I'm having a great night, had a bit of a breakthrough about my life. Realized that I need to prioritize my needs and emotions first, not caring about what other people think and finally admitting, accepting, forgiving and letting go of past mistakes, flaws and cringe memories -nothing serious but I've definitely fucked up and embarrassed myself in front of people more than once, especially over girls. I've had a difficult time trying to rid myself of the need for validation from women. That also includes developing autonomy and control over my emotions, not relying on other people's validation (parents mainly) and feelings of happiness to satisfy that people pleasing desire. I just wanted everything to be "perfect" and have no dysfunction because I felt this compulsion and massive fear if it wasn't. I thought "perfect" was this unnatural view that people are happy 100% of the time with no problems whatsoever. People have leveraged that to manipulate me into doing shit, I have a hard time with boundaries and I need to learn how to hold my "frame." At the end of the day, accepting the reality of who I am, the reality that I cannot please everyone, I cannot force people to be happy, that people are pretty shitty and will try to take advantage of me and that I need to laugh at and forgive myself. Also chans are being deliberately killed and suppressed and we've entered some kind of dark age, but I reckon that alt-chans will make a come back and if halfchan goes dark then decentralized chans will make a resurgence.