No.1789
>>1788I’m hoping people will be kind and not try to start screaming like little babies wailing for their mother’s milk.
No.1793
Right now, my biggest issue is a lack of motivation. I graduated from high school last year, but I completely failed at preparing for college, so that seems out of the question for now.
Don't get me wrong, I want to move out and sort of have my own life, but for now, there's not much pushing me to do so.
The next logical step would be to get a job, but I don't know what sort of job to look for. I'm thinking of getting a job as a janitor again, since it's pretty easy work and I get a good amount of autonomy. I just don't want to be a janitor somewhere with a lot of traffic.
No.1794
>>1788>rants are inherently un/kind/I have no problems and nothing is bothering me at the moment! I want to be able to write a rant in this comfy rant thread, but I don't have anything to rant about! I want to participate, but there isn't a thing getting on my nerves! Nada! Zilch! Nothing! Sure, others have the luxury of being bothered by stuff, but not me! I could complain, but who would listen? Here, read this list of my complaints. What? What's the matter? You've never seen a blank piece of paper before? Fine then, just crumple it up and throw it on the ground because I don't need it! Oh, I see you recycled it. Great! Way to go! The least you could have done was to have thrown it on the ground and littered, then I would have had something to be indignant about. Nope, not me. No reason to get my panties in a twist. I'm not even wearing any underwear! Couldn't get my panties in a twist if I tried. I'm just sitting here, staring straight ahead. The wind is blowing. The birds are chirping. Lovely birdsong. Look, there's a squirrel. He aint bothering anybody or anything! Nope, no complaints. Everythings copacetic. Just embracing the felt presence of the immediate moment and everything feels fine. Maybe I should be upset up some abstract ideological concern. Nah, can't do that. I don't have any ideology! I just have this moment. This pure clean and clear rant free moment.
No.1795
>>1794(continued)
Vent? Let it out? How do you deflate an empty balloon? Explain that to me. Pop that balloon if you can! I'm not swole up and about to pop off. I feel all calm and tranquil and peaceful despite the fact that I know someone somewhere is probably typing up a storm, pausing only to rub their hands together like a super villain would, because they're about to give it to 'em. They're about to type up a rant! They're about to type up a rant that will rant all over this rant forsaken world! Me, I haven't a clue. I'm completely empty headed and empty handed! Sitting here blankly staring at nothing going on. Nothing wrong! Looking here and looking there for problems. Look, there's that squirrel again. He's not empty handed! He found himself a little snack. I bet he could rant about how hard that nut is to crack! Must be nice for that squirrel. Foraging for a rant and he found one! The birds are still singing too. Not that obnoxious squawking that they sometimes do, but making pleasant sounds for a change. Is that how they rant? They just squeak and squawk and sing songs about how bad birds got it? They don't know the half of it, those birds. They don't how good they've got it. One of them is even doing that funny little head thing. Being all cute and care free! Well, good for them! Ranting away with their bird rants and looking comfy doing it. Wish I could be looking that comfy posting some rant in a comfy rant thread!
No.1800
>>1787The Trump phenomenon is just due to ordinary people getting tired of being pushed around and hitting back against people who hate their guts. You can't play nice with people who want you gone. Trump (and his average supporter) also has nothing to do with the far right. He's basically a '90s Democrat.
No.1804
>>1800It’s just both sides started screaming more and more as he got into power. The left started wailing, then the right, the left wailed louder and louder, and the right continued like it.
No.1833
I don't think think it's very kind that it's entirely in character for DJT to have said people who gave up their lives for their country are "suckers" and "losers." He's done much to lower the level of public discourse - civilized language is just tone policing after all.
No.1842
>>1833According to unnamed sources he did, anyway.
No.1847
>>1842Regardless, he's said the same thing in regards to John McCain for being a POW. Even if the sources are questionable, it's not at all surprising to assume he did say as much.
No.1862
I need to go shower but I don't feel like doing anything. Oh well. Bye bye friends
No.1866
>>1856That there is a good artist you posted.
No.3714
>>1787I think I'm gonna fail some of my classes. I used to be a good student, and so I was able to get into a good school with hard classes, but now I'm out of my depth and I don't know what to do. I need to ask for help, but I've had problems with doing that since I was a little kid. I used to be able to just put my nose to the grindstone and work, but I'm finding it harder and harder to do that, and I don't know why. I can still do well if a class is interesting, but so many of them are just boring or confusing, and I just don't know what to do. I was always "the smart kid" in my family, and I don't want to disappoint my parents, but I think I'm going to end up a failure.
No.3720
>>3714I think you really need to fully appreciate how dire the situation is. I'm not so different from you, and I've always avoided getting help when I could. However this time, if you think you're going to fail, you're going to fail. Get help before that point.
Goddamn it anon, make the most of this opportunity because some people didn't have it. Do it for us.
No.3721
>>3714As a failure six years removed from this situation, you need to act fast. Go to the counseling office/mental health center immediately. At the very least, you'll have the equivalent of a doctor's note.
No.3758
I had high hopes for life, I'm very disappointed. I was and have always pretty much been seen as intelligent in my life, but now I'm chronically ill with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and really the only thing that can make me happy is a sizeable amount of money to buy a place where I don't have to pay rent and can live off-grid in peace and quiet, and in this way the first prevents the last unless of course I try every single irregular way of making money possible until I finally get it right, because If I want what I want in life I know I'll have to find the energy and motivation despite my problems to do this. Most of my family are also ego scum so they wish to not understand this and so I don't care about them, they tire me.
I really don't like to talk about being sick, I don't like talking about these personal details, and I don't like sick people and I really hate all of this. I try to just pretend like nothing while having some respect for my disease.
I'm tired all the time and hate life, how could I not. The trash I have demotivates me and disables me. The only things that make it livable is my musical and other varied interests and the fact that I have plenty of time and things to derive enjoyment from.
I also like people, but I've found out I don't actually care about most people at all because I know how it is having a deeper connection to someone. And really, nothing can replace that to me, there have been many times where other people may connect with me but I do not at all since, I guess, my personality is a rare polarity to top it off, this has but not to my wishes hurted quite a few people because I simply don't reciprocate. So I have to search hard for new people IRL i actually connect with but again I do not really have the energy and so the drive to do so.
To make things worse I quite enjoy being alone. And I'm not depressed either because I know how that feels like, what I'm feeling is simply a direct rational consequence of the circumstances, It's difficult.
Always remember, in your dealings don't let anything or anyone fuck you over, because it really concerns your overall mental but especially physical health friends, do not forget this can be permanent, stress yourself too hard you may get fucked up for life so act fast, the faster you act the faster you're out of the danger zone. Sometimes however you, maybe like myself, may not appear to have had a choice in the matter. But invariably likely the chance is higher of dodging any of these bullet would have had you acted quicker.
Things are really a fight.
No.3764
>>3714You need to learn how to be truly productive and teach yourself how to properly study. Easier said than done, I know. But, if you truly want to better yourself, it's the only solution. Try some of Cal Newport's books, if you want to improve on your habits.
>>3758Can't you get on disability and live in section-8/income housing?
Also, it sounds like you're having a terrible time. I suffered with a chronic illness in the past, and I was tired all of the time, but it was different from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. Despite that, I can empathize with you just a bit. My family was also giving me a hard time with my illness, because physically, it didn't look like I was sick.
>Always remember, in your dealings don't let anything or anyone fuck you over, because it really concerns your overall mental but especially physical health friends, do not forget this can be permanent, stress yourself too hard you may get fucked up for life so act fast, the faster you act the faster you're out of the danger zone.Did somebody hurt you in your life? Or was it multiple people?
I havew this exact same mentality. A toxic environment growing up really causes a strain on your worldview.
No.3774
>>3758>I had high hopes for life, I'm very disappointed. I was and have always pretty much been seen as intelligent in my life, but now I'm chronically ill with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and really the only thing that can make me happy is a sizeable amount of money to buy a place where I don't have to pay rent and can live off-grid in peace and quiet, and in this way the first prevents the last unless of course I try every single irregular way of making money possible until I finally get it right, because If I want what I want in life I know I'll have to find the energy and motivation despite my problems to do this.I can relate. I don't know if the condition I'm dealing with is actually chronic fatigue or not, but I've long suspected it could be. I'm approaching ten years in the workforce, but I still haven't started working full-time yet since I'm constantly exhausted. I only recently learned to drive. It's really going to suck having to work more than I do now just to make ends meet.
I've dabbled with stay-at-home jobs over the years, but I've found no success on that front.
>I also like people, but I've found out I don't actually care about most people at all because I know how it is having a deeper connection to someone. And really, nothing can replace that to me, there have been many times where other people may connect with me but I do not at all since, I guess, my personality is a rare polarity to top it off, this has but not to my wishes hurted quite a few people because I simply don't reciprocate. So I have to search hard for new people IRL i actually connect with but again I do not really have the energy and so the drive to do so.Yeah. I run into a lot of friendly people, but there are very few I feel like I have much in common with. I only like spending time with my family anymore.
It's like there's a brick wall between me and everyone else, and I really dislike feeling this isolated. I feel like even if I were more normal that I couldn't get close enough to people. I hate being trapped in a prison of subjectivity and wish I could feel exactly what other people felt and see the world through their eyes.
>To make things worse I quite enjoy being alone.Same here.
No.3778
>>3758This almost sounds like I could've written this.
>To make things worse I quite enjoy being alone.Really, I hate being alone, but people are such a disappointment; I think having them around makes me more miserable than not.
No.3801
hate politics and politicnorms they ruin everything they touch from both sides including kind
No.3828
>>3820Try adding them again. Get their side of the story and explain yourself. Apologize if you were actually in the wrong.
No.3922
I hate people wanting conversations. Just leave me alone, I have nothing to say.
No.3961
>>3959If nobody else is willing to DM, I don't think they can complain. If they come back, that's what matters. I think you just have to get comfortable with the role, so you can loosen up. If you do that, it'll be easier to improvise.
No.3965
No fighting.
No.3968
>>3915People are dangerously naive if they trust corporations, but I think you're overreacting.
No.3977
I recently had a conversation with a friend concerning the internet, and it's really made it more jarring just how dead it feels. Everything is so samey, probably because most people use multiple sites, so everything is really intertwined. For example when I was in school last year, there was this guy I had class with, and it was impossible to tell if he was a redditor or an anon on whatever site (probably both). Either way, he gave me second-hand embarrassment because he was a typical 2016 kiddie in early 2020 and it was clear to me, a person he didn't know much about at all. That's beside the point, though. What I want to say is the lack of variety is really starting to get to me.
No.3984
I no longer feel comfortable in my favorite IB in my native language. It has become into a circlejerk of the most pretentiousfriends, pseudointelectuals and privacy-obsessed schizos. However, this IB is one of that have the least cancer compared to other IBs in my native language so that's why I'm still lurking it but not like before. It used to pretty comfy and almost everyone there treated ourselves as friends a year ago. It's a shame. Now I feel like I can confirm that I don't like any IB in my native language. I dunno where to go ;_;!
No.3991
>>3984>I dunno where to go ;_;!Well you could try to be the future you imagine and begin your own IB Anon.
No.3994
>>3977>Everything is so sameyi forget the exact numbers, but early internet in the 90s was like %70 independent sites that individuals would spin up themselves and %30 corporate/govt/institution platforms. now, it is more like %70 corporate/govt/institution platforms and %30 individual sites. i think also that you can notice this in that the list of the most heavily trafficked sites is shrinking. this must have a lot to do with the sameyness of things. it's important to try and start
your own thing or at least support indie sites like kind and encourage others to do so. try and get others to bust out of the algorithm echo chambers and support projects and platforms that search engines and advertising interests don't want to highlight because they can't easily monetize and sanitize them.
>it was impossible to tell if he was a redditor or an anonlol. can relate. have met a few in irl that have made subculture meme jokes and i would get excited thinking, "I'VE JUST MET ANOTHER ANON IRL!" but it would always turn out that their knowledge of this scene of ours was limited to whatever anon culture had run it's course and died on facebook, twitter, tumblr, etc. disappointing.
No.3995
>>3994Yeah, generally I prefer small sites like /kind/, but most IBs seem too deeply ingrained in the big two, and only spawned because some guy didn't like a particular thing about whatever, so it's the same as before; this time with one or two different qualities and much slower traffic. Compare that to /kind/ which does something unique in comparison.
I'd rather keep anons anons. I feel like once that becomes a known thing, the person will just start being an annoying friendgot to put it bluntly. It's fine if that's not the case, but friends and imageboards serve different purposes for me.
No.3996
>>3977>>3994I don't think a genuine anon really should wear his nature on his sleeve. I think if someone tries to bring internet subculture into decorum outside their cultural borders, that marks them as a redditor since they are more often than not seeking some form of acknowledgement and social engagement from others. You should never even know you had encountered an anon if he truly takes his anonymity seriously.
No.3997
>>3996You hit the nail on the head. Good post.
No.4112
>>1942Your getting a job would probably help your family. If you don't know how, just look up job openings in your area. There's bound to be something, somewhere. If you're serious about helping your family, you might need to get a sucky job.
No.4125
I wonder if a foreigner can ever become a mangaka. With authors having Non-Japanese names (CLAMP, ONE) I thinks its possible. Especially if one can have a direct contact wit a mangaka by scanlating their work, its possible to get published by recommendation. There are ways yet here I am since I cant draw jack. I think thats what I am sad about. The fact that I have had this goal for awhile now but haven't put any effort on realizing it. Thinking about it, I feel like avoiding it all together and just go back to a deceptively comfy auto pilot mode.
No.4133
Fell back into the /neet/ lifestyle.
No.4140
>>4138Next time just tell them as much. I wouldn't hesitate to call it quits if I got tired. Call it selfish, but I think if one person isn't having fun, it'll be less fun for everyone else.
No.4158
I did a bad thing about a week ago. I won't go into too much detail, mostly because I have nothing to gain from doing so. I'm just so irritated. What I did would land me a decent bit of jail time, even if it didn't cause any significant harm and was an complete accident. Compare that to a local kid. Manages to kill two people with his vehicle and gets off with a slap on the wrist.
What gives?
No.4556
>>4158I had a similar feeling a couple of years ago. And, in my case, the worst part is the fact that I will live with it for the rest of my life wondering whenever will they come to catch me.
No.4607
>>4601I worked as a Janitor for a while at
walmart. It wasn't as bad as you would think. The only particularly bad part was the women's restroom. Now that was a struggle.
No.4610
>>4601>I have always been sympathetic towards janitorsThere's a sentence you don't often see on an image board.
No.4659
I know I'll sound extremely autistic for saying this, but it has been weighing on my mind for way too long. I want to make a Sonic fanfiction. You read that correctly, a Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction. A crazy, epic one where Sonic along with EMIYA, Jack Frost from Shin Megami Tensei, a self-insert OC (human) and a few other characters go on an adventure in a post-apocalyptic hellhole in an effort to finally make their individual dreams come true. Each one, broken by their tragic pasts, stops at nothing for that golden opportunity, even if it means betraying their allies.
The sheer amount of content my mind has come up with for this hypothetical story is mindboggling, with the story being split into three distinct and lengthy story-arcs, each with their own main character and primary focus (part 1: deception, part 2: grief, part 3: courage). There are various different factions constantly evolving and doing battle with each other. There's also a Umineko-esque Metaworld where a smug oppai loli witch drinks tea, speaks directly to the reader and occasionally hosts visitors from other universes. The story is completely without any self-awareness, as characters use words like "autistic" and "based" and seemingly important ones get violently murdered out of nowhere.
Such a creation would surely kill me from the embarrassment of having me create it, so why does my mind yearn for it so much? Is it because I have never accomplished anything in this entire lifetime, and subconsciously desire to accomplish something with my one and only talent (being autistic)? My conscious mind is quite thankful that I've never wrote the whole thing down, nor have I given into the desire to find a place online to host it. This is a battle of the subconscious mind that seeks to destroy and the conscious mind that seeks to maintain the status quo, just like the two separate characters named Alice Margatroid in the fanfiction, who lead drastically different lives despite being born of the same "thought energy".
The worst part of all of this is that I secretly wish not to type out a text-based fanfiction but to make it a WEBCOMIC, meaning that I'll have to draw everything in MS Paint, potentially drawing more attention to such an abomination.
I haven't even liked Sonic since I was 12 years old
No.4661
>>4659the plotline seems like something that would come from a danganronpa title. everything else seems pretty eh, but your idea of making a ms paint webcomic seems interesting.
maybe pic related will give you some ideas?
No.4662
>>4607In my experience, even bathrooms aren't usually that bad. I'm sure it all depends on the place though.
No.4666
>>4662No, they usually aren't, but you run into issues a lot. Especially at the store I was working at. It was really old, so there were all kinds of issues with the bathrooms. Really nasty stuff is rare though, but it certainly happens.
No.4684
>>4681>schizophrenic>sleep depraved>town practises animal sacrifice and black magic>had to cross over some dead animals to get an energy drink>violent thoughts normally come after witnessing this>start suspecting that every carton box and every plastic bag holds animals sacrifisedLet me to guess, third world?
No.4685
Isn't a problem exactly, I'm not sad for that, but I want to tell it someone. Recently, I've into on online class, by Zoom. I so hate the fucking online class, are insufficient, bullshit, uncomfortable, tedious, etc… The previous year I ignored that shit, And it wasn't so bad for me. So, in this year, I will "study", probably I will be the first on the class. Is so fucking easy to pass the exams
No.4686
>>4685Are you unsatisfied?
No.4689
>>4687Where are you from, my friend?
No.4696
>>4607>The only particularly bad part was the women's restroom. Now that was a struggle.You don't have to clean the parking lot? Picking up trash outside is dangerous because nobody in parking lot sees you and people drive way too fast in the parking lot. Hosing/ pressure washing is slightly safer because the cars don't want to drive near it but it's very tedious and it's usually hot outside.
No.4702
>>4696I didn't mind doing that. I worked from fall to spring, so I didn't do it often. Plus I got to fool around while I worked when I did that. I don't mind a bit of danger, when you got those poor guys pushing carts outside all day.
Women's restroom was bad because you had to wait for it to be empty to clean, and by the time one woman leaves, another needs to use it. It was especially bad, because the bathrooms in the back were closed for a month or two, so the one bathroom got all the traffic, and you couldn't tell them to go to the back.
Plus those feminine hygiene boxes get used for literally anything. Many times I've checked them only to be hit hard with the smell of shit. Women are gross.
No.4722
>>4689I live on sudamerica.
>>4693Yes, it is.
No.4764
>>4702>Plus those feminine hygiene boxes get used for literally anything. Many times I've checked them only to be hit hard with the smell of shit. Women are gross.The whole mindset of people who do stuff like that is just foreign and disgusting to me.
No.4784
>>4764It's just people being poorly taught by parents. It wouldn't surprise me if a lot of women genuinely didn't know what it was for exactly. It's not like it's a common topic of conversation or anything.
No.4791
>>4784It seems kind of obvious not to shit in them though.
No.4792
>>4791They don't shit in them, but they toss baby diapers and TP in them. Rarely you'd get someone that shit themself too, and they throw their shitty panties in the box. Anyway, my point was, women don't know how to use bathrooms.
No.4844
>>4829If you haven't noticed, people suck. That's why personal space is so sacred. We are all forced to deal with people who disgust us occasionally even if we choose never to associate with them. If I met you, I would probably hate you too or dislike you, but it's nothing personal. Another answer would be fear of the other is necessary to harness human ingenuity.
No.4853
>>4829I think its a matter of perspective but also in being around others who fit with what you prefer.
It seems as if the world was hijacked at some point by some who had nefarious intent and they made a system which spread their nefariousness in multiple ways, via manipulative devices. Its a complicated matter but I believe it can be solved. Its like Jacque Fresco said about the environment compelling people to act in certain ways. It comes down to human behavior, not human nature. Human nature is just basic survival stuff, but behavior is something else and it can be quite complicated.
One of the of the potential solutions often tauted is "be the change you wish to see in the world"
No.4854
>>4853The world was always like this though, if you read histories it's filled with different groups using the most meaningless justifications to try and kill each other for no reason other than greed and power. It's kind of sad. Though I have hope that people will learn to be kinder someday.
No.4858
>>4844lol @ hating anon based on one post
No.4870
>>4857It would be great to make a breakaway civilization, but there are some hurdles to clear for that to work. At least I know there's a lot of like minded individuals online who are all for it, I've seen more than one thread about the topic on various boards. Some people are just that fed up with the broken system, maybe something will come of it eventually.
No.4881
Everything I do, I fail and have to start over again. Studying, working out, everything has to begin anew, from step one each time I lose a week or month to depression.
Each time I restart, I do it with less and less excitement. By the third time, I can't keep going on, because every repeated exercise or memorized kanji reminds me of how I started and failed, started and failed.
Since I was a wee lad, what motivated me was imagining a future self. A me that was skilled, constantly motivated, and had value that everyone recognized.
Now I'm 25, and all the gigachad fantasies I had as a retarded teenager came crashing down: I'm still me, still as bitter, emotional and frail. Except a bit more bald and with a bit more responsibilities towards the world at large.
At 25, I'm beginning realizing how short 5 years can get. And instead of motivating me to do better, it just reminds me of how I failed at everything, and how many times I started it only to fail again and again until I learned to give up completely.
No.4883
>>4881I'd recommend trying to view your life and motivations in another way. Sure, you aren't what you wanted to be, but who is? No reason to give up. When you find something you want to learn or practice, have a particular reason in mind, so that you can have a more concrete goal, something you can see yourself work toward.
Don't give me a (you), cause there's nothing to be gained from it.
No.4884
>>4829Human primates are restless in an urban environment: It's only a few thousand of years ago that we stepped out of the jungle and took up farming, while our time hunting boars and mammonths goes back hundreds of thousands of years.
This restlesness causes anxiety, unease, depression. They're all natural, because our brain and body are adapted to hunting rabbits and picking seeds, not managing the efficacy of thousands of employees and competing with companies that do the same.
Stress breaks people, they turn evil even if they don't want to. Religions or psychology can help one understand their self, find faults, and work to fix them. But there's an easier fix: Cults and ideologies.
Cults are a bit out of fashion as of late. Yet ideologies are all the rage, especially with the current technology.
With either one, you do not have to do any self work, self reflection, or self overcoming. You do not have to work on your flaws, chances are, these flaws are caused by something external to you. That in the end isn't really your fault. You can keep being a shitty person, as long as you direct your hate in the right direction.
The people falling for ideology are not evil per se. But they begin filtering the world through ideological distinctions: If someone is considered ideologically immoral, it's ok to attack him. If anything, attacking him makes you a better person. They do not need to understand you, accept that you have ideas of your own. Their understanding of you comes down to friend, or enemy. As long as you signal you're an enemy, you're ok to hate. If you signal you're a friend, they'll treat you normally until you slip up.
No.4885
>>4884Do you know how the chinese treated POW's during the vietnam war?
Unlike the Vietnamese, that just used brute force. They made their prisoners write essays, with small rewards like tasty snacks for the winner. The essays were about minor things, like "why I think America is imperfect", I'm sure even the biggest patriot has his gripes.
Then the winner's essay would be used as anti-American propaganda, and the winner had no possibility of defending himself. He couldn't deny he wrote the essay of his own free will, and none of the other prisoners would believe he wasn't on the side of the Chinese. Rather than denying it, the prisoner would eventually express more radical pro-chinese views of his own free will.
Writing is a powerful brainwashing tool.
And with the internet, especially social media, you do the chinese exercises every day. The small reward isn't a tasty snack, but some dopamine boosting upvotes. The end result is the same. You expressed your views, you can't back down and change your mind, because your identity is tied to what you wrote.
This isn't something that happens to some intellectuals with typewriters. Everyone who has a phone has posted some opinions using their name. Has begun a self-brainwashing process with the end goal of absolutely radicalizing themselves. Eliminating any sense of self for the sake of whatever ideological goal they began to slip into.
No.4891
>>4881I have the same issue and I'm older. I have accepted that while I will never be amazing at the things I want to learn (in my case drawing), I am at least trying to cultivate good habits in this life that will carry on.
No.4897
>>4846Open it up and replace the Omron switches.
>>4885The Chinese took POW's during the Vietnam War? That's news to me.
I don't think writing posts on anonymous IBs is as harmful. I play both sides all the time.
No.4898
>>4885>The small reward isn't a tasty snack, but some dopamine boosting upvotes. The end result is the same. You expressed your views, you can't back down and change your mind, because your identity is tied to what you wrote. That's actually pretty interesting Anon, I can easily see that outcome to things like that. While obviously not the same situation as Chinese torture camps, in my case I'm just upfront about my 'unpopular opinions' right off. Not being over-socialized as Ted Kaczynski talked about helps too. The combination helps me be pretty straightforward with people. Doesn't win me any popularity contests, but tbh I'd actually be concerned if I did, given the pozzed views of those around us who 'live in a society'. :^)
No.4916
I'm starting a new job, and my schedule is going to suck really badly for the next few weeks until I resign from my current one.
No.5048
Have you ever wanted to kys because of an internet comment? I'm embarrassed of feeling like this let alone talking about it but I'm just not doing well at the moment. It's all a bit much.
No.5049
>>5048If you say something stupid on the internet just move on, it's all anonymous after all.
You should only hate yourself if you're responsible for the death of a website you liked.
Like me No.5060
>>5049I've moved on lol, now I'm back to mild harmless depression.
What site was it btw?
No.5061
>>5060I'd rather not talk about it, for the good of this board as well.
No.5077
My life goes well lately all things considered
I just feel depressed over 1 thing. Ever since I was a fucking kid I had a single dream about growing up. To share my stories with the world through a visual medium. I remember I wanted to be a film director even before I knew what a film director is called. Eventually this desire changed as I grew up but the core remained the same. I am the stereotype of the fucking obnoxious daydreaming retard but this is fucking important for me. I want to make something. A comic. A videogame. Something. I want other people to read/play/watch about characters I wrote. Like them/hate them. Tell me I suck, tell me I am great. Just care in some way. I feel envy for the fact that people payed money to make complete shit and cash grabs and souless corporate bullshit. Everytime I watch a shit movie or series I feel a weird sence of injustice. Which I have enough self awareness to realise is unjustified. Cause I havent tried, in any serious way to create anything. But I cant do it. I cant make a game (I dont know how) and even if I learn I wont be able to make something good alone
I cant animate. The only thing I am half competent at is drawing. But even there I am mediocre at best. And I feel just depressed. I feel that I will never make what I wanna make, I will end up with a shitty Soulcrashing job as a normalfriend NPC.
That the best I would achieve if I tried would be to become a lolcow akin to chris chan or the creator of Jeff the Killer. And whatever I make will be mocked cause I just suck. And then I feel that these feelings are objectively stupid and obnoxious. And that I am being a cringy retard not by expressing them in any way but by having them at all or that all of this is me childishly wanting attention. Nothing deeper or more serious than a child running up to their parents proud of his new stupid story which includes 10 in the billionth "and then"s and the parents will just nod and said they like it
No.5079
>>5077You aren't going to get better feeling sorry for yourself. Just give it a try and see if you like it. The best option would probably be to make some low budget film with friends, if you have the means.
I'd just keep your actual identity seperate from your work if you do, and if it flops, you can try again under another name.
Do what's in your means now, and who knows, it might lead somewhere new for you.
No.5123
>>5077Your desire to create is sullied by your desire for recognition. You do not wish to create for its own sake, you wish to be recognized as a creator.
If tomorrow you woke up, and found yourself in an alternative universe, where you're a world-accepted artist. You would be fine with it. You wouldn't feel that you missed out on the creative process that led to the creation itself. What you want is for your ego to be satisfied by the experience of social acknowledgement. Because on some level you feel that your characters, and by extension experiences, are not valid unless they're acknowledged by someone else.
The shit movie or series that you feel "a sense of injustice" (actually an inverted feeling of superiority) towards. Was at least made by people interested in the act of creation, interested in artistic work for its own sake, unconcerned for its results.
Or at least, less concerned than you.
The suffering isn't coming from the injustices in the world. It's coming from aspects of your self.
This self-perception is false, it must be destroyed. So you can return to a state of unconditional creativity. Or no creativity at all. Maybe what you wanted was social acknowledgement and you were expressing it through artistic expression. In both cases, the answer will be evident after you remove this trapping.
No.5155
>>1787boss keeps telling me to use "modern" tools yet i almost always do the best on our team.
No.5174
I feel like a reverse hungry ghost. While the hungry ghosts have an overwhelming desire to consume that they can never fulfill, I have had a desire to create something since I was a child, that I can never stick with. The recognition would be nice, but really what I want more than anything is to just make something for my own satisfaction. I have tried drawing many times, but I never get very far… I am sure there is some lesson here I was meant to learn in this life.
No.5177
>>5174i do programming for a living and on my own time. it is a very rewarding feeling. i used to spend hours a day playing vidya now thats just boring compared to programming. i know it might be that good for only me maybe but i recommend you try it out too. plus its great money.
No.5178
>>5177I actually do programming myself and I don't like it at all. I prefer working with my hands.
No.5182
awesome thred….
i m tired making 48 hour work and get appreciated less than 8 hour gigs. i wish i can just unsee this but the person havent said "i took double time than you" so…
No.5184
if life is full of people who wanta to kill u and jail also full of people who ll kill you whats the difference lol
No.5186
i like it how irl people r so full of themselvs saying "o we remember all shit yer not getting away" then flip it the other minute "dont be conceited" like lol
the irony is how powerful being dumb can be lol why bother lol i dont think god handle sufferjnf that much i guess like irl folk
No.5187
>>5123 if suffering isnt real then jesus is completely worthless to mohd* then black slavery is not a thing including jewslavery and then some more like hell and heavn isnt real tooblol
No.5201
>>5157Nevermind, I got it back :)
No.5203
Someone shat on the game I was playing and now I can't get back to playing it
No.5204
>>5203Your game sucks because it's for babies
No.5207
>>5205What game were you playing anon?
No.5209
>>5207SMT for the SNES
Someone called the SMT series meme games and I got all convoluted. What the fuck is even a meme game?
No.5210
>>5209Small Miniscule Tiny, like a baby?
SMT is alright. I played too many turn based JRPGs all at once not long ago, so I exhausted myself.
Just play it. Don't be a baby, and play your baby games like a man, even if someone shits on it.
No.5250
I keep going back and looking at the online profiles of my old estranged friends. Wish I had been less disagreeable and antisocial.