Europe would be considered weird. It also doesn't cover keeping friends well. The book would be better named >How to win American friends and influence American people as a normal American
>>2580 >For example, frequently using someone's name, in Europe would be considered weird. I'm American and feel weird addressing people by name for some reason. From what I've read of Dale Carnegie's ideas, they sound like they're just about insincere flattery and buttering people up to be used for your own ends rather than cultivating earnest friendships. I'm on good terms with most people I meet, but I wouldn't call that truly making friends. Friendship to me is something deeper than that.
>>2580 Then how do you address people? Do you use nicknames? I'd rather be called by my real name rather than nickname because people overuse nicknames. Once you have a nickname it becomes your identity that others have named you instead of your name. I makes me feel like my real being has been forgotten.
>>2588 I don't think nicknames are all that common outside of people that are really outgoing. With my friend group, there are no nicknames. We usually just say the generic man, dude, etc. Sometimes it can get a little unkind though, but it's fine as long as we're all having fun.
>>2588 You don't need to directly invoke someone's name/title/whatever in most conversations. Most of the time "you" is enough, especially when it's 1 on 1. "How to win friends" recommends invoking the name more often, even when it's clear who are you addressing. It says people like hearing own name. It may be helpful with big ego managerial types, but to insecure people, it may sound like you're singling them out for something. Europeans are statistically more reserved than Americans. Many non-English languages have multiple ways of saying/implying "you", so calling someone's name stands out more than in English.
It was a mistake to make my personality solely about my hobbies.
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Speaking about self-help books and >tfw no gf, here's a book I really wish existed in english: "Lessons in Love for Herbivore Men". Yes, this is the book that coined the term. As the author describes it, it's a book on love for gentle, inexperienced men, and how you don't need to be macho or masculine to have relationships. Sadly the term "herbivore men" became a buzz-word when the media picked it up. A very negative one at that, associated with men being feminized, weak and unmanly. You can read more about the book here: http://www.lifestudies.org/herbivoreboys00.html
I literally go to college and say like nothing to anyone unless it is a friend I agreed to meet up with (which does not happen very often). I can literally count on my hand the amount of times I talked to other classmates this semester and I am already in week 3. Today was probably the day I did the most. This was because I forced myself to participate in a literary discussion with the whole class and I could feel my heart palpitating while doing it. I just want to meet new people at school. Lots of people I know met their partners at school and joined lots of groups thanks to college, yet I have had no luck insofar. I guess being online my first semester is an excuse to justify this in some respects though.
>>2672 Sounds like my relatively normal friends I have. They don't seem to click with anyone like they did with me and other friends. I figure it's more difficult to make friends at this stage, despite people seeming more friendly. You don't have people thinking "oh hey, he likes video games too, how cool!" like you maybe would when you were young. I'd recommend clubs, but according to one source I have it's pointless. 'course he joined the E-Sports club at a small school while being very good at games, but that's another topic for another time. I'd maybe look into forming some unofficial, more specialized club. You might run into some people you don't care too much for, but maybe you'll run into a best friend for your adulthood. A lot of people join clubs just for the sake of it, me included. It can introduce you to new concepts and people. I'd definitely consider it. If you aren't that interested, ignore it. Not much to lose.
>>2672 Don't expect to get any friends, think of them as colleagues. I'm pretty asocial myself, but almost always had someone to talk to in college. Then I graduated and haven't exchanged a single sentence with any of them. So don't get your hopes up, but also don't beat yourself up over mistakes. You'll be more comfortable with people if you think of them as temporary beings that will disappear forever as soon as they get out of "context" that is your life. It won't turn you into a psychopath or anything, because you'll know it's just an inner act, but it can really help with irrational worries over stupid things you can say. Since you sound very reserved, you may need to meet a lot of people before any of them stay in your life. So prepare yourself to meet a lot of people who will disappear.
My uncle only has a few days left to live. I was never close to him, but I still feel bad about it.
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I fucking hate autism. I am not joking, I think harder when talking to people than when coding. Having to deliberately pay attention to my eye contact, inflections, facial expressions and body language is hard. Paying attention to, and INTERPRETING all that from the other person AND adding conversational subtext, while factoring in context, *while still thinking about the subject at hand* is a nightmare. And after all that, I still come across as weird, creepy or whatever else I am being called today. I'M LITERALLY DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR NEED FOR ME TO STARE AT YOUR EYEBALLS AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I AM STARING AT THEM THE WRONG WAY AND THEN WHEN I REFUSE TO GET DISRESPECTED LIKE THAT YOU CALL ME A CREEP FOR AVOIDING PEOPLE AND A LOOSER FOR GIVING UP HOLY FUCK I DON'T LAUGH AT THE BLIND MAN FOR BUMPING INTO THINGS WHAT DO YOU WANT EXCEPT MAKE ME SUFFER EVEN MORE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT And everything is fucking impossible to do. You can't find a job, "lacking soft skills" and failing interviews, and even if I did find one I doubt it would last. You also can't find a partner because a "dating skills" list might as well be a "Things autists suck at" one. The only thing left is my hobbies and the depressing realization that I would love to have a partner to be intimate with, a job to be useful with, or friends to have fun with. I hate autism so much.
>>2708 I'm an autist too, but I'm not the kind who really sticks out at first glance. I fell through the cracks most of my school years but realized I was different back in elementary school. It took years of self-loathing and hammering away at myself to get where I am, and I still can't function as a normal adult enough to live on my own. That's the main thing that bothers me. I feel like I'm almost there but still fall short. Even just driving around town on routes I don't normally take stresses me out.
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>>2708 Having communication problems in general is the worst shit. I have trouble talking fluently and it causes people to lose interest in listening to anything I have to say, or they start interrupting me before I can finish my sentences. Sometimes I need to explain something, then I manage to explain it in a clear way without stumbling on my words and I feel good that I managed to get the idea across for one. The other person goes "yeah yeah" and then asks me a question that I literally just answered because they stopped listening.
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>>2708 >You also can't find a partner because a "dating skills" list might as well be a "Things autists suck at" one. I'm not an autist, but I'm schizoid. Idea of me finding a partner is pretty much psychotic dream tier unreal to me. It's not even that I'm weird (which I am), unattractive (yes), without a social circle (still me), but I can't even imagine how could a person not from my family care about me. My social skills are near norm, but my ability to socialize is a grayed out button. I can get people to listen, I can make them think, I can annoy them, provoke, manipulate, fight for my benefits, convince, but I can't make a single friend. >>2714 Practice thinking what to say as you're saying it. I had friends in childhood and we played RPGs. Later, I had presentations in school. It really helped me to focus on what I am talking about, not do the "uuuuuuuh" when I'm thinking, cut down on words and avoid repetition. Force proper words. I improved surprisingly fast when I remembered to talk properly. Some people will still be dicks, but if they routinely ignore you, you may need to be harsher with them or they won't learn.
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>>2708 I understand that pain all too well, anon. It took years to understand how to interact with people on a functional level, and then my youth was almost completely gone so I struggled and made a bunch of stupid mistakes trying to reclaim something that was never meant to be. To make matters worse I think I inherited my dad's borderline personality disorder, so now that I actually know how to interpret social queues, my brain goes into overdrive and thinks everyone is out to get me. All you can do is roll with the punches, do your best, and drink green tea to calm the brain.
>>2710 The routine thing really sucks. For me, it's people making plans without telling me. I'll get overly emotional over slight inconveniences like being in the middle of cooking dinner and having my mom call me asking me to come over for dinner at her house in a few hours to the point where I have to make up excuses for why I'm so angry over dumb things like being asked to come over for dinner since she thinks if I have autism then she somehow failed as a parent. The only thing I could do to fix it was to either smoke weed or disassociate from my family for a week or more at a time, except the latter just worries them more. I've been experimenting with breath control and that seems to be helping to at least calm my temper enough to realize I'm getting upset over nothing. >>2714 I can speak fluently, however I have a very nasally voice so it ends with the same effect. Then they get mad when I shut down and stop talking to them. Or they continue to talk to me for over an hour while I've been giving no response or the exact same affirmation over and over again, interrupting me any time I bother to try to get a word in. The only solution I've found for this is to interrupt them (in a subtle way that looks like part of the conversation), and then stop myself before finishing my fake sentence, apologize, and make clear that the conversational partner has the right-of-way to speak. If I do it a few times, they catch on and let me finish my conversation.
>>2708 I hate it too, but on the other hand my family is nice and let me be a hikikomori neet without judging me for it. No job, no (offline) friends, but at least I have online people to talk to. >>2729 >The only thing I could do to fix it was to either smoke weed or disassociate from my family for a week or more at a time, except the latter just worries them more. I did the smoke weed thing until it stopped helping. Isolating myself works better.
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>>2185 I had a similar thing. I was in a bad situation and to escape from it I e-dated a guy. I told about this to an online friend of mine but he didn't have a good advice. wish he told me to not do things I'd regret later in life. yeah I regret it a lot now and cringe hard when I remember about it.
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Sometimes I have these nights where I want to burst into tears just like I used to when I was a bit more young, but I flat out can't because I'm dead from within. I know people are supposed to grow thick skin, but I don't want to grow any thicker skin anymore. I can't feel anything.
Platonic love burns my feelings.. I have feelings for moot. Wish i can marry,adopt kids and build a family with him <3 But can't cope with fact that it's impossible.
I'm jealous when I see people with geniuently good family relations because my family sucked dick. Things are better now because I moved away but I feel like I've been robbed. I hate the fact that people treat family as a holy cow that cannot be criticised, I do not want to rob anyone of their geniuently good family relations, but I do want to be able to get out of mine without the threat of societal backlash.
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Sometimes I miss companionship. I have been lonely for many years now and the first few years it bothered me severely. Nowadays it rarely does and when it does it is always the sense of unity that I am missing. Just being part of something, something that unites and gives a feeling that I don't walk alone. Since I work and lost my friends that feeling has been absent. I never felt comfortable anywhere anymore and just didn't click with somebody. Being at places I don't want to be, doing stuff I don't want to do, dealing with people I don't want to deal with. In my early youth I had school, I didn't have any friends there but there was that unity. Everyone was going through the same and with that I was somehow reassured and always had someone I could genuinely talk to about that and received genuine answers. Afterwards I had online friends, people I actually cared about and could talk to about interests. We did so much stuff together, they were honestly the best friendships I ever had After this peek there is nothing. I am used to it now but sometimes it gets hard and I miss the companionship I knew. It just feels lonely, being alone with your troubles, being alone with your interests, being alone with what you do. Without imageboards I would probably be in a psychiatric ward, they are the last outlet I have. Actually reading stuff I am interested in, reading things I can relate to, being able to genuinely laugh. Sometimes I wonder if it would get better if I had online friends again but I am afraid to find out. The magic of the Internet is lost, it has changed and so did I. I am older now, more jaded, more tired, less free time, less patient, more cautions.
>>2764 I have a theory that any kind of prolonged stagnation in life eventually leads to being shut off from socialization. At least I say that from my experience. Even the best friends will move on without you if you're not going anywhere with them. When I was half way through high school my grades plummeted and I lost the will to socialize for reasons that I couldn't really explain. I pretty much lost any friends I had after that and nearly didn't pass a grade. I just wasn't moving ahead with everyone else. I still don't have any proper friends but I can relate to people in my workplace especially my more elderly coworkers who will probably work there until they die. Like you said, it helps when everyone's in the same spot as you. There just aren't too many moments to breath and enjoy a lasting friendship it seems. I wonder if it gets easier when you're older and everyone slows down.
Tomodachi...
I'm working with a guy who says 'EEEEEEEH' very often, quite loudly and in a voiced tone, not a sigh. I can't really tell him to try to tone it down because he's like 2 steps above me in company hierarchy. It irritates me a lot. I can't focus on anything else when he's talking. He also has an accent I am not used to, so I have to focus on his voice to understand him, but I can't because of the EEEEEEH.
>>2774 Eeeeeehhhhh~
when does it end
>>2774 Are you working with a stern Japanese salaryman?
I'm drunk right now. I'm tired of being rejected and humiliated. A couple of days ago I went out with someone I met but that person told me at the of the day that I wasn't suitable for a relationship, it has happened four times this year. Sex is overrated garbage, since all i can do is fuck prostitutes and get fucked ugly men. I've never been in a relationship with someone that loves me. I get annoyed when I hear people laughing because I think they are laughing at me, it's really common every time my sister brings her friends at home. I try to get into my room as soon as I can while they're laughing. They all laugh like fucking hyenas when they see me, it really pisses me off. Today was a bad day, I want to tell someone irl how i'm feeling right now but I don't have any friends or anyone to talk with.
Another fun day with mi amigos in the sweatshop. Can't wait for more mandatory overtime. Hoping for a natural disaster or something so I can have time off. >>2774 That's kinda funny tbh, better than this guy I had to sit by who snorted his nose all fucking day. >>2797 No friends no gf gang
My computer has no internet access with IPv4 and despite IPv6 supposedly being fine, no internet. I was going to basically cut it off from the internet entirely once I get around to getting something better than an ancient laptop. Still incredibly fucking annoying, especially when Windows 10 made everything a convoluted pain in the ass to do. I really don't like Windows 10. Windows 7 was way more convienient.
>>2799 I would still be using Windows 7 if it was compatible with my computer's hardware.
I wish I had the impulse to learn a creative skill. I'd like to learn one since it seems like a great way to develop yourself and interact with other people, but nothing has ever come up for me like seeing a piece of art and wishing I could draw that, or playing a game and wishing I could code something like it. So if I did try to learn one I'd just be picking something at random and have no motivation to keep with it.
I am so pissed with being shit at social situations. I for the love of god cannot talk to people efficiently. I think this is from talking to my friends too much, and I have really poor social queues and filters, which means I will usually just sperg out about some niche topic or talk super seriously for no reason. I make other people annoyed and don't even know how to improve, and consistently push everyone away from me. Another part of myself I'm pissed about is how sometimes I will get super loud and extremely brash, sometimes even playfully violent with a couple guys. I don't know how much people mind or notice, but I'm definitely much louder. Afterwards I feel like shit, super exhausted and regret what happened. I'm tempted to go to a psychiatrist or someone for general issues, but I despise shrinks because I see it more of a con art than anything.
>>2801 Just gotta start really. I started programming because why not? I like technology. It's a lot of work, but it's fun when things work.
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I got into a good rhythm with doing daily push ups and was feeling good about it, but somehow injured (?) my side while doing it and now my side has been sensitive for several days and hurts sometimes when I walk outside.
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I hate autism and I goddamn hate waking up to OCD-tier panic attacks. Probably gonna drive myself psychotic one day.
Once in a while I get salty about how much better other people's lives are. Not just the rich and beautiful ones, just regular normies and women. I know they have their own problems and shit, but the very fact that they want to be alive and are more happy than not means their lives are instantly better than mine, regardless of whatever they're dealing with.
Stuck in a creative rut unable to work on my 3D models.
I hate how most places have vent threads but are they are really just a place for normfriends to attack people because they are literally animals and think its funny. >>2801 Its not really great for interacting with other people over. Its great for yourself to show sfw on topic work, but it doesnt matter when the normfriends spam weaponized autism all over every site and imageboard with their ban happy bullshit while they literally spam friendgot porn everywhere without consequences.

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