I know that feel. If you're into reading, anon would recommend you to read Schopenhauer's The World as Will and Representation or some Albert Camus, as he coped with the horrors of cosmic nihilism very well.
Emil Cioran is another author I had to think of while reading your post. Especially the "thrown into this world"-thing. Cioran didn't really offered a positive solution so I just mention him because he had the same despair you feel. If you decide to read his works, do it after you've read Schopenhauer and Camus.
You should not make your own luck dependent on a person, anon thought that way too and it's not good for your health. Good luck, anon.